Romancing Despite the Distance

February 09, 2009

Before I even begin this month's column I am going to put out a disclaimer. Here it is:

I am not, nor will I pretend to be, competent in this area of romance.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way and have informed you that I am in the boat with you, let's learn together how we can tackle this thing called romance when there is distance between our husbands and ourselves.

To begin, I'd like to share with you a very simple little visual that I discovered last year. This visual is something I come back to time and time again. It helps me to keep my priorities in check. Let me show it to you and then I'll explain.

Obviously, this is an inverted triangle divided into three sections: God, husband, and children. God is at the top; the largest area is dedicated to him. Husband is just below and given a slightly smaller section of the triangle, but not the least. The bottom of the triangle is the smallest area and set aside for our children. Our lives should reflect this triangle. We all know that God should be #1 in our lives, but did you know that our husbands should come next, not our children? This is an especially easy habit for us as Marriage from a Distance moms to fall into...putting the children before our husbands.

This month's challenge is to draw the above inverted triangle and label it accordingly. Stick it on your refrigerator or somewhere that you are guaranteed to see it daily if not hourly. Take note of where God, your husband, and your children fall on the triangle in your life. Are they in their correct places or are they a bit out of place? This month focus on getting your triangle in order. This will definitely help in getting the stage set for romancing your husband.

Some of the suggestions I'll share with you I have tried, some I have read about and dream of trying. Nonetheless, they are all great ideas.

Meet hubby before he gets home. If he's a pilot or a traveling business man meet him at the airport, then go to a local restaurant for a little date before he comes home and has to divide his attention multiple ways with all the family. Even if your husband works locally, but long hours, meet him during his lunch break. You could even bring lunch and go to a local park so there is less time spent waiting in line and more time visiting with each other. Be sure to have childcare already lined up if needed. This is meant to be your time with your husband.

Dates and get-a-ways. I know this is a tough one to do when hubby isn't home much, but we must purposefully work time into our lives for our marriage. One resource, if you are lacking in creativity, is Simply Romantic Nights. This is a box filled with twenty four dates, twelve for him and twelve for her.

Stash notes...an oldie but goody. Stash a note in your husbands suitcase, pants pocket, or lunch reminding him that you love him and will be thinking about him while he's gone.

Communicate. Don't forget to use your phone, email, text messaging, or whatever means of communication you prefer. This will help keep both of you on the same page which will benefit your relationship.

Be Creative. Dream, think about what the both of you enjoy doing, and then plan a date. If finding a sitter is difficult or the financial belt is tight then send the kids to bed early and have a date at home.

Have fun. This is probably the most important thing to keep in mind after the triangle visual. It's so hard to remember to have fun when we are caught up in our daily duties. So let loose!

Romance is so important to a healthy marriage. No doubt. Let's focus on this fun part of marriage and keeping our triangles in order this month. Drop by the Marriage from a Distance discussion and share your ideas on how to keep the romance going despite the distance.