Holiday Gatherings and The Personalities

Most people attend more parties in December than they do the rest of the year. We have office parties, church celebrations, children’s parties, our club gatherings and so on and so on.

Inevitably, the more people we come in contact with, the more opportunities arise for personality conflicts. However, if we are familiar with The Personalities, we can understand why people display certain mannerisms and help others comprehend why Aunt Susie must talk all the time. Or why Cousin Kate is usually telling everyone what to do, and why Melody, keeps rearranging the table while everyone else is gathering for the family photo. And why, oh why Phil is never excited or emotional about anything going on around him?

Let us start by using visual clues to identify each personality and how communicate effectively with each personality trait through the festivities.

Popular Sanguine

For the most part, the Popular Sanguine is the easiest to identify. Just listen for the person speaking the loudest with the most people gathered listening to her stories. She may be dressed with the flashiest colors because Sanguines have a tendency to want to be noticed.

If you’re a Popular Sanguine such as Aunt Susie, when at the holiday parties and gatherings, you may want to limit your conversations and give other people a chance to speak. If you’re telling a really great story and you are interrupted, only resume the story if asked. As a Sanguine, I know it is disappointing when no one asks me to resume my story; maybe it wasn’t such a great story after all. Try asking other people questions about their lives. Then REALLY listen to their answer without interrupting with your thoughts.

If you are not a Popular Sanguine and this personality tends to annoy you, try some of these simple communication tips for the sake of peace. Give Aunt Susie your full attention without glancing around the room or at other people. Show her your approval with the nodding of the head, but be sincere and authentic avoiding to many “uh-huhs.” Perhaps relating to her on a specific point will show her you really care. That will make her day.

Powerful Choleric

This personality is the doer. Before the party, cousin Kate ensured all the decorations were out and all the lights worked. They are not much for standing or sitting idle in small talk. For example, Cousin Kate is busy making sure all the drinks are out and the food ready for the designated time. Throughout the party she may ensure that a fresh supply of snacks and drinks are kept out.

If you are a Powerful Choleric, practice requesting help from others rather than  demanding it. “Please take this dish to the kitchen,” is a nicer way to enlist help rather than demanding it like a drill sergeant. Not everyone is as practical a thinker as a choleric. Try slowing down the pace a little bit and listen to some ongoing conversations and actually listen, not cutting others off or finishing their sentences for them.

If you are communicating with a Powerful Choleric, it may be best to keep your conversation to the point. As a Sanguine, I enjoy building up to the point with my stories. But with a particular friend, who is a Choleric, she’ll interrupt me and ask, “What’s the point?” I have to remember with her that I need to speak with the journalistic approach giving the bottom line first. Then if she’s interested, I’ll fill in a few details.

Perfect Melancholy

This personality tends to be the perfectionist. Melody, for example may want to have the table setting just right before the first photo is snapped. She may try to get everyone to stand and sit in a particular order for the family photo. She’s really not trying to annoy anyone, she just wants everything . . .well, perfect.

If you are a Perfect Melancholy, realize that your attention to detail may frustrate others. Slightly adjust your expectations because no one is perfect. When speaking to other people, try not to overwhelm them with all the details. A Melancholy personality has the tendency to be pessimistic, so focus on the positive aspects of others. Instead of criticizing Aunt Susie’s bright red dress, find some thing about her that you can sincerely compliment.

If you are communicating with a Perfect Melancholy, ask them if it is a good time to talk because interruptions often upset this schedule-oriented person. When speaking to her, give her the facts and details because she loves them one and all. So where you had to give Cousin Kate the bottom line, Melody will appreciate all the ins and outs of every story.

Peaceful Phlegmatic

This individual can be the most difficult to identify because they can mimic any of the other personalities. For the most part, though, the Phlegmatic is usually quiet and agrees with whatever is going on. If others say they want to eat now, they’ll agree. While the part of the family is arguing over opening the presents before eating, peaceful Phil agrees with them too. While members of the family debate over what to do next, Phil kicks back and watches the ball game or movie allowing others to sort it all out. He’ll participate when a decision is made.

If you are a Peaceful Phlegmatic, remember to express an opinion once in a while. Practice making a choice. If you’re asked, “Do you want pecan pie or pumpkin pie?” Instead of saying, “Whatever is easiest,” choose. Share your ideas in a conversation and speak a little louder than normal.

If you are talking to a Peaceful Phlegmatic, show your respect to him. Tell him what attributes you appreciate as the Phlegmatic needs respect. Phil may not talk much, but when he does, listen to what he has to say. Give him your focused attention not looking around for something else to do. Wait until he is finished before saying what is on your mind.

The visual clues mentioned above for each personality, will help you to understand which personality trait you display the most and identify the personality of the one with whom you’re communicating. By better understanding The Personalities during this holiday season, communication will  improve and result in a more peaceful holiday gatherings.

“Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!” (Luke 2:14, NKJV)

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

Comments

[Christina Ketchum]

That was very informative. I think I am the Peaceful Phlegmatic for the most part. I love being around all my extended family for the Holidays but this year it will be just us and my mom-in-law. Great post!

[Shonda]

Cristina, Thanks for reading this post. Sounds like that no matter what's going on with your extended family you enjoy them. I'm striving to be more like that as I understand the personalities.
Blessings!

[Lindy Abbott]

I just love these personality articles. I find myself trying to pick out myself and other family members. Unfortunately I tend not to be the peaceful phlegmatic...unless it is about something I couldn't give a hoot, then I would say, "do whatever ya want."

I cringe to think that I am more the bossy one ... my children would certainly relate to the "hey, get those dishes to the dishwasher." My 16 yr old son told me today to not give him so many directions, "just say clean the bathroom." But I know if I say that he will walk in, smile in the mirror and walk out as he kicks the rug to make it look a little straighter.

My perfectly melancholy husband keeps the children and I a little nutts with all of this planning, details, and another family meeting, but he does get the bills paid on time and keep us from needing the house to be cleaned with a bulldozer.

Our family may have one major problem...we are top heavy with Sanguines! Maybe this is why we have so many projects all over, that never get finished. Children who stay up all night and wake with the roosters- not wanting to miss any playtime. My son wears bright aqua and thinks over 10 girls like him. My daughter thinks green and white striped socks with florescent pink shoes goes with any outfit.

See how much I relate to these articles. It is probably because I think they are fun!