Who would do this if I didn't?

Each Saturday I find myself doing what seems like a million jobs around my house that nobody would even notice...unless I didn't do them anymore for a while.  Then certain things would become a real mess!  It takes me at least half the day to get all these things done, some days the whole day.  But they are mostly unnoticed by anyone else, because I keep up with them and maintain the smooth running of things.   Many times on Saturdays I rush around out of breath just to get everything done and meanwhile my kids don't even realize it.  They are doing their own thing.  Why do I tell you all this?  I know you really don't care about my Saturday cleaning routine but I am headed toward making a point here so stay with me!

In the church I find myself doing many things as the partner to the pastor that go undetected by 99.9% of people.  These things are behind the scenes, extremely important things, which left unchecked would leave a real void.  Because I am doing them on a regular basis, the ship runs more smoothly.  No one would be aware of the importance of these things, unless...I did not do them anymore. 

Just as we do many things in our home in serving as wife and mother, so we do many things in the church as spiritual mother that affect the welfare of our church and it's precious people.  Many people are unaware of these things but it doesn't make the things any less important.

Sometimes it's as simple as having the knowledge of a difficult time in a person's life and dropping a note in the mail to them.  It's seeing the person over in the corner at a fellowship and taking time to notice them and give an encouraging word.  It's bending down to take a child in your arms who is crying because some other children have excluded them from their group.  It's making a phone call to someone you just have a sense needs to hear a word of life.  Sometimes it entails taking care of an administrative task for your husband that was left undone by someone else that could really affect the services the next weekend.  So, you step in and "save the day" so things will go smoothly, and no one is the wiser that something almost fell through the cracks.

The other day I was thinking about this as I was doing one such task, and the thought came to me, "Who would do this if I wasn't doing it?"  The simple answer is:  no one.  There would be a void...an empty space...something important left undone...or perhaps not ever started in some cases.   

Your ministry does make a difference, pastor’ wife. Many things would not be accomplished, and many people would go unreached in your local church, were in not for your caring touch.

If you stopped doing things around your home that needed attention, would someone else rise up and do it?  No.  A lot of things would just become an incredible mess.  (Trust me, I tried it once.  Ha!) If you decided to pay no attention to things happening and not love on your kids, or give them any attention, would someone else?  (Usually only the wrong people such as drug dealers or the wrong type of boyfriend/girlfriend.  That's exactly why a lot of kids get in trouble.) If you suddenly stopped doing the small everyday things that no one may notice, it might not seem a big deal for a day or two, but left long term it could wreck your family.  So it is with your church family.  Simply put, they need you!

You do fulfill a role that no one else can as the wife to the pastor.  The things you are doing are important, whether anyone sees all of it or not.  It's not about being "prominent" but it's about being "significant."  My liver is not a prominent part of my body.  I have never seen it but I'm sure it's not all that attractive.  I get queasy about stuff like that, in fact I can't watch those operations on the Discovery Channel, as I get faint just watching a few seconds of them! My son Jordan could watch them for hours.  Well, I have never seen my liver and no one else has either.  However, although not prominent or displayed it is a very significant part of me that I could not live without.  Other things can be missing from the body.   But the liver cannot be missing although completely hidden from the public eye.  The heart cannot be missing although we never see what it does.  I have never seen my heart work, but I know it works.  I wouldn't be sitting here typing this to you right now if it didn't work.   Just because you cannot always

SEE...

something working doesn't mean it's not incredibly significant.

One of my mentors,  June Coker often says, "They won't miss the water til' the well runs dry."  Sometimes people don't know what they have until it's gone.  It's true that many times we do not appreciate something until we don’t have it anymore.  Perhaps you feel that way sometimes - that no one realizes what you do nor appreciates it. I want to tell you that if you weren't doing it anymore, they sure would miss you.  More than words could ever express.  Many times when we were at our previous church, I realized that many people did not realize all that I gave of myself. Months would go by without so much as a simple “thanks.” I always kept my focus on the fact that I was doing what I did as unto the Lord, not for the thanks of people. But after we were gone, it is amazing the letters, calls and e-mails I receive even up until this day six years later, with people saying, "Thank you. We never realized…” I have e-mails, notes, cards, etc. from my former church people tacked on my bulletin board in my current office that say, "Only when you were gone did we realize the tremendous void that will never be re-filled..." and... "things will never be the same" and..."thank you for all you did that many times went un-noticed."  Sometimes the real thanks only comes after you are not there anymore, and sometimes the thanks will not come until heaven! 

I tell you this to encourage you to take heart – they don’t realize, and it’s not intentional.  How many times do you tell yourself that until your children get older they will not realize all the sacrifices you made in parenting them?  Or just how much you cared?  Your kids are absolutely oblivious to how hard you work, how much you do, how many bills you pay, how much you sacrifice so they can have things and do things.  They are KIDS. There was a time a few years back that my boys had just left on a ski trip at 5 am with the youth group.  They called me three times that morning to tell me of all the fun they are having driving through Georgia, South Carolina, and North Carolina. They were having the time of their life.  They were completely oblivious to the stress their father and I went through the day before trying to find them a pair of waterproof winter gloves, here in Central Florida in March.  It's was already spring in Florida. The flowers were blooming. Nobody in Florida cared at that moment about skiing. (Except the 15 kids who left on this trip that morning.) My husband went to ten stores looking for just a pair of gloves.  He was so stressed out. My boys were oblivious to the fact that their father had to drive all the way back to a special store on the opposite side of town to exchange their snow suits for a bigger size because the boys told him the wrong size on the phone the day before.  They were completely clueless as to how much stress it was for me that day to host an evangelist's family of six people who had been with us in a week's revival, then race home for supper, get more things packed for their suitcases, head off to another church where I preached that night, and get back late in time to kiss my little girl good night and finish getting the boys ready for the ski trip.  They were oblivious to the fact that their Dad got up at 4am on his day off today to take them to the church to leave on the trip. They are oblivious to all the money we shelled out on this trip and so many other trips in the past and those yet to come.  All they knew was that they were having a great time on the church van that day and it was going to be even more fun going down the slopes the next day!  They won't realize much of anything their father and I have done for them until they are about thirty and then it will finally dawn on them.  (After they have their own kids.) Who knows...they might not even fully realize it until their father and I are...........gone.

Your church people show up to church each week and many times they are oblivious as to what it took to keep the place running all week.  All they know is, “yippee! It’s Sunday morning and we are having the time of our life!” They are swaying back and forth to the praise and worship, enjoying the sermon, shedding a few tears at the altar, and going home feeling like a million bucks.  They show up week after week and see everything in it's place and ready to roll, completely clueless as to how everything got there.  I teasingly say some church people must think a fairy godmother keeps everything going behind the scenes. Well, we're not fairies (thank God), but in a way, we are "God-Mothers." 

Ladies, your “church kids” might not realize the stuff you do but that's really inconsequential.  I believe just as we Moms are the heart of the home, so us pastor’s wives are the “heart” of our church.  (Sounds better than the liver of your church so I thought I would use that one...) You play a significant role although many of the things you do are not seen.  I play an "up front" role as some of you do, but what most people don't realize is, the time I spend in behind the scenes things still far, far, far outweighs the time I'm in front of people doing something publicly.  Sheep will never realize all we do because sheep have a different view.  The shepherd stands up on two legs, while the sheep are down on all fours.  I don't say this in a demeaning way but to illustrate...a shepherd stands up on two legs and this means they see further down the road.  God makes them so they see things the sheep can't see, nor understand.  The shepherd lovingly cares for the sheep and many times the sheep are completely clueless of just how much the shepherd does.  In fact, their very lives are many times protected by the shepherd and they don't even realize it!  Don't get mad if your sheep don't realize what you do.   They are just being normal sheep.

Who would do this if you didn't?  Nobody.  So don't stop.

Comments

[Venus]

Deanna, that was one of the best things I have ever read. THANK YOU so much for the analogy of the shepherd and the sheep. I am printing this out and taking home so I can read it on my Saturdays when I am having those "I'm just gonna stop doing it!" moments!

[Meredith]

Thank you so much for your word of encouragement! It was a "shot in the arm" for me! Blessings! I can only say, AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!