Take Root and Write

Christmas Card Manners

The Etiquette of Sending Christmas Cards
What are the pros and cons of sending printed cards versus e-mail cards?

If your only relationship with someone is a digital one, then an e-mail card is fine. If the recipient is family or a flesh-and-blood friend, then a standard card is going to be the best choice.

More than 80% of all correspondence is now electronic, so it makes sense that we should want to express our Christmas wishes by the same means we express ourselves year 'round. That's why e-mail cards are so popular.

The drawback of an e-mail card is its brief lifespan. It has just about as much impact on the recipient as the countless jokes, political musings, and urban legends he or she has received.The recipient is likely to give it less than ten seconds of his or her time before hitting the delete button. It's unlikely that anyone else in the family will ever know about the card, let alone see or read it.
 
However, for social networking friends and others, an e-mail card makes sense. They also make sense for those serving in the military or living overseas when standard cards might be delayed in the mail.
 
Money is tight for businesses and families alike. If you want to send Christmas wishes but can't due to budget constraints, don't hesitate to send electronic cards. Just be understanding if it ends up unread in your friend's "Junk Mail" folder.    
 
The benefits of a card sent through standard mail are its longevity and its personal impact. In a sense that card contains your DNA. You addressed and hand-signed it. It might be just a little bit of you, but it's still more personable than an electronic greeting.
 
Mailed cards usually cause a little excitement or at least curiosity when they arrive. In my house, and yours too, I bet, cards are opened before any other mail. Once opened, cards are left on the kitchen counter or placed in a special spot in the house for all to read and enjoy, prolonging their life, and the good wishes you sent them with.

When is it OK to remove someone from your card list?

Savvy Manners for Your Best Thanksgiving

I asked for your Thanksgiving questions and you provided!
For that I'm very grateful.
Here's are four of them that we can all relate with!

This year we're having a crowd at our house.
I think about 16 people are coming and I don't have enough china. I'm kind-of embarrassed to ask, but is it OK to use paper plates, or should I try to borrow some plates and things from friends?

It would be nice if we had matching china for twenty, but in reality, whose family, except maybe Brad and Angelina's, has money to buy or room to store all of it?

So, relax, paper plates are fine, and you don't need to feel awkward or apologize to your guests. There are beautiful, coordinated paper goods available, and your table will be lovely.
 
Just make sure to use all paper if you're going to use any. If you use eight china plates, and eight paper plates, the paper group might feel a little like second class guests.
 
However, it's fine if you want to use china for the adults and paper for the children if the children are sitting at a separate table.

When extended family is gathered, is there a good way to decide who should say the blessing?

Traditionally, the host of the home where the meal is taking place offers the blessing. However, there are other options if he's not comfortable praying out loud. His wife can bless the food, or the honor can be passed to the most senior member of the family. Members of the clergy, if present, are usually given the honor of leading the prayer. 

Manners for Your Holiday Happenings

Column suggestions flooded my in-box this week. All of them are fantastic questions!
Thank you to each and everyone who wrote!


Here are some questions perfect for this week as we all begin to plan our holiday happenings. The first five have to do with attire, the last one is about how to respond if a host wants to know why you're not coming to his or her party.   
 
Is it nicer to put suggested attire on an invitation or to let people come as they wish?
 

This is an easy one! Always put what you'd like people to wear. You might think you're being accommodating by not mentioning suggested attire. What it really does is make guests have to think twice as hard to guess what everyone will be wearing.
 
Then at the party, half the guests will be dressed up and looking at the other half of the crowd thinking, "Why did I get all dressed up? I could have worn my comfy clothes." Meanwhile the casual crowd is thinking, "Boy, I look frumpy. If I had guessed people were going to dress up, I would have too!"

 
Can ladies wear pants to a semi-formal or formal event?
 

For semi-formal events, they're fine, as long as they're dressier than usual. Look for pants that are made of light, flowing fabric with wider legs than for everyday wear. For "Formal" events, long dresses are the standard choice.
 
What would be the best way to describe something for a dinner party for career adults that is better than standard office wear but not dressy?
 
I would choose, "Business Attire," hoping my guests understood that means to dress like an executive in a traditional firm. If they tend to dress a little more causally, I might choose "Semi-formal." 

 
Can I ask my host what to wear if nothing's mentioned on the invitation? I don't want to seem like I don't know the right way to dress.
 

Simple Guide for Knowing What to Wear

Eek! What Am I Going to Wear?
The holidays are starting without me! 
I got out my calendar yesterday and was surprised that Thanksgiving is just two-and-a-half weeks from today! I've already started thinking about what outfit I'll wear to this-or-that function. Sadly, I'm not the same size I was last year. So, unless I can loose six pounds in the next six weeks, I'll have to add, "Search for a new party outfit" to my To-Do list.
Many of you, like me, are thinking, "What am I going to wear?" Questions poured in about the etiquette of choosing the right clothes for various events. 

Should you put suggested attire on an invitation?
 
How do you translate an invitation's dress code to know that you're in tune with the host's expectations?
 
What's the difference between "Business" and "Semi-formal" attire at an evening function?   

Just in case they still fit, I'm going to try on my black satin skirt and deep pink blouse I bought last Christmas. What's that saying, "All is not lost until hope is lost!"
 
Dang that value-size bag of Halloween Kit Kat (R)bars!

Knowing What to Wear Made Simple
There are lots of labels hosts put on invitations to try and explain their preferences for what to wear: Casual, Sharp Casual, Holiday Casual, Business Casual, Business Formal, Holiday Formal, Dressy, Cocktail Attire, Semi-Formal, and Black Tie, to name the most popular.
 
Hold on because it doesn't stop there! New labels are constantly being invented. I've even heard of invitations suggesting "Urban Chic," whatever that is.

It's all too much, and since there's no public agreement on what the various labels mean, most of them are useless for helping you and me decide what to wear.
 
So, here's a simple, savvy, keep-forever list for translating dress codes and knowing what to wear to look your best!
 
When different labels mean the same thing, I've listed them on the same line. They cover 99% of events, and if we all make a promise to use just these six labels, we'd all have a much easier time deciding what to wear!
 
Six Labels Defined From Casual to Dressy

How,When and When Not to Interrupt

This week it's the etiquette of interrupting.
I received several column suggestions from people who wanted to know:
 

How do you politely interrupt a person?
Do you need to make introductions for someone who stops to say, "Hi!"?
Should you stand close by and wait for others to finish talking before you interrupt? 

 
For these answers and more, read below!
Remember to send your suggestion for columns to me here at Maralee@EtiquetteAnswer.com.
Each time you do, you're entered to win a $50.00 American Express Gift Check. The winner will be announced the first Monday in December, just in time for your Christmas shopping!

Pardon Me! May I Interrupt You?
 
We've all done it. In fact, in the urgency of the moment, sometimes there's just no other way. We've  interrupted someone deep in concentration or conversation; and of course, we've been interrupted ourselves countless times.
 
 Is there a way to graciously interrupt someone? What are some of the guidelines for knowing when to interrupt and when to walk on by? 
  
Should you interrupt your friend's conversation or walk on by:

This is tricky. You sort of have to use your sixth sense. In general, if you haven't seen your friend in more than a week, and you're certain he or she has noticed you, it's gracious (if the conversation doesn't seem to be intense or romantic) to interrupt briefly to acknowledge your friend. This is especially appropriate if you know both the people. 

How do you graciously do it?

Candy, Costumes, and Camaraderie

Trick-or-Treat Manners for Kids and Grownups!

The last few days have been full of pleading in the McKee home, all in anticipation of 90 minutes of candy gathering later this week.  The event, of course, is Trick-or-Treat.

My six-year-old is pleading to have a "real" astronaut suit, not a costume. The eBay bid price on what my little guy considers a real suit was $52.99 and rising as quickly as a Delta Rocket.

My twelve-year-old is flustered trying to decide if he's too old to dress in costume, but just in case he decides to, he doesn't understand why I won't pay $68.99 for the latest Star Wars costume, which, by the way, looks to me, exactly like the one we bought him last year that still fits.

While we're careful in our family to steer clear of celebrating Halloween as a holiday, we do let our boys dress up and have their moment in the spotlight in front of their friends and neighbors, parading around in their costumes just like we did years ago.

This year, we'll follow the same plan as always. We'll host an early dinner at our house with the boys' friends from the street, followed by an hour or so at a church Fall Festival, and back home by 7:15 PM for an hour of trick-or-treating in our neighborhood.

With input from my children, and my own mom observations, here's the Etiquette Answer that will make sure trick-or-treating is a treat for children, parents, and neighbors alike!

Part One-

Trick-or-Treat Manners to Share with Your Children:
(Written in child-friendly language!)

How to Graciously Say No to Gift Giving When Money is Tight

Can you believe that Christmas is just 66 days from today? (Eek!) Today's column is about saying no to giving without sounding like the county grinch.

 How do you get others to agree to not exchanging gifts this year?

 What do you say if someone gives you a gift after promising not to?
 
You know store-bought items count as gifts, but is it OK to give something you've made?

Watching CNBC last week, I learned something that A Wall Street guru pointed out that one in every six jobs in the United States is dependent in some way on the housing market. That's a scary statistic; no wonder the economy is in turmoil.

We all know that home values are falling while the price of everything else is rising. To top it off, unemployment numbers are predicted to spike for at least the next two years.

The economy isn't just tight right now-it's scary. If you feel it's wise to hold on to a little more of your money than usual this season in case that proverbial rainy day is right around the corner, you're not alone.

Column suggestions continue to pour in, and almost 25% of your letters ask the same question in one way or another:

"How do I graciously let others know I don't have money to buy Christmas gifts like I've done in the past?"

Manners for Great Greetings

A Hug, a Kiss, or a Handshake? Manners for Greetings!

This is the first column written from your recommendations! You've sent me dozens. Thank you!

Please keep them coming, and remember each person who e-mails one is registered to win a $50 American Express (R) gift certificate to be awarded December 1.

You can e-mail your column recommendation here: Maralee@EtiquetteAnswer.com.

This suggestion is from Jennine Harvey who's studying for her doctorate degree in Tennessee and wants to know the etiquette of various greetings (hug, cheek kiss, handshake, etc.) and which one is the best to use in various situations. Great questions, Jennine! Or should I say, "Dr. Harvey!"

How do you know if you're correct to offer your hand?
 
How can you preempt a known "hugger?"
 
Do you have to join in on the social cheek kissing?

The answers are here!

Shaking Hands

We probably don't shake hands as often as we should. That's unfortunate, because as the socially chosen form of personal contact between persons who aren't intimate with one another, every missed handshake is a missed opportunity to connect with that person.
Consider your handshake your personal olive branch. Be eager to extend your hand to welcome strangers, friends, acquaintances, and business associates.

When to shake hands:

• When meeting someone for the first time
• When greeting a friend or acquaintance you haven't seen in a week or so
• When saying, "Goodbye" to someone that you shook hands with when you said, "Hello!"
• If you're called on to introduce someone prior to them speaking, always shake the person's hand as they step to the microphone
• At a banquet, prior to sitting, introduce yourself and shake hands with everyone who is at your table
• If someone at your table is honored with an award or recognition, make sure to shake his or her hand as soon as you can politely do so after they return to the table

Manners for Knowing When to Stand

*Don't miss the end of this article, where you have the opportunity to send me your own etiquette questions!

Manners for When to Stand.  This is a good one-Practical and Savvy!

• What are best practices for when a man should stand?
• Should a woman stand to greet a man?
• Do you need to stand each time someone at your table gets up, or just the first time?
• Should you stand up if it's going to make those near you who've remained seated look bad?

It seems like it should be simple enough to know when politeness dictates you should stand and when you should remain seated. Not so. It was fairly straightforward fifty years ago, but etiquette evolves to meet the sensibilities and situations of the current generation.

With the changing roles of women in society and in the workplace, this area of etiquette has really been impacted. I've listed here guidelines that will let you know what's considered polite in various situations.

With these skills at hand you'll be able to rise to the occasion and interact with ease and graciousness as you greet colleagues, family members, and both new friends and old!

Why does it matter? What does it show?

Standing up sends a signal, from across the room, that you're willing and eager to greet and welcome the other person into your current situation.

Whether it's a social conversation, a business meeting, or a meal, without you having to say a word, it sends the message that you've noticed the person, and that he or she is worth you rising from your comfy sitting spot to spend time with. 

What are the current best practices for when a man should stand?

·        The first time a man or woman joins your group at business or social events. This could be at a dining table, at a boardroom table, near you at a reception or party, or even when someone joins your conversation in a private home or public area, perhaps the lobby of a hotel or convention hall.

·        In a social setting, each time a woman joins or leaves your group. Yes, this does mean that if she goes to the bathroom four times, you have to stand eight times! (Note: This doesn't apply in workplace situations where you would stand just twice, first to initially greet her, and once when she departs.)

 

Graciously Handling Constant Complainers

Should you offer advice to the complainer when you're certain you have the answer he or she needs? What's the difference between offering information and offering advice? How can you empathize with the complainer without it adding fuel to his or her fire? Our Quick Tip is about how to make sure you're never seen as the conversational complainer or bore.

Steps for Graciously Handling Constant Complainers

We all know a few constant complainers! Years ago I worked with a co-manager who I'm almost certain will find fault with the weather in Heaven when she arrives.

There's another lady, an acquaintance, whom I had not seen in years. She is the most consistently negative person I've ever known. I had been caught dozens of times in conversations with her in which she simply wouldn't stop her litany of complaints.

To my surprise a few weeks ago, I looked up at a party and saw her waving to me from across the room. I had been spotted. There was nothing to do but walk towards her and say, "Hello!"

I was optimistically hoping that the last five years had made her less pessimistic! No such luck. Thirty seconds into our conversation and she was filling me in on all the health problems, adult daughter troubles, and ex-husband woes I had yet to hear.

So how do we interact graciously with negative Neil or Nellie without rudely ignoring them and their real or perceived problems? To begin, you'll want to use all the tips I shared last week and the week before about ending conversations.

In addition to those tips, I've written special ones here just for the next time you find yourself looking straight into the eyes of the constant and consummate complainer.

1. Express a few words of sympathy, but not too many.

You want to acknowledge the person's feelings or situation without adding fuel to his or her complaining.
"I'm sorry to hear that your daughter isn't visiting you as much as you'd like." Or, "It's awful that you're still not feeling well."

Four Steps for Graciously Saying, "Goodbye" to Boring Conversations

We're all guilty of this at one time or another. Our excitement for a particular topic causes us to share for 20 minutes (even though it seemed like only three minutes to us) our in-depth knowledge of Pre-Columbian coin collecting, mid-17th century Dutch poetry, or fly fishing with someone who really couldn't care less.

When you're on the receiving end of this situation, should you stop the bore outright? Not usually. Most people would be mortified to know they're boring you at the moment. If the person is a good friend, and they don't usually drone on like this, sit there and take it with a smile! Your time and attention are gifts of your friendship. In fact, ask him or her questions and keep the conversation going.

Now, if it's an acquaintance or someone you're meeting in passing who's held you captive for the last 15 minutes sharing the joys of taxidermy, or some other subject you find equally banal, here's how you can kindly exit.

1. Wait for the person to take a breath and then restate or comment on something he has shared.

"I didn't realize taxidermy was a one-hundred-and-fifty-million-dollar business annually. You're right; you'll probably make a great second income from your hobby when you open your own studio."

Your restatement makes a good ending to the conversation before the person has a chance to go down another avenue in the same subject.

2. Admit that you're going to change the subject.

"I know this is changing the subject, but."

Stating your intentions signals the other person that you're taking the conversation in a different direction. They're now less likely to turn it back to the former subject.

Good Manners for Goodbyes

The Four Steps for Ending Your Conversations On a High Note

A few lulls in conversation are natural and shouldn't make you feel you're uninteresting or not keeping up your end of the banter. However, when the lulls begin to seep into every few paragraphs,  it's time for you to be proactive and end the dialogue in a way that leaves the other person still finding you as interesting as when the conversation began!

In the example here, I've used a first meeting. However, the four steps I've composed for you can be used in any conversation.

1. Restate something the other person said, or summarize the conversation. When possible, thank him or her for sharing some bit of information or news with you.

Why it's gracious: It lets the other person know you've been actively listening and interested in what has been said. It also reveals any possible miscommunication so that anything needing to be restated can be clarified.

As for thanking the other person, everyone appreciates knowing their words, information, or advice has been of benefit. Taking a moment to verbally express your thanks shows them they've been able to impact you (even if just in a little matter) in a positive way.   

What you could say: Let's envision you just met a new parent at your child's school. The conversation begins by talking about the books your sixth-graders will be reading in literature class this year. Then the other parent tells about a book she just finished. Here's how you might begin to end the conversation.

"Rebecca, Thanks for your recommendation. You made the book sound so suspenseful. Chicago is one of my favorite cities, so it will be interesting to learn the history behind the building of the World Fair and the capture of the most cunning murderer of the 19th Century. I look forward to buying a copy this weekend."

Your Top Seven Tips for Traveling With Style at 30,000 Feet!

Odd thing, when people are polled about their top air travel complaints, it's not delayed flights, lost luggage, or long security lines. Stories about the rudeness of fellow travelers top the list. It wasn't always this way.

At the dawn of commercial aviation, people were mindful that they were embarking on a shared journey. In preparation, they put on their best manners for the benefit of their fellow travelers.

Fast forward to today. Now we're experiencing what happens when society abandons the commonality that civility holds together in favor of the belief that we can each do as we like without it, or despite it, negatively affecting society as a whole. So, what's the solution to making our hectic flights more tolerable? Understanding, and then acting upon the fact that courtesy diffuses stress- even at 30,000 feet!

Here's Your Top Seven Tips for Traveling with Style at 30,000 Feet!

Be prepared for the next step.

As you approach security, have your ticket and ID out and ready, your shoes and jacket off, and your smile on! If the stack of bins where you deposit your items is running low, say to the person behind you, stranger or not, "Please hold my spot! I'm going to get some bins for us." Pick up as a many as you can, take yours, hand one to the person behind you, and place the rest on the floor nearby for the next passengers. This small act of helpfulness earns a smile and a "Thank-you" from even the gruffest of fellow travelers.

Godparents, and Lipstick!

Quick Tip: Know Before You Pucker!

Question: In public, after eating, when and how do you refresh your lipstick?

Answer: Applying makeup, (including lipstick) and brushing our hair is what we do to look our best in public. It should be done in preparation for being seen, not while being seen.

The best way to handle refreshing makeup after eating is to say, "Excuse me for a moment please," leave the table and take care of everything behind the privacy of the bathroom door.

Question: A family member of mine is trying to have a baby and the couple has insisted I'm going to be the godmother. They didn't even ask me; they just implied that I would fit the bill perfectly.

I never had godparents. I really don't know what this means or what I'm supposed to do throughout the child's life. All I know is that godparents end up paying for a lot of stuff.

Answer:  Being asked to be a godparent is a great honor. Congratulations! The obligations and expectations of godparents vary from culture to culture and from family to family. You could play anything from an honorary role to an integral part of the child's spiritual upbringing.  In general, a godparent's role is to stay connected with the child in some manner throughout his or her life.

How to Be Everyone's Favorite Wedding Guest

1. Be the first to RSVP! A quick response shows you're eager and honored to attend the wedding. A special touch is to write a note on the inside or back of the response card letting the couple know how happy you are for them. Something similar to, "We're counting down the days and looking forward to being with you!" sends a positive message to the bride and groom that their hard work is going to be a memory-making day for their guests.

2. If you can't attend the wedding, always write why (if it's not too personal) on the response card and let the couple know your good wishes for them. If you live nearby, it's nice to arrange a time after the wedding to celebrate with the newlyweds. You could write, "We're sad the timing of our long-planned trip is the same week as your wedding. We'll be thinking of you and would love to see every photo when you're back from your honeymoon! I'll call the first week of July to plan a night when we can all be together."

3. A wedding invitation is not transferable. If your spouse can't attend, it doesn't mean your sister or best friend can automatically fill in. Every guest is hand chosen and should be known by either the bride or groom. If a card is addressed to "Mr. Jonathan Thompson and Guest," then he's free to bring whomever. A bride should know the name of everyone at her wedding, even if she doesn't know them personally. For this reason, he should include the name of his guest on the response card. "Lauren McKnight, my girlfriend, will be my guest for the wedding. I look forward to introducing you!"

4. If you attend the reception, you are obliged to send a wedding gift, even if you gave a shower gift. In most cultures, gifts aren't opened at the reception, so they shouldn't be brought to the wedding. (It's a logistic nightmare to get them packed into a car and stored while the couple is on their honeymoon.) Gifts are best sent to the bride's home (or whatever return address was on the invitation) prior to the wedding. That way, she has the opportunity to open the gift and mail the thank-you card prior to the wedding.

5. If there's a receiving line, go through it. Keep your compliments and good wishes brief so the line moves quickly. Introduce yourself to each person you don't know, and never bring food or drink with you.

6. You may wear white or black to a wedding. Just make sure your white dress isn't lacey or beaded and your black dress couldn't be confused by others as what you wore to Great Uncle Billy's funeral.

7. In cases where the mother and father of the bride hosted the wedding, it's nice to send a note of appreciation following the event. Similar to sending a note after a dinner or party, this is your opportunity to thank the parents and congratulate them on a beautiful, romantic, flawless wedding!

Sneezing, Fried Chicken, Dog Groomers and More!

Answering some questions that have come up along the way!

Question...

What to say or not say when someone sneezes. Sometimes a sneeze is just unavoidable and somewhat uncontrollable. I've always felt uncomfortable saying, "Bless you!" because it seems to draw more attention to the person who might already feel embarrassed.

I've been in church settings where someone sneezes and 25 people call out, "Bless you!" While it was amusing to hear, if I had been the sneezer, all that attention would have been unwelcome. 

Answer...

If you're near someone who sneezes, silently and slowly count to three or four before saying, "Bless you!" or "God bless you!" This oh-so-brief waiting period will be the time that others nearby will say, "Bless you!" if they're ever going to. If no one else says it by then, it's a pretty safe bet you'll be the only one.

The social habit of blessing someone after a sneeze came about during the reign of Pope Gregory the Great (approx. 550 AD), whose predecessor died at the start of the plague. In hopes of squelching its spread, Pope Gregory began praying in earnest.

He also sent people out to pray street-by-street. Each time a sneeze was heard, they called out, "God bless you," hoping to replace the plague with the blessing of health in the person. Did it work? It was one of the briefest plagues in history.

Today, the custom is mostly tradition, but it's a wonderful one! It unites us in a moment of unselfishness, where we verbally acknowledge the other person (stranger or friend) and wish them blessing and health. Continue to verbally bless on every appropriate occasion. Just make sure you're one of the few nearby, not one of the many a row or so over!                   

Question...

Are you supposed to tip the dog groomer?

Answer...

Yep! 15-20% is the norm, the same as tipping a hair stylist. If the dog groomer is also the owner, then sometimes they aren't tipped because they're not sharing a percentage of their fee with the shop. Nowadays, most owners accept and appreciate the tips. I tip mine even though she is the owner. She deserves it for her hard work in making my furry one look great!

The Best Times to Arrive at Business and Social Events

Greetings, Everyone!

This week the spotlight is on the best time to arrive at business and social events. Should you show-up fifteen minutes early to the meeting across town? What about the morning staff meeting down the hall? If the event is social and not business, like dinner at a friend's home, do the same guidelines apply? Should you knock on the front door ten minutes early and offer to help, or ten minutes late so you're not in the way?   

Here's your quick list of six common situations and the most considerate times to arrive!

The Best Times to Arrive at Business and Social Events

1. Out-of-office Meetings: Arrive at the reception desk no more than five minutes early. Right on time is best. Why not earlier? Because once you arrive, the person you'll be meeting with feels the need (and even the pressure) to stop what he or she is doing to pay attention to you. Being right on time shows two things: that you're considerate of other people's schedules and that you manage yours well.

2. Inter-office Meetings: Arriving five to ten minutes beforehand is best. This gives you time to find your place, offer to help with last-minute details, and greet coworkers. Arriving more than ten minutes early (unless you're running the meeting) sends a signal that you don't have much on your to-do list.

3. Meetings in Homes: For religious, social, and civic group meetings it's best to arrive about five minutes early. This way the host doesn't feel the need to entertain you prior to the gathering, but you're there early enough to say, "Hello!" to fellow guests, help yourself to refreshments, and get settled-in for the meeting to begin at the scheduled time.

Top Seven Guide for Eating Appetizers

Here's your short list for managing the messiest of munchies with ease!

1. Appetizer is a broad word used for three different types of food:

• Appetizers eaten with the fingers are canapés
• Appetizers eaten with a knife and fork are hors d'oeuvres
• Appetizers (usually fruits or vegetables) dipped in sauce of any kind are crudités

2. What to do with the toothpicks used in many canapés and crudités baffles lots of us. I've watched men putting them in their pockets (and in potted plants!), women putting them in their purses, and men and women both putting them back on the tray the next time the server circles the room. There is a better way. First, if you're the hostess, plan food that is toothpick-free. (They really are a nuisance.) If you're favorite party food requires toothpicks, make sure to place several receptacles (baskets or trays) around the room. For guests, if there are no receptacles, wrap the toothpicks in your napkin and dispose of them in the nearest trash can or the bathroom wastebasket.

3. Whether appetizers are being passed on trays or you're helping yourself from a buffet, if you're taking only one or two at a time, a napkin will fill-in nicely for a plate. With three or more items, a plate is necessary.

4. Two great things to keep in mind while at the buffet table. After helping yourself, step back at least four steps to avoid eating over the table or blocking others. Also, pleasantries are fine by the buffet table; engaging in a full conversation tends to block the flow and can cause others the uncomfortable feeling of intruding on your conversation when they come to sample the food.

Cell Phone Savvy

Greetings!

This edition is about etiquette's hot topic-cell phone usage. It's a difficult and debated subject. It asks each of us to make decisions about balancing our urge and need to stay connected with family members, coworkers, and friends with the equal right of the stranger beside us to go about his or her day-without overhearing anything about ours.

I'm a cell phone fan, and I have no intention of packing my away. Yet, I try to use it with a keen awareness of the how my call will affect those around me. All of us have a story or two about our encounters with the "other guy" on his cell phone. Selfish misuse happens everywhere: waiting rooms, restaurants, churches, movie theaters, funerals, weddings, bathroom stalls-the list goes on.

Fifteen years ago, if you wanted to make a call while out and about, you went into a phone booth, closed the door, and gave the next person in line a crossways look if he stood too close. Privacy was sought and protected. Times change, and so do our ideas of what's appropriate in the public arena. "Cell phone" and "politeness" don't have to be contradictory terms. Keeping a few points in mind each time we pick up our phones will ensure the two terms are harmonious.

TOP THREE TIPS FOR CALLING WITHOUT OFFENDING

TOP THREE TIPS FOR TALKING WITHOUT OFFENDING...