It is Not Your Fault

"Am I lovable? Am I huggable?" is the heart cry of every child. Yesterday I gave a boy twice my size a hug. He was hanging out with youth before the church service started. He was in the crowded room but not really connected to anyone. I had cried for him the previous day, when I heard he'd being taken to juvenile court. He was going before a judge because he lost control and beat his sister. Why would I cry for a big kid who had just beat up his sister? He has fetal alcohol syndrome. When his mom was pregnant and he was in her womb, she drank and drugged.

This teen did not put one glass of liquor to his lips, but he will always be marked by effects of his mom drinking while pregnant. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is not a birth defect, but it creates irreversible damage to the baby. The symptoms vary but include: heart defects, joint deformities, sleep problems, learning disabilities, poor impulse control, extreme nervousness, high adrenaline strength, and sudden rage.

Many times these babies are neglected, abused and placed into foster care. While most who foster or adopt are loving adults, often they will struggle tremendously trying to help the child adjust. Many people who are born with illnesses or disease that cause abnormal or even destructive emotional behavior frequently live a painful life of never feeling like they can fit in.

Deep internal desires to control their thoughts or behaviors are sporadic causing guilt, anger and thoughts of suicide. Every child wants to be loved and to love others. When a person realizes that they hurt the people closest to them, the very people in life trying to help them, it is emotionally crushing. No easy solutions are available.

Several types of mental illness are genetic Others are a result of hurtful behavior of the caretaker or traumatic life experiences. Schizophrenia, Bi-polar, and extreme depressive disorders are a few mental illnesses that do not always develop from being abused. Quite often disorders can be a combination of abuse and genetic predisposition causing a cycle of irrational behaviors and thoughts.

Diagnosis by a psychiatric doctor is essential to ensure the patient gets proper medical attention to lessen or eliminate symptoms that cannot be controlled therapy alone. Many times a person cannot cope with the rigors of therapy if they do not have stabilizing medication. Being willing to taking medication can be a real hurdle to overcome, especially for Christians who believe taking psychiatric medication is equated to spiritual weakness or even sin.

A person suffering from mental illness needs to embrace the fact that their illness is not their own fault. I am not saying they are not responsible for their action or they can't take necessary steps toward recovery. Mental illness is a horrible, debilitating condition that cannot be controlled simply by trying harder or praying more. No one would tell a person with cancer, diabetes, or thyroid disease to have more faith in God and to not get medical treatment, nor would they blame them for getting sick.

While a person does not choose to be mentally ill, they can choose to be responsible for their mental illness and to do everything they possibly can to be stable for themselves and their family. They must surrender the situation to God and listen for His direction for healing. Obedience to God is the key to being free from guilt. When you surrender to God, you give Him the ultimate responsibility for the outcome.

By the grace of God, I walked 20 years through the healing process of being mentally ill. It took me over thirty years to accept the fact that my abusive childhood caused me to have a mental illness. While my condition was not my fault, being obedient to God was my responsibility.

I had to learn that every person is unique. No one treatment plan or medication is perfect for every person. While God requires some people to slowly process specific parts of their past to gain the most glory and treasures through deep spiritual learning, He can choose to heal another by breaking through controlling disabilities in quick spiritual deliverance. 

Life will never be fair. None of us were promised a rose garden of wealth, health and personal bliss. What each of us were promised by God is that He will never leave us nor forsake us and He will heal us when we run to Him. In running to Him we must be willing to grow spiritually, allowing Him to take what was meant for evil in our life into the very thing that will conform us to the image of Christ Jesus. This is how Romans 8:28 is fulfilled, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

God proclaims in Scripture, "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:9 NASB). We may not understand why God allowed something to happen to us, nor why we are having to do a particular something to be healed. It is OK to not understand everything. What is important is that we trust God and know that He understands everything perfectly and is in totally in control.