Candy, Costumes, and Camaraderie
Trick-or-Treat Manners for Kids and Grownups!
The last few days have been full of pleading in the McKee home, all in anticipation of 90 minutes of candy gathering later this week. The event, of course, is Trick-or-Treat.
My six-year-old is pleading to have a "real" astronaut suit, not a costume. The eBay bid price on what my little guy considers a real suit was $52.99 and rising as quickly as a Delta Rocket.
My twelve-year-old is flustered trying to decide if he's too old to dress in costume, but just in case he decides to, he doesn't understand why I won't pay $68.99 for the latest Star Wars costume, which, by the way, looks to me, exactly like the one we bought him last year that still fits.
While we're careful in our family to steer clear of celebrating Halloween as a holiday, we do let our boys dress up and have their moment in the spotlight in front of their friends and neighbors, parading around in their costumes just like we did years ago.
This year, we'll follow the same plan as always. We'll host an early dinner at our house with the boys' friends from the street, followed by an hour or so at a church Fall Festival, and back home by 7:15 PM for an hour of trick-or-treating in our neighborhood.
With input from my children, and my own mom observations, here's the Etiquette Answer that will make sure trick-or-treating is a treat for children, parents, and neighbors alike!
Part One-
Trick-or-Treat Manners to Share with Your Children:
(Written in child-friendly language!)
Always assume there's a one piece limit on taking candy from the bowl.
Make a quick decision! If mom or dad can count to "seven" before the candy is in your bag, you're taking too long.
If you don't like the candy being offered, take a piece anyway, and say, "Thank-you!"
Don't say anything negative about the candy you're being offered, and don't ask if the people have anything else. You'll hurt their feelings.
Don't search through the candy bowl looking for "the good stuff." Take a piece from the top and move out of the way to make room for the next kids approaching the door.
Remember, no one reads your mind. Your neighbors don't know you appreciate their kindness unless you tell them. Look each person who gives you candy in the eye, smile, and say, "Thank you for the candy!"
Make sure your voice is loud enough for the person to hear you say, "Thank you."
As I told my son when he was six and "forgot" to say, "Thank-you" at each house: If you're not old enough to remember to say, "Thank-you" without being reminded, then maybe you're not old enough to go trick-or-treating.
If the front door light isn't on, or if the window blinds are closed, skip the house. A dark, closed house is the silent signal that the homeowner isn't going to be giving out candy this year.
Don't touch the decorations or play with anything on the front porch.
Knock or ring the doorbell once, twice at the most. After that, leave if no one comes to the door.
Even though you want to get from house to house quickly, stay on the sidewalk and driveways, and stay off people's grass, shrubs, and flowers. This is one way you show respect for others.
If you're going to go trick-or-treating, then you have to wear a costume. It's part of the tradition.
Part Two-
Just for Mom and Dad:
Don't carpool your children to another neighborhood unless a friend or relative lives there. People buy candy based on the amount used last year. A few minivans of unexpected children can cause the host to run out of candy in no time.
When escorting your children, keep your costume at home. It distracts from the little ones' spotlight.
The trick-or-treating hour is all too brief in the minds of our kids. It's fine to talk to the other adults walking with you, but keep chit-chat at the neighbors' doors to a minimum. Nothing is more frustrating that night to a nine-year-old than feeling he's being "slowed down" by Mom conducting a neighborhood association meeting.
Once your child is six or older and you're confident they're remembering their "Please" and "Thank-you," stay on the neighbor's driveway or the end of their sidewalk and shine your flashlight in the direction of their front door. It lets strangers know you're right there, and gives your children the illusion they're on their own. I read once that, "No one ever was scared by the Headless Horseman and his mom and dad."
In the days leading up to candy night, role-play with your children on what to say and how to respond at the front door of neighbors' homes. They'll feel more confident on opening night if they've had several trial runs.
Once the door is opened, don't prompt your child about what to say. If they aren't quickly forthcoming with the "right" words, say something like this, "Zach's a little shy this evening. I'm sure he wants to say, 'Thank you very much for the candy.'" This reinforces for Zach the best thing to say, and the more he hears you say it and the kind responses you receive from saying it, the more verbal courage he'll gain to say it for himself.
Nothing's more awkward for the child, parent, or neighbor than a mom or dad at the front door echoing the refrain, "Brooke, what do say? Come on now we've practiced this. Brooke, I'm serious, you need to say, 'Thank you.'"
Don't take groups of more than five or six children out together. The larger the group, the louder and more rambunctious they tend to be, and the harder it is for the children to maneuver at the front doors. It's a good idea to break large groups of friends into two smaller ones, each visiting a different neighbor first, with a 90-second or so gap between the two groups.
Part Three-
For Those Handing Out Candy at Home:
Make it obvious that you're, "Open for Business." Turn on all the lights in the front of your house, turn on the porch light, and open all your blinds.
Secure all pets in another room. You know that little Gizmo wouldn't hurt anyone, but the four-year-old at the door isn't so sure.
Don't dress in a costume yourself, especially a scary or gruesome one. Children expect the door to be opened by a friendly-looking grown-up, not a vampire.
If you don't participate in the night's festivities, that's fine. To avoid confusion, just make sure you're house is dark.
If you choose to take part in the night, do so with a smile. If it's a decision you've made, then it's not an imposition of your time or energy.
If it's OK for the children to take more than one piece of candy, tell them so. "Please take three pieces. I made sure I had plenty."
If you place the candy in the children's bags, don't just toss it in their direction. It's hard for little ones to bend over in their masks.
Keep your front porch free of anything too spooky or easy for children to stumble over.
Don't comment negatively on a child's costume. It's never funny, needed, or appropriate. Several years ago my son's little friend dressed as the ultimate Florida Gator's fan. At one neighbor's house, a man opened the door, and with a stern voice said, "I shouldn't give candy to someone in that horrible jersey. You need to choose the right team if you want candy from me." In shock, I held the hand of the little boy who was now scared and almost in tears. My husband then informed the man that the six-year-old was wearing a costume chosen for him, not by him, so perhaps he should take his complaint up with the boy's father. The man tossed a piece of candy into each of the boys' buckets and closed the door loudly without saying another word. As we walked down the driveway my son asked, "Mom, is that a bad man like the ones you tell us to look our for?" "Absolutely," I replied.
Coming Next Week-
The Art of Interrupting
But! Starting today, I'm moderating a Monday Morning Manners® group at Christian Women Take Root
There are groups for everyone: working moms, home schooling moms, single women, women in ministry, women dealing with illness, moms of special needs children, pastors' wives, and lots, lots more. There's also fashion, food, and fun!
If you'd like to share your etiquette questions, and meet a great group of ladies join me!
Be among the first to visit the Monday Morning Manners® Group at Christian Women Take Root!
