Fill 'er Up - Emotional Needs, Part 1

Now that we have learned how to  identify The Personalities, it's time to learn what to do with our knowledge. In Part  One we are going to look the emotional needs of the sanguine and choleric personalities.

The emotional needs of each personality are a lot like the gas tank in a car. When a vehicle has a full tank it tends to perform better than when it is running on fumes. The same premise holds true for most people. When our emotional tanks are full we tend to be more pleasant, happier, and more productive when it comes to life in general. However, if we are running on empty...watch out! Depending on our personality we can get get loud and obnoxious, bossy, depressed, or withdrawn. So sit back as we investigate this important aspect of The Personalities.

Popular/Playful Sanguine. The sanguine personality has the following emotional needs:

• Attention
• Affection/Touching
• Approval of every deed
• Acceptance

Attention: Sanguines love to be the center of attention. Put a sanguine in a dark corner, away from the spotlight, and their tank will quickly move from full to empty. They thrive on attention. If you have a sanguine in your life make an effort to give them plenty of attention. It isn't necessary that the world revolve around them (although they'd love that), but if they have a new dress, a new haircut, or tell a particularly funny story, pay them a simple compliment. Also, if they are talking to you, give them your undivided attention. Let them know you are interested in what they have to say by not letting your thoughts (or your body) wander off. You'll make their day by giving them your attention.

Affection/Touching: Sanguine people are touchy, feely people. They love hugs and tend to be very physical; they often invade others personal space because of their affectionate nature. Eric, my youngest, is almost sixteen years old and still loves to sit right next to me on the couch. It's not unusual for him to snuggle close and lay his head on my shoulder. The other day he took our snuggles one step further...he threw his legs across my lap. Even thought I'm not as touchy and feely as Eric, I make sure to give him lots of love pats and return his affection when he offers it. What a blessing it is to have a sanguine son who still wants to be close to his 'ol ma.

Approval of every deed: Have you been around a child (or an adult for that matter) who is constantly looking for   affirmation? Chances are you are dealing with a sanguine. "Isn't my dress pretty. Do you like my new haircut? Do you think I made the right decision?" Compliments and approval really fill a sanguine person's emotional tank. If they aren't hearing the words they desire, a sanguine has no reservations soliciting your words of affirmation. Again, it isn't necessary to overdo the compliments, but a few properly placed words of approval will put a big smile on their face.

Acceptance: A phrase that captures the essence of this bright personality is, "Just love me!" That's all they really want. Whether or not they talk too much or are a bit flamboyant for your taste, they just want to be accepted for who they are. They are in heaven when people love them "just the way they are."

If a sanguine doesn't get their tank filled on a regular basis they start running on empty. They begin trying to fill their own needs and can become shop-a-holics, party animals,or over eaters. School-aged children sometimes become class clowns as they seek the attention they so desperately need. These bright and lively people can even become victims of depression if they feel like life is no fun, they have no hope for the future, or they feel unloved. However, this tends to be the extreme and can often be avoided if those around them understand how to meet their emotional needs and fill 'er up.

Powerful Choleric: Believe it or not, even the most powerful and independent of The Personalities has their own emotional needs.

• Loyalty from the those around them
• Sense of control
• Appreciation for dedicated service
• Credit for good work

Loyalty from those around them: The choleric in your life needs to know that you are loyal. Do you stand behind   him or her? Are you respectful when they are the subject of conversation? Can they trust you? Will you stick up for them? My oldest son is a great example of this trait. As early as elementary school and throughout high-school, if one of his friends was disloyal, Brian quickly (sometimes too quickly) wrote that friend off. He didn't want to waste time on someone who wasn't loyal. However, it's important to note that Brian, as well as most cholerics, are fiercely loyal. Brian would fight for his friends...literally if necessary.

Sense of control: Nothing empties a choleric's emotional tank faster than not having control. They are doers and can usually do a job faster and more efficiently than any of the other personalities. If they don't have the authority to be in charge, it drives them crazy. Again, my son Brian is a perfect example. During his high school years he worked every summer as a life guard. He eventually worked his way up to head guard. But he was full of visions of what he could accomplish at the pool if he had more authority. A choleric parent has the necessary authority, but we all know that children, especially teens, don't always do what we want them to. This often makes the choleric parent go nuts. In order the gain any sense of control they sometimes become too rigid or authoritarian with an uncooperative child. This is their way of grabbing the control that is eluding them.

Appreciation for dedicated service: Most choleric people glow when someone shows them appreciation for a job  well done. My choleric husband, for example, is a built in handyman. He single-handedly remodeled our kitchen and landscaped two acres. He changes light bulbs without being asked, knocks out walls, and reroutes electricity. The list goes on and on and on. I make sure to let him know how much I appreciate his work around the house as well as the little things he does like bringing me chocolate treats when he's been on a business trip. If you have one of these "go getters" in your life, take time to fill 'er up with a word of appreciation.

Credit for good work: If cholerics work on a group project, they want credit for the work they have done. In high school my son wasn't particularly fond of group projects. Often there were others involved that didn't pull their weight or offer any assistance whatsoever. Brian being "the doer" would make sure the project was complete even if he did all the work by himself. Occasionally the students who didn't help received the same grade as Brian and he didn't like that at all. However, when the teachers recognized Brian's efforts and objectively graded the efforts of each student, he glowed with satisfaction. Recognition and credit for work really fills a choleric's tank.

A choleric with an empty tank will struggle even though they will never admit it. If they feel they aren't accomplishing things they tend to become workaholics. They will drive themselves too hard. If they don't have control over things in their lives they will react by becoming bossy or too domineering. Sometimes they will resort to avoiding situations they know they cannot control. However, if a choleric has loyalty, a sense of control in their life, are appreciated and get credit for what they do...they will be filled to overflowing and life will be great.

Join me in two weeks when we will explore the emotional needs of the melancholy and phlegmatic personalities.

(c)2008 Shona Neff

Comments

[Melissa in Mel's World]

I LOVE it...I am absolutely 100% sanguine...everything you wrote fits me and my personality to a "T"! Ha, at least I know someone "gets me". Thanks for the info!

~Melissa