Invisible Illness Week: The Real Disability

It was supposed to be a quick stop at a grocery store to pick up a couple things.  In the cart was our near three year old daughter and our eight year old son walked next to me.    She was kicking her feet and laughing, the anointing of joy in full display. 

That anointing has made for interesting encounters with strangers.  They would see her face, stop, look at her, and come to us and just start pouring their life story out to me.  That day, a senior citizen lady grabbed me by my elbow and asked how old our daughter was.  I had a funny feeling this encounter wasn't going to be about her anointing.

For the next three minutes, this lady looked up one side of our little girl and down another, judging me with every bone in her finger she was wagging at me.  She introduced herself as a nurse and let me know if I didn't stop overfeeding my child, she'd have diabetes before she was ten.

What this woman did not know and refused to listen to was long before I parked in that lot, we had a team of doctors working with us since our baby was six weeks old.  While most parents were snapping pictures and arranging playdates, our first year with her was either at the doctor office, the ER, or in the hospital. 

She has congenital hypothyroidism, and at that time, she also had active asthma.  Her first year alone, she was on steroids for weeks at a time, more than once.

Due to the thyroid, the huge amounts of steroids coursing through her, and her inactivity due to sickness and weight, she was overweight.  Her weight at the time wasn't even chartable.  I was quite aware.  This lady treated me like the worst mother on Earth.

Through God's grace I was able to thank the lady for her concern and tried to explain that she was only seeing one piece of a big puzzle called her life.  Although I didn't owe a complete stranger an explanation, I went on to say there was a team of doctors working with her.  This did not satisfy the woman.  By the time I finally jerked my elbow away from her grasp, I thanked her one final time and let her know that God promised our daughter was an overcomer and she would be healed.  Then I drove home and cried.

Our son approached me and asked if his little sister was going to die.  For all that woman said, he focused on the word die-abetes.

I  learned through our experience, now improved, that our words truly can give life and death.  Few knew how sick our child had been.  She still receives therapies, but now for maintenance in her program.  Like that lady, anyone could have looked at her and came up with a conclusion.  Most would be wrong.

When I'm at the mall or a bank or library, I find I don't judge situations like I used to.  That bratty kid I used to roll my eyes at---well, perhaps he has a medical issue only his parents and medical team know about.  The mom who just sits there while the kids race off out of sight in public, maybe she's not unfit but depressed.  Exhausted.  In need of support, not judgment.

Invisible illness can come in so many forms, to any age, shape or color.  For those of us affected by invisible illness, we don't need pity or judgment.  We need your compassion, support, and prayers.

Comments

[Winter]

Julie,

I've become well aware of how judgmental I've been in the past. But after dealing with a thyroid issue myself, I look at overweight people now and wonder if they have a thyroid problem and don't even know it.

It is a hard cycle to break because we're taught to believe we need to judge to make ourselves feel better. Not so if we have Jesus.

[Lori Laws]

Julie, very well written. Honesty makes a good writer. Yes, I've learned the hard way not to be so shallow minded as to the suffering of others. I'm sorry you have to go through all this with your daughter, but I know she has been one of your greatest blessings from God. For me...what was wrapped up in the most horrific package, has been the greatest gift.
Your family is in my prayers. Take it one day at a time~Jesus is with you. More and more blessings to you!

[A Walters]

Julie,

I know I am posting late on this article, but I just had to tell you thank you. I am often judged for my weight and like another poster said, I am just now finding out that I have a thyroid problem. I have just started treatment, but we haven't found the right dosage yet.

People treat you differently when you are overweight. They think that your brain doesn't work or you must not be emotionally stable.

My oldest daughter is a little overweight, but we encounter things like coaches not giving her equal practice time and clothes manufacturers not making a pair of pants that don't "hug" her hips. Of course there are always the looks from strangers and little comments from those we know.

I watched a Fox news segment with a woman who was defending an airline for not hiring larger women to be flight attendants and she took great pleasure in showing a large pair of jeans and asking how can someone who would fit in these jeans fit down the isle.

It is sickening. People have no idea how or don't care how their judgments hurt people so much. I try to remember that when people express negative judgments that they too are in pain, it is just invisible pain, unlike mine, which I wear as a testament to all the pain I have suffered through.