Who Will Bear My Burden?

When the Bible tells us to share our burdens with others, in "Carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2 NET Bible), it uses the word burden that has two useful definitions in the original Greek word, baros. We can have our burden carried away as a wheelbarrow can haul away things we no longer need, or we can have our burden supported as a tomato stake helps the weight of the tomato plant from falling over. God needs you to walk through your tribulation in order to turn the ashes of your life to beauty.

When you need another to help bear your burden, be specific with your need. Let your dear sister-in-the-Lord know whether you need her to carry the load away to the cross or if you are seeking someone to stand with you through the time of need. This will allow her to be certain in the way she approaches prayer and assists you. Notice that I said, "sister-in-the-Lord". . . this is extremely important.

The only male assistance you can use is your spouse, sibling, or parent. It is very dangerous for a lady to place herself in the hands of a male friend, relative, or counselor when she is vulnerable. I recommend that you do not bear your heart, deeply or over a prolonged number of visits, with a male counselor or even a pastor. Many pastors are already sensitive to this and leave their door open or have a window in their office door. Satan is always seek a way he can destroy Christians, but particularly saints who are seeking healing or servants ministering to the oppressed and brokenhearted.

A lot of trauma that females experience are sexual in nature. Because of this truth, a female should always seek godly female aid. Men, even professional counselors, do not need to be alone in an office with a lady sharing her trauma. Some male counselors have been trained to be casual in speaking about sex with clients to help them feel comfortable to open up in sessions.  This can be a fertile ground for emotional, if not physical, abuse to an already susceptible female. There is too much risk for innocent affection or attachment to begin with the person who is helping you heal. I am so sorry to say that I learned this critical lesson the hard way, through personal experience and recommend that you never put yourself in this unguarded situation.

Often, when my support was not able to shoulder my heavy burden, I pressed into God. He is the only perfect helper.  Steadfast, long-suffering friendship is not easy to find. It is not as if we can go to a store and purchase true, faithful, healthy emotional support.  Unfortunately the more intense abuse we endured, the greater our needs can be.  As we become increasingly needy, the more we scare people away that could be healthy help during a very difficult healing process. Learn to pour out your heart to God, and share limited information with most people beyond your doctors.  A person is only as strong in her ability to carry your burden as her depth and strength of her personal relationship with Jesus. Therefore, pray for God to provide women in your life who are very committed to Him.

I have also had times in my life when I shared way too much with too many people. I was desperate for help so I frequently sent emails to about twenty women including siblings, friends, and current church members. This did not really provide me any valuable support and it honestly made some of the people so uncomfortable that they asked to be taken off my e-mail list. It was as if I was throwing out a huge net hoping to catch a few helpful people. Instead I was left with women avoiding me because they didn't know what to do for me and they were unable to relate to my experiences.

I felt my past identified who I was. When I began to know someone, I revealed so much about the abuse and trauma of my life that I made people uneasy. It is true that my childhood did shape who I was. However, it was not necessary for me to give a lot of personal details to be able to rely on someone or to make a friend. Never say more than you are comfortable disclosing and be sensitive to your friend's comfort level. You do not need to be a bleeding, open book. Only tell people you prayerfully choose to tell. Your abuse/trauma may have an affected who you are today, but it does not define you. It is not who you are. It is what happens to you. God will use all of your pain to conform you to the image of Christ, the person God originally created you to be. 

Remember to seek Jesus.  He said, "Come to Me all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30). So, before you start looking to people to help you carry the emotional load, you must have Jesus' help. He alone is essential for your healing.

Comments

[Debbie]

I can so relate to this post! I've had many burdens in the past couple of years, and have done the "tell all" which backfired on me, have done the "tell none" which left me feeling isolated and alone, and I've been able to find the grace of God, which also gave me a select few blessed friends whom I can trust and entrust with my burdens.

My reaction to trauma is being transformed - slowly - into one of responding to God. Knowing He is Sovereign and has a good purpose for every thing in my life, and learning to wait for Him to lead me and provide sisterly support from godly women has given me a new outlook and a closer walk with The Lord, My Healer.