Filling the Gap When Your Spouse Dies

"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'?

Matthew 19:4-5

The one flesh relationship described in Matthew portrays more than just the physical aspect of marriage. When two become one, their dreams, their life, their plans are all united. In fact, their very identity changes as they move from singleness to couple-hood. When your spouse dies, it is that same identity that is ripped to shreds. You're single again; but emotionally, you don't feel single. You struggle to accept the new label of "widow". It is complicated by the feelings of being absolutely alone. Often, you feel like an outcast in social situations as you look around and see that others are in couples. After all, your companion is gone and you feel lost. You may feel you have no purpose of direction because your dreams and plans died when your spouse did. If this is resonating with you, then stop right here and acknowledge how you feel. If you want to cry, go ahead. God gave you tears to help you feel better.

As part of the cycle of life, grieving is a timeless event. The Old Testament gives us an example of a great man of faith who grieved for his wife. 

Sarah lived to be a hundred and twenty-seven years old. She died at Kiriath Arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan, and Abraham went to mourn for Sarah and to weep over her. Genesis 23:1-2

Abraham's beloved wife Sarah died. The great Patriarch of the Old Testament who walked with God in a way that most of us will never understand was reduced to tears when he lost his wife. In fact the scriptures indicate that he made a conscious decision to mourn and to cry. But you will notice that it does not say that he was weak or that he was not following God when he grieved. Notice that God's Word indicates that grieving is a natural healthy part of life. How about you? Have you made a choice to mourn? If you haven't, give yourself permission to do so. Recognize that saying good-bye is a process and that it will take time and work. The time to start the process is now.

Journaling Ideas

I pray that you are enjoying your journaling experience. Take a few moments and read over your journal for the last several weeks. Make a mental note of the progress you have made and the evidence of God's goodness in your life. Here are a few more journaling ideas to stimulate your writing:

1.  List 5 things you miss most about your loved one.

2.  How were you and your spouse one?

3.  How has losing your spouse initiated an identity crisis for you?

4.  Are you doing anything that is postponing your grieving process? If so, what can you do differently?

5.  Read Isaiah 54:4. How can you apply this promise to your life?

6.  What are you feeling anxious about?

Your Grieving Toolbox

By now your toolbox is getting full of tools to help you with the grieving process. Open your box and you will see the tools of journaling, scripture meditation, prayer walking, investing in others, and scripture memorization. Today we are going to add the tool of physical activity. My dear friend, right now you are experiencing more stress in your life than you probably have ever known. Physical activity is one of the healthiest ways to relieve your stress and improve your mood. If you are very motivated, you can join a gym or take an exercise class. But if you are not so inclined, simply plan to take a stroll every day. Other ideas include biking, bowling or gardening. My hubby relieves stress by chopping wood! I recently purchased a yoga DVD produced by a Christian organization in which the instructor quotes scriptures while you are stretching. The point is to get up and move. You will be surprised at the improvement in your coping skills!

Dear Child of God, I pray that your soul will be at rest as you recognize that the Lord has been good to you. May the Lord  deliver your eyes from tears and your feet from stumbling. (Based on Psalm 116)

I would love for you to join our Grieving Tool Box group at Christian Women Take Root ! Stop by for a visit and check us out.

Grieving Forward; Your Toolbox for Grieving

© All Rights Reserved Cathey Stott