God's Grace is Sufficient

Have you ever experienced a season when your faith crumbled like cake? A few weeks ago, I did. I thought the pain of past infidelity ended years ago. Unfortunately, the dangerous thoughts of divorce resurfaced. For example, my mind whispered to my heart, He doesn't deserve you, and, Move on; let him go.

These thoughts raced through my mind in a never ending contest between my flesh and my spirit. I was overwhelmed, and succumbed to the flesh. I isolated myself and rejected my husband; the pressure was unbearable. I began to pray and share my problems with my heavenly Daddy who, in time, showed me that His grace was (and always will be) sufficient.

Years ago, God led me to stay with my husband; and I did! Unfortunately, years later the suggestion of divorce crept back into my life. In my finite wisdom, I tried to ignore it. However, despite my best efforts, those thoughts tormented me. I contemplated divorce, and that allowed the spirit of pride to grab control of my life. The more Pride spoke, the more I listened. As I let this dangerous voice grow, I wallowed in my flesh and began to look at my husband with contempt and disgust. My desire to be with him faded away, and I avoided him at all cost. When I couldn't avoid him, I gave him the cold shoulder. All the time, the battle of leaving or staying raged in my mind. The enemy had a hold on me and was about to win the battle.

Being at the end of my rope, my hope had ebbed away like the sea retreating from a lonely beach. Isolated and confused, there were no answers within my reach, and I realized that I was the one who had allowed this ugly tide of divorce to rise higher than it needed.

I retreated to a quiet place to commune with God. I acknowledged my pain, my failed strength, and unbelief. When I asked God to take away the pain, I heard nothing. I prayed again, but still the silence was deafening. This continued until, early one morning, I awoke and heard a preacher talk about "The Lord is my Shepherd."

The title drew me in. It was the spiritual food I needed to win the battle. Upon the conclusion of the sermon, the spirit of pride had been washed out into the sea, far away from my marriage. And along with it, the desire to divorce my husband had ebbed out of my thoughts. Once again, I joyfully embraced my husband  when he reached out to me. Instead of rejecting him, I told him how much I loved him.

Unfortunately, my deliverance did not keep the enemy away. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 illustrates why the enemy would not leave me alone:

"Even though I have received wonderful revelations from God. But to keep me from getting puffed up, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to keep me from getting proud. Three different times, I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said,"My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness".So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may work best through me. Since I know it is all for Christ's good. I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships and persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

It is important to remember that when we go through hardships and trials, to not ask God to remove them as I did. I know that is hard, but God works best when we are at our weakest. Pray to your Heavenly Father for the strength to endure and allow His glory to be manifested in and through you.

The temptation to divorce, quit, and/or give up on your marriage may invade your thoughts. Just like me, you may struggle against the strong tide of divorce. Wait! Have you consulted with God? I did, thankfully. I have to admit His answer was not what I wanted to hear, but I chose to obey. And He has blown my mind ever since. Even though God commanded me to stay, I still prayed. My deliverance and change did not occur overnight, but it did.

Ever since my battle, I now share with my husband. I was ashamed at first, but later told him how I felt. As a result, our relationship became closer and more intimate. I was able to tell him what I was holding inside. My husband did not judge me or criticize me. He instead apologized for his actions and wishes I would have told him earlier. Today, my husband is more understanding and patient. He even pays attention if I am not my usual self.

Change will come. Keep praying and do not give up. Let God speak to you. "Behold the hand of the Lord is not shortened,that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear"(Isaiah 59:1 KJV). God's grace was sufficient for me as it is for you.