Completing the Sequence

Thanks to Noelle, we have a category named "Hormones, Hotflashes, and …" for those of us who are hormonally challenged. As I was thinking of what it's like to be in my "mid to late 50's" it occurred to me that I have the final "H" for the sequence!

Hormones, Hotflashes, and ... Hairy Chins!  Yep, that’s the last “H” in the sequence, and I can prove it!

While I’ve never been one of those fair-haired women who barely have to shave their legs or underarms, the Hormones and Hotflashes came my way bearing a special gift … a hairy chin!

No, not just one or two hairs … a bouquet of curly black hairs.  How lovely!

Ok, maybe that’s too graphic for some of you.  If you think this is funny, you must not have reached true maturity yet!  Just wait—your time will come! 

I sat and considered this whole Fabulous Fifties ordeal not too long ago.

The age spots are interesting, for sure!  My granddaughter asked if she could take a pen and play “Dot-to-Dot” on the back of my hand and see if she could draw a picture by connecting the age spots.  Argh!  I love my granddaughter with all my heart, but I secretly pray one day when she has age spots that her granddaughter will try it using permanent marker! 

The achy body … oh my!  I remember a song a few years back about an Achy Breaky Heart.  Well, forget the heart … my back is achy and breaky, along with the rest of my body.  Thanks, modern maturity!

The sagging breasts are another wonderful benefit of the Fabulous Fifties.  Yep – I now understand the song now.  Sing along with me …

Do your boobs hang low?  [yes]
Do they wobble to and fro?  [yes]
Can you tie them in a knot?  [yes]
Can you tie them in a bow?  [yes]
Can you throw them over your shoulder
Like a Continental Soldier? [yes]
Do your boobs hang low?  [I already answered that!!!!]

But along with the Fabulous Fifties comes these little sprouts of hair on the chinny-chin-chin.  No amount of huffing and puffing will blow these black curly critters away.  So, how does a graceful wife, mother, and nana handle their sudden appearance?  Let’s explore our options …

1. We can curl them and tie them with a bow.  [A little too obvious for most!]
2. We can comb them over and tuck them around our ear. [Men do this when they are balding and have a few long hairs left, right?]
3. We can borrow our husband’s razor and shave them, praying we don’t cut ourselves. [Be sure to return his razor to it’s usual resting place before he figures out what you’re doing.]
4. We can get out the handy-dandy tweezers and pluck them out. [This works well if you’re into self-abuse.]
5. We can use scissors and cut them off at the surface of our skin. [Probably would leave stubble that will scratch your granddaughter’s face when you hug her.]
6. We could buy a depilatory cream at the drugstore. [Don’t leave it on too long or you’ll have a bright red chin with irritated skin and a lot of strange looks at the grocery store.]
7. We can pay for electrolysis and have them permanently removed. [If you’re independently rich and don’t mind having each hair follicle electrocuted before the hair is plucked.]

You see, there really aren’t any wonderful options.  But, whichever way you decide is best for you, let me remind you that they WILL grow back.  And, you may just be one of those women in her “Fabulous Fifties” who is blessed to have them grow back with a vengeance!

I’ll never forget the day I was teaching piano in my home and one of my little students looked at me and exclaimed, “Ms. Ross, you have hair on your chin. Are you growing a beard?”  Yep!  It was noticeable thanks to the big FIVE-O.  Time to take action. 

The next time one of your friends turns fifty and joins the Fabulous Fifties Club, be sure to give her an ample supply of hair removal products and explain in detail to her about …

Hormones, Hotflashes, and Hairy Chins

Hormonally Deficient But Abundantly Blessed
© 2008 All Rights Reserved

Comments

[Jan]

Now that I'm in my "fabulous fifties," I don't have hot flashes, I have short, private vacations in the tropics where I don't skinny dip, I chunky dip. And, my balanced diet is chocolate in both hands!

[Shirley]

This is actually Noelle posting a comment from my mom, Shirley. I wanted to share what she had emailed me, it is her email address...

I was reading “Take Root” today. It is not only hairy chins but the hair over your lips. It is amazing how you start growing hair in these places but you lose your eyebrows, eyelashes and hair on your head.

PS- this part from Noelle, I already relate way too much to all this!