Take Root and Write

Shine Your Light

This is a bitter sweet post. Bitter because this will be my last "Marriage from a Distance" column. Sweet because God is leading me on new adventures! I want to focus on the sweetness of this parting.

As I sat in church Saturday night we began singing a Micheal W. Smith praise song, Mighty to Save, and God touched my heart and told me this was the farewell message I was to share with you moms. The words that grabbed me this night were these:

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We’re singing for the glory of the risen King…Jesus
Shine your light and let the whole world see
We’re singing for the glory of the risen King…Jesus

Although living in a marriage from a distance is hard, tough, and sometimes lonely, we are still called to bring glory to our Father. Rather than sitting back and thinking "poor me", we need to be brave because we were made for this! We still need to shine our light to our family, neighbors, friends, community, and the world. We need to let everyone know that rather than choosing to focus on the hardships of life that we are going to lean fully on God and GO!

I know marriages are suffering, relationships are injured, job security is weakening, and financial troubles are staring us in the face and we do need to give attention to these as needed. But do not allow Satan to rob you of your joy nor dampen out your light for God! Don't' forget to be brave...you were made for this!

The Enforcer

 

Do you ever feel like The Enforcer? Do you ever tire of repeating house rules, reminding children of appropriate behavior, and replacing springing bottoms in timeout spots? If you are a living, breathing human being then I'm pretty sure you answered yes to all of the above...it seems to come with the parenting territory. As Marriage From a Distance (MFAD) moms we can feel the overwhelming and exhausting reality of this "enforcer" position for extended periods of time. Especially before any help (aka our husbands) comes to assist us.

I want to encourage you not to forget to use natural consequences when ever possible. Many times natural consequences scream louder than us and leave a longer lasting impression on those little minds. Let the natural consequence be the bad guy and do the teaching rather than us over-loaded mamas. I'd like to share a real example of a natural consequence and how it did the teaching rather than me.

A couple of weeks ago I needed to run a quick errand. My six year old son chose to play around while my three daughters were ready to go when I was. My son had no shoes on, was wearing a pair of shorts, and no jacket. Did I mention there was an inch of snow on the ground? I had a choice to make: nag the boy, again, causing increased stress and frustration or let the consequences do the teaching. I chose to go natural. This "mean mama" made her darling little boy walk to the van barefooted, in shorts, and without a jacket. 

Now, as Paul Harvey would say, "Here's the rest of the story". Several days later we had another errand to run in the cold weather. We went through the same scenario of informing the kids while they had plenty of time to prepare to leave. As I was getting myself ready I heard my son telling his little sister, who was trying to get him to play, "We need to get ready to go. You know what will happen if we don't have our shoes on." Needless to say, that day everyone was completely ready to go when I was. Learning occurred naturally!

I challenge you to give natural consequences a try. It will help take some of the stress off of the extra responsibilities you have as a MFAD mom. If you would like a little more information on letting consequences do the teaching on all of your children (take note that I did say all of your children from the little ones to teens...and even your husband!) then check out the Love and Logic website.

I invite you to drop by the MFAD discussion and share any natural learning comments, experiences, or questions. Let's encourage each other!

And now a word to (enforcer) parents: don't keep on scolding and nagging your children, making them angry and resentful. Rather, bring them up with the loving discipline the Lord himself approves, with suggestions and godly advice. (Ephesians 6:4 TLB) Parentheses and bold mine.

Romancing Despite the Distance

Before I even begin this month's column I am going to put out a disclaimer. Here it is:

 

I am not, nor will I pretend to be, competent in this area of romance.

 

Now that I've gotten that out of the way and have informed you that I am in the boat with you, let's learn together how we can tackle this thing called romance when there is distance between our husbands and ourselves.

To begin, I'd like to share with you a very simple little visual that I discovered last year. This visual is something I come back to time and time again. It helps me to keep my priorities in check. Let me show it to you and then I'll explain.

 

Obviously, this is an inverted triangle divided into three sections: God, husband, and children. God is at the top; the largest area is dedicated to him. Husband is just below and given a slightly smaller section of the triangle, but not the least. The bottom of the triangle is the smallest area and set aside for our children. Our lives should reflect this triangle. We all know that God should be #1 in our lives, but did you know that our husbands should come next, not our children? This is an especially easy habit for us as Marriage from a Distance moms to fall into...putting the children before our husbands.

 

This month's challenge is to draw the above inverted triangle and label it accordingly. Stick it on your refrigerator or somewhere that you are guaranteed to see it daily if not hourly. Take note of where God, your husband, and your children fall on the triangle in your life. Are they in their correct places or are they a bit out of place? This month focus on getting your triangle in order. This will definitely help in getting the stage set for romancing your husband.

Focusing Forward

I have a simple question to start off this month's column. Can you walk a straight line forward if you turn your head to look behind you? Of course not; you'll end up veering toward the right if you're looking over your right shoulder and veering toward your left if you're looking over your left shoulder. However, if you look forward and focus on a point directly in front of you then you'll be able to walk a straight line forward.

This is exactly what we are going to do with this column this year, focus forward.Let's spend this new year searching for ways that we can focus forward on a closer relationship with our Heavenly Father, husband, and children. Let's dig for ways that we can focus forward on what God has planned for our marriages, families, and ourselves rather than looking back at our past year(s) and the doom and gloom that can so easily attach itself to a Marriage from a Distance (MFAD). Let's focus forward on hope, joy, love, and plain ol' fun!

As we spend this next year focusing forward in our marriages and lives, we must also be cautious as the tiger is on the prowl waiting to tear us apart. I have three cautionary areas that I suggest we protect. I've learned about each of these through my own personal experience.

An Early Christmas Treat

I have such a treat for you this month that God blessed me with and I just had to share it...er, her with you! Her name is Carla Anne Coroy. She is living marriage from a distance and has a great ministry and blog dedicated to reaching out to "married single moms".  

I asked Carla Anne if she would mind answering the questions that my girlfriends and I answered last month in our Girlfriend Gab article. She accepted and I couldn't be more thrilled to feature her this month. I hope you will take the time to visit her blog after you get to know her here. I think you will be encouraged just as I was! Carla Anne's blog site can be found at www.carlaannecoroy.blogspot.com 

Just as we did last month, go grab your hot foo-foo coffee, something chocolate, and get comfy at your computer as you meet a jewel of a lady.

Girlfriend Gab

Living a marriage from a distance is tough. I feel like I start so many of these posts restating that fact. Why do I do this? Because it is so true and a constant battle we fight. A big part of this battle is unseen and happening in our heads and hearts. Although we may seem to be handling our marriage from a distance incredibly well to others...oh, if they could only see on the inside. We can be a mess!

Outsiders don't see our numerous tears of frustration and loneliness. They don't hear our short tempers with our family because we are exhausted and overwhelmed. They don't hear the arguing inside our heads over a need to ask for help but not wanting to burden others. Outsiders are usually unaware of these battles within us.

However, God isn't clueless to what is going on in us. He holds every tear we've cried and offers us His shoulder. He knows our plates are overloaded and offers us rest and refreshment in Him. He knows we need help and has sent His son Jesus and the Holy Spirit to help us.

Something else God has sent to help us as we strive to be brave in our marriage from a distance...marriage from a distance girlfriends! There is such strength and power in talking with someone else who is walking the same path we are on. Having a safe place to vent our frustrations, worries, and stresses is invaluable when the hearing end is someone who gets you, they are living marriage from a distance as well!

Tackling Town

We all have to face it as moms. Some moms have to face it more than others. I have a feeling "Marriage from a Distance" moms and single moms face it a bit more than others. One way or the other, there is no escaping it. What is it? It is tackling town, errands, doctor appointments, outings, etc with kids...alone.

Granted, like I said, all moms get to experience the tough challenge of tackling town out numbered by little people. Trust me, whether you have one or ten kids, you're out numbered. So, yes, in this aspect all moms are grouped together. Zoom into this massive group of "all moms" and you'll find a subgroup of marriage from a distance moms and single moms. These moms do face tackling town out numbered more often than they'd care to. They do become accustomed to the single tackle and learn to accept their circumstances...but it doesn't mean they like it. (I am grouping these two groups of moms together in this article because I do have some single moms who read my column. My heart goes out to you wonderful women. Don't stop being brave!)

These moms become tired of always having to be the one who runs all the errands with kids almost always in tow...especially when they themselves are already spent. Cheer up my dear girlfriends! I have words of hope, fun, and survival for those outings that you're sure are going to be the end of you and /or your kids...or whoever gets in your way giving you that "crazy woman" look. Giggle with me here, girls. We are about to have fun!

Running Wisdom

On the couple of days each week that my husband is home I try to get out for a walk/run in our neighborhood. Typically one or two of my older daughters will join me, and if she's lucky we bring our big ol' dog, Maggie, as well. However, my two older girls are visiting their grandparents out of state for three weeks! So currently walk/runs are a time for me to do all the more reflection and talking with God which I am enjoying in a huge way. However, I am also finding that I have a harder time running by myself, there's no one to motivate or challenge me, or for me to motivate or challenge. It's just me, the sidewalk, and God. During these recent walk/runs God has shared some more truths with me.

Running right now feels more like work than a release of energy, a "have to" rather than a "want to", a dread rather than a joy. I found myself at one point feeling like I couldn't go on, although I knew I could. I let God know that I just wasn't sure if I could get to the stop sign just ahead, my usual goal. God replied, "No you can't on your own, but with Me you can." That was all the encouragement I needed at that minute to reach the stop sign. It wasn't easy nor fun, but I knew God would see that my legs held out.

Make Him Shine!

I've gotta know, what is your response to the title of this month's post, "Make Him Shine!"? By the way, the "him" we are talking about is your husband, not God.

• Are you sitting on the edge of your seat anxious to read of the ways to encourage your husband? (Boy, do you love your man!)
• Are you thinking you'll read this article later when you have time, if you ever have time? (You love your man and are looking for ways to show him...if you can just find the time and energy.)
• Are you wondering why you should make him shine when you are tarnished and need some shining of your own? (You love your man, but honestly there has been so much distance in your marriage that you've drifted away from each other.)

Over the past sixteen years of my marriage I've been on different parts of the mountain and would be able to answer the initial question in all three ways. I've been on top of the mountain shouting to the world how much I love my husband and that he's my knight in shining armor. I've been in the dark and lonely valley feeling alone in a marriage from a distance that appeared okay, but was struggling to see the light of day. Recently God has been teaching and showing me how to get out of this valley and work my way  back up to the majestic mountain top again. I want to share with you some things God has been teaching me in this journey: Pray, Turn your back, Communicate.

Be Brave!

“Be brave…you were made for this.” What a strong statement. If you didn’t find the boldness and encouragement in that quote then please reread it until you do before you go any further. If you need to, read it out loud with pure determination in your voice.

Before reading this statement several months ago I was a scared wife and mom. I found myself struggling to hold myself together each day, much less keep a household of four kids in some resemblance of order. I was unsure of what tomorrow held. I was unsure of my abilities as a wife and homeschooling mom. I was unsure of my marriage. I was unsure of me, who I was. I was unsure of everything. Can you relate with any of this? Being unsure will do to a person what salt will do to metal…weaken.

Then steps in this incredible statement that is packed with such POWER! “Be brave…you were made for this.” Marriage can be tough enough by itself. Then throw a few kids in the mix and your typical daily responsibilities to add to the challenges. Now, add to that the extra responsibilities moms must take on when their husbands are away for extended periods of time. Poof! You’ve got one overwhelmed, tired, exhausted, and sometimes hopeless feeling mama. I want to encourage you to be brave during this time. Be a warrior!

You’re thinking, “Nice thought, but warriors are in movies and tv shows wearing armor while swinging a heavy bladed sword. Oh, and they are full of energy, are in excellent shape physically, have no children under their feet, aren’t trying to keep the house clean while changing a diaper, switching laundry, and cooking dinner…and they never have to go to the bathroom!” Hold that thought as I give you a new vision of what a warrior looks like.

Intro: Marriage From a Distance

... Preparing moms to handle the ups and downs of the overwhelming responsibilities of managing the homefront while their husbands are away for extended periods of time. Bringing the hope, encouragement, and strength of Jesus Christ to these women equipping them to be brave in their faith and daily lives.

By, Jennifer Miller
Column Posted Monthly on Second Monday/ Also Group in CWTR Here.