Breaking the Cycle of Abuse - Part 2

People who have been abused have one thing in common - they hate to be told they must forgive their abuser. "You don't know what you are talking about!" "Don't give me that religious crap!" "I will NEVER  forgive or forget what was done to me." "How dare you push forgiveness in my face!" "You don't understand, you could never understand; if you did you would never ask me to forgive." "It is impossible. I have tried over and over. How can I ever completely forgive?"

But in all this deep emotion, people who have been abused share something else in common, they all have the responsibility to break the cycle of abuse. Forgiveness is about God. It is not about you. Since God is able, He can change the course set by generations of evil living and ensure that you will be able to train up a godly generation; a generation that will be determined to never abuse their children.

For the abused, there is little shortage of experiencing great needs. Often, a person who has lived through the hell associated with an abusive home fervently seeks the answers to life. They are compelled by a deep-seated, inner emptiness knowing there must be more to living than suffering. The hunger to be set free from pain frequently leads a survivor of abuse to push through the shallowness of fake-living to seek a deeper meaning and a way to be healed. When a person genuinely seeks Truth, God makes sure that it can be found through Him.

Forgiveness

Out of repentance, a person walks toward salvation having the option to choose to believe and accept God's gifts through faith in Christ Jesus. It is at the foot of the cross that God pours forth His cleansing forgiveness. And this wonderful liberating gift of being pardoned of one's sin is forever available to a Child of God, throughout one's life. It is after receiving forgiveness from God that a puzzling problem begins for a survivor of abuse. While God forgives infinitely, we cling to the pain of hurt with a determination to not let the abuser go unpunished. We have a blinding belief that no one so evil could ever be deserving of such a beautiful gift as forgiveness.

It is from this point of bitterness, cloaked in the robe of justice, that we allow this root of sin to have a place in the soil of our heart. We innately know sin must be punished, and therefore we live to make sure the abuse is not forgotten and that the abuser receives the penalty deserved. In my last article I wrote about repentance and how God forgives us of all the sin we have committed in our past, present and future. All sin is covered by the blood Jesus shed on the cross. I also showed how no one person could ever sin more against us then we have and would sin against God in our lifetime by answering "who sinned more, you against your Heavenly Father or your abuser against you?"

This is the follow-up question: "If you have been forgiven so much by your Heavenly Father, how can you not forgive so little (in comparison) of what your abuser has done to you?" I know, this question hurts! It digs deep to the core of imagining that you could ever let your abuser free from owning you such a debt for all the pain, destruction, and consequences you suffer. Life after being abused is living hell, so why should you dare be asked to forgive the abuser. Why should you forgive and set this person free? The answer is, God.

God's Word cries out Its Truth: God says, " Vengence is Mine!" Listen closely, God is going to remember all the abuse done to you, and it is God who is going to make certain justice is dealt out. But as for you, you must release your abuser to God. Since God is just, He will not allow sin to go unpunished - it will either be covered by the acceptance of Jesus' provision on the cross or by dying an eternal death in Hell separated from Him. But you are not God, and only God gives the final judgment to sin.

The good news is  you are released from the abuser, after you forgive. This wicked person is longer going to be dragged along you like a ball and chain through life destroying any hope you may have for a future. In releasing this person from owing you for all the abuse they brought into your life, you set yourself free to walk lighter and happier through life. You can begin to experience, life as God intended it, apart from abuse. Through forgiveness, God will breath into you a freshness of peace because you will no longer be chained to the abuse of the past, but you will walk with God in healing.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. When you release the abuser from owing you anything, you are free to live free from the control of your abuser. And to be quite frank, they never had the ability to pay the debt they owed to you. They could never remove the abuse done to you or heal you from their sin. As God forgave you of your millions of sins against Him, you in turn must forgive your abuser of the hundreds, or even thousand of sins committed against you.

Take time to examine your heart in the two areas we have already covered in this series: Repentance and Forgiveness. And be ready in two weeks to tackle what surrender means in the heart of one who has been abused. Truly, I am so sorry you have been abused and that you have to go through these steps, but I promise you, the blessing of breaking the cycle of abuse will be worth all of the heart work you must do.