I Don't Know You Anymore Part 1

This is the face of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

For three years, Amy* didn't sleep, she dozed waiting for those first screams from her husband, Jim*. The nightmares and cold sweats were a nightly event. Amy had to learn how to bring Jim back from his memories of Iraq and the IED's going off in his dreams. Constantly repeating he was home, in his bed, with her would break the stranglehold on his mind.

After too many near accidents on the road, Amy would drive. The safety of her two children and herself was at stake. When Jim had driven, he would return to Iraq. The gravel shoulders had been grated up, looking exactly like the detonator trails leading to the roadside bombs. Jim would swerve into the other lane to avoid the bomb. Thankfully, the times this occurred there were no oncoming vehicles. Even after Amy took over the driving, Jim would sit tensed up, waiting for the bombs to explode. Amy's  mantra of the world around them being green was the only way Jim could bring himself back from Iraq.

Public places with large crowds were impossible. If they went to a restaurant, Jim had to sit with his back to the wall. His attention was never focused on Amy, he was constantly watching the people passing by, looking for hidden weapons and certain hand movements. He couldn't turn off his high state of alertness.

Jim retreated from his family. He spent more time with his friends, and drank more. Only to feel guilty about neglecting his family. Jim was searching for that brotherhood he had with his fellow soldiers, and still is.

Amy began to resent Jim. Her life had been ripped apart. No longer was she a partner in this marriage, she was now a caretaker to two children and her husband. She walked a fine line with the kids, controlling them to prevent any blowups Jim might have, and protecting them from his outbursts. Her marriage was teetering on the brink.

Finally, eight months ago, Jim sought treatment at the VA. Slowly, things are getting better for Jim and Amy and their family. With the help of drugs and therapy, Amy has started to see the man she loved returning. After a nearly fatal mix of alcohol and his meds, Jim has stopped drinking. The nightmares have retreated to a few times a month instead of nightly. They're usually triggered by something he might encounter during the day. The 4th of July is especially a difficult time. Jim left the Army a few months ago. His PTSD is being aggravated by his time with them.

It's a slow process. One that not many people talk about because typically spouses in Amy's situation don't stick around. They leave because they can't take it anymore. PTSD is also something that all too often is swept under the rug, even by the military. The results can be deadly.

 The United States Department of Veterans Affairs classifies PTSD as this: "Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can occur after you have been through a traumatic event. A traumatic event is something horrible and scary that you see or that happens to you. During this type of event, you think that your life or others’ lives are in danger. You may have felt afraid or felt that you had no control over what was happening."

Symptoms can include:

• Feeling upset about things that remind you of the incident
• Nightmares, vivid memories, or flashbacks of the incident. Like it's happening all over again
• Avoidance of places or things reminding you of the incident
• You feel numb or lose interest in things you used to care about and love to do
• You feel that you're always in danger
• You feel anxious, jittery, or angry
• Trouble sleeping or keeping your mind on one thing

Behavioral changes can affect everything around you, including your life. Sufferers tend to pull away from other people, work all the time, or abuse drugs and/or alcohol. Relationships with a spouse and the family are problematic, rift with fighting, avoidance, and blame. Suffers may become depressed. In some cases soldiers with PTSD can experience panic attacks, which are sudden feelings of fear or anxiety that something bad is about to happen.

Many times symptoms don't show for months, even years. Veterans from WWII, Korea, Vietnam, and the Gulf War were led to believe they had to muscle through. Today, these men are paying for a silent horror that never left them. Even today's returning Vet's battle the stigma the military hasn't given up. The mentality that your not a man if you can't deal with the problem on your own has forced many soldiers to a place of no return.

From Mark Benjamin's piece in Salon the week of February 10, 2009:

"The day before Halloween 2008, Army Pvt. Adam Lieberman swallowed handfuls of prescription pain pills and psychotropic drugs. Then he picked up a can of black paint and smeared onto the wall of his room in the Fort Carson barracks what he thought would be his last words to the world. "I FACED THE ENEMY AND LIVED!" Lieberman painted on the wall in big, black letters. "IT WAS THE DEATH DEALERS THAT TOOK MY LIFE!" Soldiers called Lieberman's unit, the 1st Battalion, 67th Armored Regiment, the Death Dealers. Adam suffered serious mental health problems after a year of combat in Iraq. The Army, however, blamed his problems on a personality disorder, anxiety disorder or alcohol abuse -- anything but the war. Instead of receiving treatment from the Army for his war-related problems, Adam faced something more akin to harassment. He was punished and demoted for his bad behavior, but not treated effectively for its cause. The Army's fervent tough-guy atmosphere discouraged Adam from seeking help. Eventually he saw no other way out. Now, in what was to be his last message, he pointed the finger at the Army for his death."

Pvt. Lieberman was slightly lucky, as he was saved from his suicide attempt. What occurred after this was horrendous. His chain of command filed charges against him for "defacing government property", and he was never given proper treatment as far as I know according the article.

In the next article, I'll talk about the suicide rates and the treatments that soldiers are getting when they're diagnosed with PTSD.

*Names have been changed on request of the individuals.

Comments

[Lindy Abbott]

Winter,

I want you to know that there is real help for these soldiers. They don't usually find it with the military but they can find it with private counseling.

What they need is intense trauma counseling. They can find help with a counselor trained in EMDR (eye movement desensitization reprogramming) and brainspotting, which deals with a window of the brain through an eye spot. This is a new area of therapy...with brainspotting as the newest. Counselors can be found throughout the country.

My personal blog deals a lot with post traumatic problems, healing using brain therapy, and dissociative disorder. Really these soliders are dissociating and being tripped back into actually being there again...they feel all the physiological, mental and emotions of being there.

A few things can be done to ground a person back to present day. It works with activating the sympathetic nervous system...having them smell peppermint extract, pressing the temples of the head, splashing water in face, holding and rocking motion, walking or running, push ups against the wall, etc. Different things work with different people depending on what trip them. If a solider was running in their terror nightmare it would not be a good idea to run, that would push them deeper into dissociation.

Please get this information out to these beautiful people who have served our country. Contact me for more info if needed!

[Winter]

Lindy, thank you so much. I will take you up on that offer in the next article when I talk about treatments.

This is a glossed over issue in the military. And when it does rear it's ugly head the military doesn't have the right outlets to help these soldiers heal. They need all the help they can get.