Take Root and Write

When Relationships Must End

There aren't many times in our lives when saying goodbye is easy and without regret. I suppose if you were being released from the care of your radiation oncologist it may be a bit easier in regards to the regret, but even that goodbye would not be without it's significance. You would be moving on in better health, but the connection you would have forged with that doctor results in a bond that remains even after the farewell's are over. We call that a bittersweet parting; sweet for the promises of a new chapter in your life, yet bitter for loss of regular contact with someone who has become an intimate part of your life.

Bittersweet is how I would describe this, my last post here at Take Root and Write. The changes in my life which prompt my departure from TRW are exciting ones and full of the sweetness of the Lord. Yet, there is also that bitter side which requires me to say goodbye to an intimate chapter in my life, the Exploring Relationships column at Take Root and Write.

It has been an honor and a pleasure to share some of my thoughts with you this past year. May God continue to bless your relationships with each other as you continue to honor Him with them.

The Fruit and Your Relationships: Faith

It is interesting to me that faith is considered a fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-23 KJV) Most of the time when we hear about faith or speak about it, it is in context of something that we need to have or do or are lacking. Isn't it liberating then, to read that it is offered to us as a by-product of the Spirit in our lives; a natural result of following Christ?  In the matter of our relationships, faith is something we all benefit from.

In addition to the usual idea of faith being a conviction about our beliefs, Strong's Concordance of the Bible defines faith, as found in Galatians 5:22, as the character of one who can be relied on. I can just stop my post right there; that definition says it all. How many of the issues we face in our relationships could be averted if we were all automatically infused with that definition of faith?

 My husband Scott told me about something he'd read in Reader's Digest; a story Steven Covey had told about a business he'd been called in to consult for. Covey had taken note of the disrespect oozing from the employees in response to the manager. After finding all the processes and systems to be in place and in working order, he knew he'd have to dig deeper to find the root of the issue. If all the systems are running perfectly, where is the problem? In interviewing the employees he finally found his answer, they all knew the manager was having an affair with one of the other employees. That lack of integrity was undermining all of the systems that were otherwise perfection. Once the manager changed his ways and openly admitted and apologized for his actions, their machine began running smoothly. Problem solved.

The Fruit and Your Relationships: Goodness

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness... (Galatians 5:22 KJV) What greater litmus test of the evidence of that fruit, than what can be seen in our relationships? Shining a spotlight on our relationships, a connection none of us is without, can be a reliable indicator of how the Spirit is working in our lives; especially the fruit of goodness. If we are bearing that fruit, it will definitely be evident in our relationships!

However, I would be willing to wager that goodness is not what you think it is. Not if you are thinking of it as something you can be. We have been ingrained with notions of being good from infancy. It is so easy to equate the good things that we do as goodness. But the goodness that is referred to as a fruit of the Spirit has nothing to do with charity, benevolence, abstaining from badness or even descriptions of warm, gooey chocolaty things.

See, while the fruit of the Spirit is something we bear, it is not something that can actually be generated by our works; it is a by-product that is evidence of our submission to the Spirit. Matthew Henry's Commentary describes the fruit of the Spirit as fruits of the renewed nature; things which we are to nourish and cultivate.

Goodness, as defined by the Strong's concordance, is simply uprightness of heart and life. If we apply that concept to our relationships we can create a picture of someone who is adhering to the scriptures and living in such a way that is pleasing to the Lord. While goodness in our relationships is not something we can do directly, it is something that will be evidenced in our relationships when we are bearing fruit of the Spirit's cultivation in us personally.

The Fruit and Your Relationships: Gentleness

Gentleness is a tricky one. It's deceptive too, this Fruit of The Spirit that is included in that famous list of Galatians 5:22-23. Everyone knows what it is, right? Gentleness: it's sweet and quiet and kind and soft and fluffy bunnies, kittens and rainbows, right? Well, wait a minute! How is that a fruit of The Spirit?  I'm thinking about the word and what it means, yet I'm finding myself asking how it can be spiritual. Whenever I think of gentleness I imagine graceful, quiet movements with polite smiles and soft words. I can very well imagine myself attempting 'gentle', I can even envision 'quiet and soft', I can see in my mind's eye one of the kids holding a kitten and stroking it's fur, but when I try to apply those things to evidence of the Spirit's work I come up short. I can't even begin to get into how it applies to our relationships until I can understand what it looks like in real life.

Is it to be that 'gentleness' only applies to women and children? What about the men? What about that 300 pound linebacker? He's a Christian; he should have fruit of the Spirit too. Except I just can't reconcile that persona with the gentleness that I described above. What's he gonna do? Tiptoe through the end zone? I somehow think NOT! So what gives?

This same circular thinking was spiraling around in my brain one night and I just had to ask my husband what he thought about it all. He's a man of the Word; he may have some insight on gentleness that I had missed. Well, he didn't exactly have anything specifically about gentleness right off the top of his head, but he did have a word of wisdom for how I should think about gentleness. He simply asked me a question: what is the antithesis of gentleness?

So it would seem that in order to figure out how gentleness should look in our relationships, I need to think about how the opposite of gentleness looks in our relationships.

The Fruit and Your Relationships: Life, Liberty and Longsuffering

Okay, so we know going into this one that it is not going to be fun. I mean, you cannot say a word with suffering in it and be looking for a breezy time. At least there are no surprises here, right? We know straight up what is involved in suffering long; and we surely have all experienced first-hand just how important it is in healthy relationships! 

While longsuffering can basically be defined as patience, I think we sometimes fail to realize the depth of the meaning of the word, and how much more is involved in the bearing of that particular fruit; actions that go beyond simply waiting without complaining out loud. 

We have probably all heard the humorous prayer, "Lord, I want patience; and I want it RIGHT NOW!" Well while He is an on-time God, somehow I think that is not exactly what He has in mind. He does, however, have in mind for us to experience a level of longsuffering through His Spirit that we, of our own accord, are not able to conjure up no matter how many deep, calming breaths we may take.

My husband Scott seems to think I may have been placed in his life just to exercise his longsuffering on some occasions. One recurrent waking nightmare is the one where it is time to leave, he is ready to go, and I am not. This is a phenomenon that I have been unable to crack the code on, and it is also one that drives him absolutely crazy. It seems as though no matter what I do to prevent it, we end up there again with him calling up the stairs to see what is taking me so long and asking why I am not ready to go. And how much longer it will be. Also, asking if there is anything he can do to help me get out the door. Of course, I am rushing around up there with my heart pounding and hands shaking trying to finish getting ready in that state. 

The Fruit and Your Relationships: Peace (It's not just for hippies and doves)

Peace, as intangible as it is, can be had by everyone. Not just a passing peaceful feeling, induced by sedatives or some other external method, but a deep, lasting peace that, like joy, transcends the circumstances of your relationship or situation.

The word peace means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. If American culture is to be believed, then peace is all about an anti-war movement in the 60's or a symbol of a dove.
According to Wikipedia, there are many symbols for peace, in a myriad of cultures. What does peace mean for us personally though? What does peace look like in a relationship?

It is interesting to me, the seeming illusive nature of peace. It's not just something you can go get or build up or put on. It would appear that peace actually comes as a result of letting go.

I love the Strong's reference definition of peace for Galatians 5:22: of Christianity, the tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and content with its earthly lot, of whatsoever sort that is. This does not depict a peace that is strived for, on the contrary, it is a result of a realization that, as one of my friends so aptly puts it, "God's got this".

The Fruit and Your Relationships: Joy

There is something about talking to or being around someone who is positive and uplifting. Not necessarily a saccharine, sickly sweet or falsely Pollyanna wanna-be, but a genuinely joyful person who brings light into the room, conversation or situation. Nobody wants to be around a negative, grumpy person; not for very long at any rate.

It is interesting to me that joy is listed as a fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-23) Looking at the origins of the word as it is used there in that verse, it simply means gladness and calm delight. I was expecting to find something more in-depth behind the meaning there; something hidden that would knock my socks off and uncover a giant revelation. Instead what I found was straightforward joy, pure and simple. Simple joy that requires no embellishing; true joy.

True joy is not something we can fake or just put on at will. True joy supersedes the very real problems we face in our lives here on this Earth. True joy is an element that custom fits any personality and will shine through even in times of tears or sorrow.

There is a stark contrast between those who exude joy and those who don't. Take for example the lady whose memorial service we just held this weekend. I had only known her the last 7 years, but everything I heard spoken of her by those who had known her through her years lined up with what I experienced first hand; the lady had joy. Did that mean she was always bubbly, laughing and smiling? No. What it did mean was that I never saw her down and dejected. No matter what was going on in her life, she always had a kind, warm smile and an encouraging, positive word.

The Fruit and Your Relationships: Love

   
If you have been near church teaching for very much time at all you have most likely heard at least some mention of The Fruit of The Spirit.(Galatians 5:22-23 KJV) Paul was basically telling the Christians at Galatia that certain attributes would be manifest in them if they were letting the Holy Spirit lead their lives.  

As I was praying about what to write for today, the Lord brought these verses to my mind. "What does The Fruit of The Spirit have to do with relationships?", is what I thought first. "Everything!", is what I realized next.

It is fairly easy to maintain a standard of kindness and generosity, meekness, patience and even happiness and faith with people we rub shoulders with as we move through our daily activities. We can put on a smile and viola, the lady at the dry cleaners will never know how unhappy we are inside. We can let the guy with one loaf of bread in front of us in the checkout and he will only see patience and generosity exuding from us. While these acts are indeed good, and while it is indeed important to display the Spirit's work in our lives to everyone, are these encounters true evidence of the Holy Spirit at work in our lives? On the surface everything looks good, but what about those day-in and day-out relationships? What about the people we spend the most time with and are the closest too? What about the people who know us the best; who we do not have to keep up "appearances" for; those whose connection with us goes deeper than perfunctory interaction? I believe it is our actions in those relationships that are the tell-tale indicators of whether it is the Spirit or our flesh that has the upper hand.

You Only Live Once, You Might As Well Invest in Relationships

You have probably heard the phrase, "you only live once". It is interesting to me how many different instances we apply that phrase to. We use it to encourage each other to try something new or take a chance that does not have a guaranteed result at its end. I think I use it the most when I decide to "cheat" on whatever diet I'm on at the moment. You know, a lot like the philosophy that advocates eating dessert first? My favorite one though, is "You only live once, you might as well be amusing". It just makes me happy. But it has gotten me to thinking a bit about how we do only live once, and what kind of a life would it be if we got to the end and had no relationships to show for it?  

When I was little, my dad had a business partnership with an older man who had already raised his family. He told my dad that if he had it to do all over again he would not have hoarded all the money he had made, he would have spent it on his family along the way. He said that by the time he got "enough" money his kids were grown and gone and he wished he had done things differently. I'm glad my dad listened to the older, wiser man! My brother and I have many happy childhood memories because my father chose to receive that sage advice.

The concept does not only apply to money and family vacations though, we can apply it to our personal relationships whether it be our children, our spouse, our parents, or our close friends.I have missed some precious moments in the past because I was "too busy", but there have also been times when I was legitimately busy and gave up some time to spend enjoying a family moment or time with a friend and those memories have turned out to be some that I cherish the most.

You Already Mean It From Your Heart

"I mean it from my heart." It's a sweet sentiment, full of earnestness and sincerity.  A way to express that you are not just saying something lightly. But did you know that everything you say is already from your heart? That's not always a comforting thought, but it's true.

Have you ever wished you could take back what you just said? Do you sometimes wonder, "where did that come from?" before the final syllable is even out? Our words are powerful tools that can either build up or tear down, and whether we like it or not they mainline straight from our heart. Sometimes it's easy to laugh about it, but too many times the result is painful wounds from words that cannot be retracted or erased; even by apology.

Can you imagine a world where we never said the wrong thing, or ever said the right thing the wrong way? A place where every one of us showed constant courtesy and respect to each other no matter how frustrated we were? It sounds like a eutopia! There are so many times when I'm crabby or tired and I snap at my family and I wish so badly afterward that I would have remained sweet and calm and kind. When I think about it I set out to remain in that state, but when I get stressed, there's no time for thinking and whatsoever state I'm in is what comes out.

 Our pastor has been doing a series on Marriage and Family this month. Last Sunday he played a humorous video clip preceding his lesson. The video, which you can preview at www.sermonspice.com depicted a family who were all wearing what they called Virtual Family Voice Transcoders. The video touts that the latest gadget to solve your family problems is now here! Just put it on and any and all negative words are translated into phrases that edify your family.They even have a solution for negative body language! The transcoders looked similar to little painting filter masks and speaking into them allowed the family members to say whatever they wanted and it would be filtered and translated for them in a congenial way. The dad can be seen explaining to his friend, "No matter what I say, no matter how negative it is, this little gadget will  make it positive and amplify it."  When his wife is seen "reminding" him to take out the trash, his response of, "get off my back, I'll do it when I'm good and ready!" comes out of the transcoder as, "Thanks for the reminder, I neglected to do that and I will remedy the situation at my earliest possible opportunity."

Express Yourself...With Power, Effectiveness, and Wisdom

I'm getting the distinct impression that God is getting a chuckle out of me writing a column about relationships. Maybe I'm just more aware of my blunders since having started writing about it, but it sure seems at times that I am failing miserably at the very thing I'm commissioned to write about. I am learning though; and growing too, so all is not lost.

Meryl Runion of Speak Strong says, "Express yourself powerfully and effectively: say what you mean, mean what you say, without being mean when you say it." To me, that ideal seems just out of reach at times; usually it's the part about not being mean that gets lost somewhere between my brain and my mouth; at home anyway. Home is where it all comes out, uncensored and chock full of meaning. Home is where my husband points out my error and prefaces it with, "Hey, Relationship Lady".

I don't know about you, but outside of my home I generally filter what I say to people. I admire and envy the ones who can just speak their mind and everyone finds it endearing. Oh, to be able to just speak my mind! I've thought about the subject a lot, because it gets tiresome always parsing your words. I've entertained fantasies about just letting it go to the wind and completely being myself and leaving the results for everyone else to worry about. Why can't I seem to just do that? It sounds so liberating!

So far, I've come to the conclusion that filtering can be a good thing, at home and abroad; and that the benefit of being able to bluntly get my point across is overshadowed by the hurt I would inflict on the relationships that mean so much to me. As far as the relationships that don't mean so much: well, it's become a habit to bite my tongue now so those folks just get a bonus.

What perception are you getting from your perspective?

We only know as much of the world as we can see from where we're standing, until we've lived enough to broaden our perspective. Often times we perceive things to be a certain way, but how many of those times could we see things differently by the simple act of changing our perspective?

I love to hear my husbands stories and anecdotes; almost as much as he loves to tell them I think. One of my favorites is the one about the grandpa who was watching his grand kids for the day and decided to take a wee nap on the couch for a while. Well, while he was snoozing away, his lovely offspring decided they would put some Limburger cheese in his mustache. Now, I've never had the experience of smelling that delicacy; I've avoided it, in fact, but I have heard that it has a powerful and unpleasant odor. So, a bit later when grandpa woke up, he smelled something strange. He sniffed around a bit and said, "this living room stinks." So he left that room and went to another, only to find it rank as well. After meandering and sniffing through a few more rooms he declared the whole house stinky and went outside where, again, he sniffed and was met with the most unpleasant nasal sensation. With that, he threw up his hands and shouted, "this whole world stinks!" 

The moral of that story is pretty obvious; and it is not 'don't tell your kids about Limburger cheese'. We could all probably think of some times we have had moments of Limburger perspective; times when our whole world just plain stunk simply because of the way we perceived it. The concept is not limited to general life experiences, however and plays a big part in how we communicate in our relationships.

Say, Say O Playmate?

Do you ever look at some relationships and wonder why they work, or how they even exist? Did you ever notice how some of the oddest and unlikeliest friendships end up being the deepest; the ones that stand the test of time?

Lately, I've been pondering one such relationship as depicted in that old clapping rhyme we used to sing in grade school, "Say, Say O Playmate". For those of you who are not familiar with this rhythmic phenomenon, I will tell you that it is a story told, in catchy sing-song, about two friends and their attempts at planning a play date.

Friend one says: Say, say O playmate / Come out and play with me / Climb up my apple tree / and bring your dolly three / Slide down my rain barrel / into my cellar door / and we'll be jolly friends / forever more!

Friend two answers: So sorry playmate / I can't come play with you / my dolly has the flu / boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo / ain't got no rain barrel / ain't got no cellar door / but we'll be jolly friends / forever more!

We happily clap and sing about how friend one tells friend two where to go, what to bring and what they're going to do while they are together. They will be jolly friends and she has got it all planned out!

Friend two bows out of the play date with a myriad of excuses, and is it any wonder? Why would she want to go play with someone who is going to boss her around like that anyway? I'll bet she was quite relieved to get out of it and her actual answer got lost in translation. It was probably friend three who re-told the story and doctored it up to make it more palatable, because I'm sure her actual response sounded more like this: So sorry playmate / you have an attitude / and you are bossy too / so just forget you / talk to the hand / you're really quite a boor / you're off my facebook friends / forever more!

Me First

We are born with a 'me first' mentality; an instinctive nature to think of ourselves first. I know this because it is the one trait I've seen in each one of my four very different children. It is also a trait I see rise up in myself even now as an adult.

Everything in our culture tells us we have to look out for "number one", preserve our own interests, claim our rightful place in society, take what is ours; the list goes on.

There are times when it's appropriate to go first. If my darling husband and I are ever lost in a thick jungle I will not begrudge him the ability to say, "me first"!

When my six-member family returns to our one bathroom home after a long car ride, with bladders bursting, I will gladly race any one of them up the stairs calling, "me first" the whole way. I'm not sure if that's appropriate, but it seems to work. Besides, I usually let them go first anyway.

We want to be the first one in line, the first one to be promoted, the first to come up with the new idea; we want to be first in everything we do.  It's like my friend Audrey once profoundly stated, "It's every dog for himself!"

That may be a healthy sentiment in the rat race, but in relationships it is a devastating one.

I Was Gonna Say...

It is hard to tell the truth sometimes. It's not that we intend to go around lying outright; it's just that we generally don't want to come right out and say what we are thinking. Well, unless we are reacting to our husbands or our kids! I often hear people say, "Well, I was gonna say...", or "I wasn't going to say anything, but..." It never fails to make me wonder why they didn't say it in the first place? Why do we hesitate to say what we are really thinking?

In relationships we have a responsibility to be forthright and honest about things. However, with that responsibility there is also a need for discretion; wisdom comes in knowing when to "hold 'em, when to fold 'em, when to walk away, and when to run." Understanding comes when we learn when to speak and when to hold our peace. "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pitchers of silver" (Proverbs 25:11). 

We are basically wired to spill the beans. That's why we all say, "I was gonna say...", because we really were itching to say it! The need to blab is evident in the popularity of websites dedicated to people sharing their deepest secrets and thoughts while cloaked in anonymity. There is even an application on one social networking site that allows your friends to tell you what they've always wanted to say, but could not (or would not) say to your face. Now, I don't really want to know everything my friends are thinking about me at any given moment. That is precisely why, if ever given the option, I will pass on the "reading minds" superpower; I just don't want to know every thought you have about me. However, if I have spinach in my teeth or am about to turn left onto a one-way street with oncoming traffic, please, by all means, say something! That is not the time I want to hear, "I was gonna say..."!

The Clifton Factor

We have a friend who turns heads. He's one of those people who everyone knows is in the room. People know Clifton. Now don't get me wrong, he's not a model or a celebrity; people know Clifton because he doesn't give them a choice not to. I call it the Clifton Factor. 

I'm not sure if he knows it, but recently he gave away the secret of his magnetism. It is not his quirky sense of humor or his endearing forthrightness; it isn't because he is an outrageous wild man or has the best new toys. It's not because he dresses well or because of the genuine, beautiful woman on his arm. Nope. It is simply this: his acknowledgment of others. As he spoke to our church leaders one evening he mentioned, as an aside, that when he walks into a room he looks people in the eye and says hello. I think I might have missed part of the actual point he was making then, because I didn't quite hear what he said right after that; too many light bulbs and fireworks were going off in my brain at that point.

There is something about getting outside ourselves and really seeing other people; when we do that we set ourselves apart from the crowd. It takes confidence to look total strangers in the eye and nod hello or greet them; especially when the responses stray away from the friendly return nod. The one where they grab their young and whisk them to safety isn't very reassuring, but thankfully it's not the norm. Most of the time, it just makes people smile and brightens their day. It brightens mine too and I start to stand a little straighter and remember who I am and why I'm here. It opens my eyes to actually see people and I am reminded that I am supposed to be one of Christ's ambassadors while here on earth.

Integrity of Character

We hear a lot about character and there are variations of quotes that abound. Primarily, quotes about character involve being who we are when no one is looking.  It also seems like there are twice as many authors as there are quotes. Now, I'm going to add my two cent worth and take it a step further by expanding the quote to say that integrity of character is who we are when no one we know is watching. It is easy to let this aspect of upright living slide in our surface relationships. We tend to focus on appearances, often overlooking the importance of the unseen and the perceived unseen.

I cannot think of any humorous stories to accompany my thoughts for this column.

Well, I can think of some, but they all would involve too much transparency on my part and I would like to have some modicum of respect from my readers. For example, there is the time I rode my friend's bumper all the way to church because I was running late. Or the time I sat in the drive-thru growing increasingly impatient with the unmotivated youngster on the intercom only to discover that she was my daughter's friend. I suddenly found some patience and she suddenly found some incentive. Those could be examples, but they are relatively mild; I have blocked all the really bad stuff out of my memory.

I could talk about things I have seen other people do, but that might sound condescending and possibly lack authenticity. I could make something up, yeah? No. I guess my own personal examples will have to suffice.  

So back to my "tail-gating" incident: when I got to the church and realized that the snail I was trying to run over was my friend's husband on his über-leisurely way to the same service in which I was going to help lead worship, I was chagrined. Likewise, when I got to the drive-thru window and found an acquaintance there, I changed my mind about the riot act I'd drawn up for her. (Note: it didn't necessarily change what I thought of her attitude, just how I acted about it.)

How I reacted in those fleeting relationships reflected who I really was inside. I glimpsed the raging beast. The beast that is locked away in its cage of propriety, yet still manages to cast a shadow over my carefully managed character.

The Trust Fall Pitfall

Is it strange that one of my most vivid memories from summer church camp involves me chickening out of a trust exercise called the Trust Fall? I'm not kidding. They wanted me to free-fall backward off of a stone pit that I couldn't even climb onto without help, into the arms of my 8, 9 and 10 year old peers. Danny? Jay? Bobby? Larry? They were gonna catch me? Look me in the eye. I may not know a lot, but I happen to know that those boys would have much more fun dropping me than they would catching me. I'm all about the adrenaline rush, but trusting those boys was another thing altogether.   

Now I'm wondering how asking a kid, even a short kid, to fall backward into the arms of her peers has anything to do with trusting God. Anything. If they were trying to use that exercise to demonstrate to me how I should trust God, it backfired. As an example of how I should trust people though? Now that I get.

People will absolutely without fail, fail you. It's proven. The question is not whether you can trust them, the question is how to even have a relationship with them when you patently cannot trust them. Jesus sure didn't trust them. John 2 says that even though they started to trust in Him, he didn't trust them because He knew what human nature was like; No one had to tell Him! (John 2:23-25 NLT)

This is not a cynical or jaded viewpoint. I'm not a bitter person. I do, however, have a few trust issues. Namely how to reconcile the act of trusting God with the act of trusting each other. We're supposed to trust God ultimately, yes? But where does that leave the issue of trust in our human relationships? Does putting our trust in God relieve us from the responsibility of being discriminate or using wisdom otherwise?  

I Don't Want Sorry!

What could be harder than saying "I'm sorry"? 

Out loud.

Allowing admittance of our imperfection to hang in the atmosphere for eternity.

How about being on the receiving end of that line. Yeah, we say 'all I want is an apology', but when we get one it doesn't always quite bring enough satisfaction does it?

Max is the baby of our family. He came along about thirteen months after Grant, who likes to assert his marginal authority status by committing random acts of wildness; occasions that generally leave Max in some type of victim status. The scenario, from early on, would go something like this: Grant would affront Max, Max would cry and be offended, parental intervention would ensue, Grant would offer his begrudging apology, "Sorry Max", and all would be well again.  I'm not sure how old they were when that changed, but they were still wee toddlers the day Max turned his defiant shoulder to his brother and declared through gritted teeth, "I. don't. WANT. sorry!"

For the record, we're glad Max has chosen to be a fighter in life rather than a doormat, but his sentiment in this story is classic and I can relate to it.  If somebody is bullying me around on a routine basis I'm sure as heck gonna have a hard time just letting it go with a 'sorry'.  I want that bully to pay for what he's done to me; and then some.  You did the crime, you pay the time pal!  

Plus, it's kind of nice having the upper hand. 

Misunderstandings Are Wellsprings Of Good Relationships - And Other Strange Tales

I have a little challenge for you.  Picture a few relationships.  It doesn't matter whose relationships or what kind of relationships they are, just think about a few.  Now, as diverse as those relationships may be, there is one thing that applies to them all.  Not only the ones you thought of, but the ones I'm thinking of, and the ones anyone reading this have thought of.  In fact, I'll go as far as to say that there is no relationship anyone could conjure up that would escape at least this one basic element.

Because in every and any relationship there is one thing that remains an inescapable, fundamental denominator: communication.

Think about it.  It is virtually impossible to establish, build, maintain, heal and definitely to survive any relationship without communication.  From the basic task of calling the telephone company to set up service, to the intimate carnival of running a household, we are surrounded by various levels of relationships; the success of which are directly affected by our ability to communicate.

What we often fail to realize, however, is that communication goes beyond just speaking and hearing.  That simple oversight is often the cause of our misunderstandings, but even misunderstandings can be a source of life in our relationships.  Strange tales, I know.   

Misunderstandings are right up there along-side failed expectations when it comes to reasons why  relationships fail, but it doesn't have to be that way. If we can use our misunderstandings to gain  understanding, our relationships will flourish. Proverbs 16:22 says understanding is a wellspring of life! 

If we take the time and put forth the effort we can grow and learn from these unpleasant encounters; we can gain understanding. So, why don't we do it?

Relationships Are A Two Way Road? Really?

Yeah, I know, we've all heard it before.  Relationships are a two-way street.  Obvious! What's new? 
Well, while it is true that it takes two to have a relationship, I'm thinking that maybe relationships in themselves are more like a divided highway; it does go both ways, but ultimately we have to own the responsibility for our side of it.

One of the biggest personal challenges we face as Christians is the balancing of our rights and responsibilities. On a divided highway we have two lanes to drive on.  It's our right to drive on either lane, but we also have a responsibility to be aware of where the other drivers are and what they're doing. Traffic on the other side of the divide may not be in our control, but it's in our best interest to keep our senses tuned in to what's going on over there as well.  We're constantly balancing our right to drive that road with the responsibilities of paying attention to the other vehicles that we are essentially in a relationship with while we're there on that road. Sometimes we may have to change lanes or slow down in order to be responsible drivers.  We have a right to keep going or not allow someone access, but we yield that right in order to make the traffic relationship work. Our personal relationships are no exception.  In fact, in order for a relationship to even survive, it's vital that we be willing to yield our rights.

The subject of yielding rights has a large circumference, but let's pigeon-hole it for this column and look at it through the filter of making relationships work.

Intro: Exploring Relationships

Our relationships matter to God. How we relate to each other reflects our love for Him and His love through us. Think about it, having a relationship meant so much to our Creator that He made man to fill that need. Not only a man, but a man in His own image; man that needs relationships.
His Word gives us His heart and therein we will find the key to His plan for our relationships.  With Him and with each other. As we grow in relationship with Christ, we will grow in relationship with one another. Let's honor God in our relationships!

By, Jenn Harpole

Column Posted Every 1st and 3rd Monday of the month.