Take Root and Write

Moving Day and The Personalities

 

A few weeks ago I helped a dear older friend of mine move into an assisted living facility. As a recent widow she was hesitant to leave her home of so many years, but under the circumstances she was happy knowing that it was only temporary until a couple of health issues could be resolved. It ended up being a very good day as there were three of us who helped this wonderful lady transition to her new accommodations and this is where I saw The Personalities working together in all their glory.

Each of the three of us assisting our friend had three different personalities. My friend Joyce was a wonderful example of a melancholy, Rebecca represented the choleric personality quite nicely, and I had the phlegmatic category covered. However, there were no sanguine movers to be found that day; probably because most moving days aren't considered festive occasions. Moving is a lot of work and sanguines are all about fun! So, of all The Personalities, I wasn't too surprised that a sanguine was not there. . .she was probably out shopping or planning a social regale for the community at her house.

The Choleric Mover

Rebecca was a wonderfully helpful mover. She met with our friend two days before the actual move because there were things that needed to be done. Since the choleric personality is such a doer, it made sense that she was the one who made sure things were done in advance. Checklists were double checked and logistics were thoughtfully planned out. Rebecca had our friend's new address, made sure that the right paperwork for changing addresses was obtained, and she coordinated the arrival of everyone for the morning of moving day. She did a great job and I'm absolutely positive that things went smoothly because of all of Rebecca's efforts and her "get 'er done" attitude.

Personalities and the NJROTC

My youngest son is in the Naval Junior Reserve Officer Training Corp (NJROTC) at Los Alamos (NM) High School. It is a wonderful program and you cannot believe how it helps the young men and women blossom. I must brag a little because it seems there is always a graduating senior from the program accepted into the Naval Academy at Annapolis, Maryland, while a plethora of other NJROTC students receive great scholarships, join our armed services, or set out on other fine adventures because of their experiences in this program.

A few weeks ago my husband and I attended the last awards ceremony for the 2008-2009 school year. We were impressed by the number of awards the cadets won over the past year. There were so many trophies that they covered two cafeteria tables. However, because I am fascinated by personalities, it was a real treat for me to observe the many personalities that make up this wonderful group.

SANGUINE

The best example of a sanguine personality that evening was one of the adult leaders. This Marine, Gunnery Sergeant Bret Painter USMC (Ret), is full of energy which is helpful when trying to keep up with and herd over seventy teenagers. Because of the demonstrative nature of sanguine people, it is easy to tell he loves his job. Out of the two adult leaders in the unit, he is more talkative and animated; it's not surprising that the cadets adore this man. Despite the fact that this leader is fun loving, he does have high expectations and the cadets don't ever want to disappoint him (or do push-ups when they don't meet the standard).

On awards night, Gy Sgt Painter was the one who addressed all the proud parents in the audience. He also handed out many of the awards and, where appropriate, he even called a few of the cadets by the nicknames they had earned during the school year. He even playfully "punched" one of the more "tough" cadets in the arm when she walked up to receive her award. Sanguine personalities enjoy good, wholesome fun with those around them.

Personalities and Reality TV

I enjoy watching several reality television shows. It must be my love of The Personalities that makes the unscripted situations and people interactions irresistible to me. I realize that editing sometimes alters the appearance of any given encounter, but The Personalities always shine through. I'd like to share some of my observations.

Survivor - CBS

Throwing a bunch of people together in an uncivilized setting with no modern conveniences seems cruel, but they actually sign up to travel to exotic destinations such a Africa, the Australian outback, and the wilds of Central and South America.

It's not unusual for the sanguine personalities to either last for a long time or be voted off early in the game; it depends on whether they operate more from their strengths or weaknesses. When operating from their weaknesses, they tend to get on people's nerves if they talk incessantly or are too loud and obnoxious. If they approach the game with their strengths they can be very popular, fun, and charming. Sanguine participants often provide comedic relief when life around camp get tough.

The choleric contestants, usually known as the work horses, see that the camp is built and put food on the table. . . when it's available. Because they are such formidable opponents, they usually wear a giant target on their backs from the very beginning. So, whether a choleric operates from their strengths or weaknesses, I'm never surprised to see them get voted out of the tribe. Sometimes, due to their bossiness and blunt communication style, they deserve to go, but other times it seems unfair to be voted off because they play the game so well.

Vacation Personalities

My apologies for not posting "Purely Personalities" last week. My husband, Warren, invited me to accompany him on a business trip to Las Vegas. It wasn't until we settled into our hotel that we discovered how expensive daily internet service was, so I enjoyed a computer free vacation. However, I came up with the idea to share about vacation personalities; our own traveling companions as well as the different personalities we see and encounter when we hit the road. So, sit back and see if you have traveled with or encountered any of the examples I share.

Vacation Sanguine

Sanguine personalities love to spend money and have never met a souvenir they did not like. My youngest son, Eric, is a typical vacation sanguine. Two years ago when we traveled to Florida, Eric spent all of this money and traipsed back to New Mexico with some pretty unique treasures; ever heard of a "turgator"? It is an authentic turtle shell with the real head and feet of an alligator glued to it. Eric bought it from an equally sanguine person who made the freaky little guys. This shopkeeper was Eric's favorite person from our trip. They got along famously because they both shared a creative streak and a love for the unusual.

I love watching people in airports and sanguine travelers are hard to miss. On our flight home last week, a sanguine lady sat next to my husband. She was wearing a bright, high-heeled pair of sandals, black leggings, a fur accented jacket, and huge sunglasses that rested on her blond, lion-maned hair. On one of the buses that took us to the rental car center we encountered a boisterous group of people from the Bronx. They laughed and talked enthusiastically during our ride. They were clearly sanguine and were having a raucous good time!

Personalities and Your Prince Charming

Valentine's Day has come and gone, but love endures forever. Sometimes that is easier to say than to believe, especially if your personality is completely different from that of your Prince Charming husband. Believe it or not, most people do marry their direct opposite because, like the premise made famous by Tom Cruise in the movie Jerry McGuire, our opposites do complete us.

So, in honor of the February, the love month, let's explore the different characteristics of each of the Personality Princes.

Prince Sanguine

If we can remember that a sanguine person's basic desire is to have fun and their emotional needs include attention, approval, affection, and acceptance we can better understand the sanguine husband...especially if you do not share the same personality.

The sanguine hubby tends to be spontaneous, creative, and fun. This is evident in everyday life and life in the bedroom (or possibly other fun and funky locations.) They love whimsical activities and games and often have as many words as women that they need to speak in a given day. That's why the sanguine personality is known as the talker.

Although the sanguine prince in your life is full of fun he will probably have some traits that will drive you crazy. They do not like to read instructions and will jump from project to project or task to task until they completely forget what they are suppose to be doing. Most sanguine personalities (male and female, alike) are not cleaning machines when it comes to household chores; they are easily distracted by activities that show more promise in the "fun" department. But, if you can get your prince charming to actually help and accomplish something on your "honey-do" list, give him lots of praise for a job well done and take him bungee jumping or out to get ice cream.

My youngest son, Eric, is a typical sanguine. He is going to be a fun-loving husband, but will need a wife who understands how easily distracted he is when it comes to household responsibilities.  However, on the upside, his wife is going to be blessed with a husband who wants to talk and giggle as much as she does. And, all indications are that Eric is going to be the funnest daddy in the neighborhood. He is a kid magnet. The boys he babysits absolutely love his goofy side and Eric loves to get his hands dirty with kid's activities. Prince Sanguine will be full of fun and forever young at heart.

Prince Choleric

Prince Choleric is a wonderful guy, but he does not always come across as the famous Prince Charming. The choleric personality has a basic desire to be in control. Their emotional needs include loyalty, a sense of control, appreciation, and credit for work.

Your choleric prince can sometimes be a little bossy because he tends to be so mission minded. He always sees projects that need to be done and they must be done his way. Choleric hubbies tend to be high energy and will do everything on your "to-do" list even before you make the "to-do" list.

My husband, Warren, is a classic choleric. As is typical with most choleric personalities, I never have to give him a "honey-do" list. Choleric men aren't known for their romantic or soft-and-tender sides, but they demonstrate their love and affection by doing. If I casually mention something I want, the next thing I know Warren brings it to me or gets it done. One time I happened to mention it had been a while since I'd had a peanut butter cup and the next day, my choleric prince brought me one.

Choleric husbands are not ones to stop and smell the roses. When we take to the road for the weekend or for vacation, Warren is a very efficient traveler and plans any stops strategically...to avoid "accidents" in the car and to ward of starvation. Recently we were traveling home from visiting our son who is in college and Eric and I almost had to declare mutiny to get lunch. However, in true choleric form, Warren provided for us and, once we stopped, we had a feast. You've just gotta love the "git-er-done" guy. I know I love mine.

Prince Melancholy

If you want romance, Prince Melancholy is your guy. If there was a prize for Mr. Valentine, the melancholy would, more than likely, walk away with the trophy. This personality's basic desire it to achieve perfection and order. Their emotional needs include support from loved ones and friends, their own space, silence, and stability. If the melancholy prince plans something for Valentine's Day or any other romantic occasion, he will probably do it up right. Candles and soft music anyone?

Prince Melancholy usually dresses neatly and often very stylish so don't be surprised if he looks like he just stepped off a magazine cover. If you feel like running your fingers through his hair, beware: they may get stuck in his helmet of hairspray. Your melancholy hubby will actually help keep the house clean and tidy. However, if you are a sanguine wife you may not feel adequate up against his meticulous house cleaning abilities.

For as much as our melancholy prince seeks to achieve perfection, he is far from perfect. His quest for perfection and order may cause him to be overly critical of his wife who will often fall short of his expectations. Because of his sensitive nature, it's not unusual for Prince Melancholy to experience the blues and to brood when his emotional needs are not being met. Additionally, their high expectations often place an unnecessary burden on the husband/wife relationship.

However, it is the melancholy hubby who will remember important dates like anniversaries and birthdays. They are totally committed to their loved ones and tend to be loving and protective of any children in the family. And, remember the Valentine prize they would win? They are very romantic when it comes to spending special time with their wife. Prince Melancholy will sweep you off your feet!

Prince Phlegmatic

If you want the king of relaxation, marry a phlegmatic. This Personality Prince is laid back, patient, and agreeable. His basic desire it to have peace and his emotional needs include quiet, feelings of worth, lack of stress, and respect. He may let Prince Choleric slay all the dragons and Prince Melancholy sweat all the details, but Prince Phlegmatic will wrap you in a cloak of stability, show you patience, and is not demanding.

This hubby is easy going and will roll with any punches people or life throws at your marriage. He tends to seek special event "intimacy" (anniversaries and birthdays) and will rarely wake you in the middle of the night because he is feeling amorous...he's too busy sleeping. Prince Phlegmatic's interest include vegging (preferably in front of the television) and avoiding a long or complex "honey-do" list. Like I said, they are the kings of relaxation.

I have a friend who is married to a wonderful phlegmatic man. She marvels at all the household activities my Prince Choleric accomplishes and wishes her prince was as driven as Warren. I look at her husband and wish that mine could relax a little more. We are both blessed with our own princes, but it isn't unusual for women to admire traits in their friend's husbands. But if we understand The Personalities, we will also appreciate the wonderful things that made us fall in love with our own princes.

The phlegmatic prince in your life does not like conflict. It can be difficult to engage him in conversation if you need to discuss a difficult issue. Sometimes, because they are too accommodating, they can lose their own identity or let the kids in the family run over them. However, if Prince Phlegmatic marries his opposite personality (choleric) she will take care of insubordinate kids.

This article just touches the tip of the iceberg when it comes to The Personalities and marriages. If you are interested in learning more on this excellent and important subject Personality Plus for Couples by Florence Littauer is a must read. It includes what I have shared here and goes much deeper. If you are interested in discussing marriage and how personalities affect them, visit the Purely Personalities group over at Christian Women Take Root. Marriage isn't easy, but understanding your spouses personality can make it less difficult.

 

(c)2009 Shona Neff

Jesus...the Complete Package?

Have you ever wondered what personality type best reflects Jesus? Each personality carries with it wonderful attributes, weaknesses, and specific emotional needs. But, which one best describes our Lord and Savior?

Does it surprise you to learn that Jesus embodies all the personalities? But, the truly great thing about Jesus is that, not only does He exhibit the strengths of the sanguine, choleric, melancholy, and phlegmatic, He does it without being hindered by their weaknesses! If only we could be so lucky.

Jesus the Sanguine

Sanguine people have many fabulous traits. One of the most obvious sanguine traits that Jesus exhibited during His earthly ministry was His love towards people. This personality loves people and the Bible records many instances of Jesus showering the masses with love and compassion. He healed blind and lame men, he stopped a woman from long-time bleeding, and he raised people from the dead. And on two separate occasions, He fed thousands of people because they were hungry. Jesus loved children and people from all walks of life and they loved Him back.

Jesus embraced others as no world leader has before or after He walked the dusty roads of Israel. Although He welcomes the world with open arms, the world doesn't always welcome Him. That rejection is not a reflection of Jesus' lack of ability to draw people in, as is characteristic of the sanguine personality; it's more of a reflection on those who fail to get to know Jesus and choose to reject the truth of what He is all about...saving the world from sin.

Jesus is a wonderful example of a sanguine personality.

Personality Announcement

I'd like to take this week to announce that "Purely Personalities" will go from posting twice monthly to posting once a month.

With my new duties as Co-Editor of Take Root and Write, my life as a wife and mother, my part time job, and a new weekly radio gig...I'm pretty busy for a slow moving phlegmatic.

Although my personality blend includes sanguine, the phlegmatic in me rules the day. If I were primarily a sanguine personality I would say "yes" to it all and in a few weeks or months, I'd be completely burned out.

If I were choleric, I would have enough energy and drive to do it all and then come over and clean your house, But, alas, I am who I am...phlegmatic.

If I was a melancholy personality, I would gladly quit my job at the dry cleaner and enjoy the solitude of my desk. But, the sanguine part of me would miss interacting with my customers and, as a phlegmatic, I know I need to push myself out into the world so I don't waste away at home.

But because the phlegmatic in me thrives on peaceful surroundings and as little stress as possible, I am rearranging things so my emotional tank doesn't have to run on empty.

I am confident that I am going to have to rearrange my schedule even more to accommodate all the opportunities the Lord is providing, but for now, one less post per month seems like a good place to start. I thank all of you who faithfully read "Purely Personalities" and encourage you to watch for it on the third Wednesday of the month.

 

(c)2009 Shona Neff

The Gifts of the Personalities

One of the most anticipated things about Christmas is receiving gifts, but sometimes the best gifts of all are the wonderful attributes people offer of themselves. Christmas exists to honor the birthday of Jesus who gave the ultimate of Himself...His life. Today I'd like to share with you the wonderful gifts people give of themselves during the Christmas season. Actually, these gifts keep giving all year long but are especially endearing at this time of year. Learn how to unwrap the gifts of the seasons from the personalities of your loved ones.

The Joy of the Season - The Sanguine

Sanguine people decorate the Christmas season with their gift of joy and enthusiasm. My niece, Kendall, exudes the holiday sanguine. She gets giddy with anticipation at the prospect of opening presents. This past weekend, due to travel logistics, Kendall's family opened their gifts from my family early. Although Kendall's sister and brother, Coley and Lane, were equally excited but Kendall was the one bouncing around the room with excitement. According to her parents, she is the one with the exuberant and least patient reputation when it comes to anticipating special events and Christmas is no exception. I'm not sure if my niece is tempted to sneak peeks at presents under the tree, but if anyone is going to prematurely peek at presents, it's usually the sanguine...young or old. Their natural curiosity often gets the better of them.

My sanguine sister, Gail, is hosting Kendall's family for Christmas and, in true sanguine fashion, she is excitedly anticipating their arrival. Between a plethora of festive and gala events to attend and house decorating, my sister is preparing a tea party for entertainment complete with vintage hats. Sanguine personalities definitely get into the season and make it festive; "the more the merrier" is their mantra. So don't forget to enjoy the gift of joy that sanguine personalities bring to Christmas.

Spiritual Personalities

Knowledge of The Personalities comes in handy in our everyday lives, but did you know they can help us understand our spiritual side? Where are we weak? What spiritual strengths do we naturally exhibit? Today we are going to explore the different aspects of our spiritual personalities.

Popular/Playful Sanguine: Sanguine people are drawn to the happy parts of Christianity because their basic desire is to have fun. They approach their belief asking, "Are we having fun yet?" It's not unusual to see a sanguine doing the fun things around the church like planning celebrations for the entire congregation or their Sunday school class and organizing vacation Bible school. They see God as an affectionate Father and their Best Friend; that's because sanguine personalities are, themselves, affectionate and love everyone.

Their spiritual strength is grace: "God is faithful; by him you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord" (1 Corinthians 1:9, NRSV).

A sanguine desiring a close relationship with God benefits by:

• not giving up when things get difficult.
• getting involved in a small group study for accountability.
• organizing or teaching a study.
• participating in enjoyable activities around the church.
• reading Christian fiction.

Powerful Choleric: Since the choleric personality thrives when they have control, they tend to be the workers around church. They want to get things done and aren't afraid to get their hands dirty if required by their mission. They tend to be big participants in church work days and are the busy bees who keep the church functioning. It's not unusual to find church boards filled with choleric people. They tend to see God as someone they have to fight for control; it isn't as easy for a choleric to "let go and let God" as it is for the other personalities.

Personalities and Happy Holidays

Thanksgiving is almost here and Christmas is just around the corner. Most of us greet the holidays with tingly anticipation...sometimes mixed with a little dread. Festive gatherings often stir together a variety of personalities and sometimes the results can be explosive.

Today, Purely Personalities is going to take the dread and the edge out of your plans by exploring holiday personalities. So make yourself comfortable and get ready to understand The Personalities lurking around the Thanksgiving turkey and dancing around the Christmas tree.

The Holiday Sanguine: Sanguine personalities are a time keepers worst nightmare. They tend to be late for everything and it's difficult for them to follow a schedule. Holiday Sanguine wants to do it all...bake cookies for every Tom, Dick and Harry in town, run the church Christmas pageant, and whatever else they can't say "no" to. And because sanguines love to shop no matter the time of year and especially in December, they will buy Christmas gifts for immediate family, first and second cousins, third cousins twice removed, and the lonely widow down the street. They often spend more than they should but, bless their hearts, they are generous people that would benefit from a financial manager.

Keys to surviving the Holiday Sanguine:

• Don't be offended if they show up late to your party or dinner

• If holiday budgets are tight, don't let them shop alone

• Recognize their emotional need for fun like attending holiday functions and being the life of the party

• Encourage them to prioritize holiday activities so they don't get over scheduled

The Holiday Choleric: Choleric personalities are the movers and shakers. Holiday parades, lawn decorations, and pre-lit Christmas trees all exist because Holiday Cholerics are like Santa's elves on a mission. Holiday Cholerics like to be in charge and accomplish things. My husband has our Christmas lights up the weekend after Thanksgiving and down the day after Christmas. A holiday choleric preparing food flexes her mission-minded muscle in the kitchen and is quite capable of whipping up a meal for a thousand guests without breaking a sweat. She likes things done efficiently and will get a little prickly if someone gets in her way. Holiday Choleric isn't usually as outwardly festive and social as Holiday Sanguine, but they enjoy the season in their own "scowly" way. God bless the cholerics with hidden hearts of gold.

Preschool Personalities

Since gaining an understanding of The Personalities I am better able to understand my husband, my friends, sales clerks, and people in general. However, understanding my children has been one of the most beneficial aspects of knowing The Personalities. My children were older when I became aquainted with personalities, but better late than never. But, today is your lucky day if you have younger children because we are going to unravel the mysteries of preschool personalities.

Although each person's personality develops more as they grow, it isn't unusual to see a child's personality creep out as early as infancy. I've had a sanguine baby bat her eyelashes at me from an infant seat perched on top of a table at a restaurant. As I've watched that little girl grow up her sanguine side is increasingly evident. Although it's not always easy to identify personalities at such a young age, I've seen children display distinct personality traits as early as 18 months to two years. The sooner we can understand our little ones, the sooner we can begin to nurture the person God created your child to be later in life.

The Sanguine Preschooler: this child is bright, lively, and loves to perform. They will dance jigs, tell jokes, or do whatever it takes to get noticed. Although it is important to feed the need these children have for attention, it isn't necessary to overindulge the sanguine child's quest for attention. When it's appropriate, give them your undivided attention and notice their accomplishments no matter how small.

Sanguine children tend to be into everything and many have the reputation of breaking things. My youngest son broke many of his big brother's toys and when things got quiet, Eric was usually into something "fun" like cutting his hair or playing with fire. A sanguine child will charm your socks off in order to avoid getting in trouble. One time when I was scolding a young Eric, he started crossing his eyes and moving his head in circles. Getting in trouble wasn't fun, but making mom laugh in the midst of it was a blast (and a nice diversion.)

The Choleric Preschooler: if you have a bossy little one trying to run your household, you're probably looking at a  choleric. Moreso than other children, a choleric will exhibit confidence and leadership abilities. When I taught preschool I had the cutest little choleric in my class. Although I never had the opportunity to put Caroline to the test, I'm confident that she couldn've run the class in my absence. If a classmate tried to run away during an excursion from the classroom, Caroline would run the tiny perpetrator down, catch 'em, and physically put him or her back in line.

Even with their limited abilities a choleric child needs to be the boss of something. Find something age appropriate your child can be put in charge of such as monitoring family seat belt use in the car or making sure the pets always have water. This will give your mission-minded little cherub something to accomplish and a healthy outlet for their natural leadership abilities.

Personality Blends

I'm sure most, if not all, of us have mixed ingredients in a blender. I like to make salsa and by the time the blender has worked its magic, there's no way to distinguish the original ingredients such as tomatoes, onions, and jalapenos; they are completely mixed together. Although there are personality blends, the original ingredients (traits) don't get mixed to the same extent as those put into an appliance made for mixing. The Personalities tend to stay more distinct.

I've never met anyone who exhibits every single trait of one personality type; most people have a primary/dominant personality along with a secondary personality. It is possible for someone to have 50/50 blend of two personalities which allows them to move naturally from one to the other, depending on their circumstances.

When considering the blends it's important to note that there are "natural" and "unnatural" combinations. In order to illustrate these blends, picture The Personalities in this format:

                                                      Sanguine                                      Choleric

                                                      Phlegmatic                                   Melancholy

Using the above arrangement of the four personality types, the natural blends move across/horizontally or up and down/vertically. For example, sanguine/choleric or sanguine/phlegmatic and melancholy/phlegmatic or melancholy/choleric are natural blends. However, any combination made from matching The Personalities diagonally (sanguine/melancholy or phlegmatic/choleric) are considered unnatural blends because they are total opposites. (See the Purely Personalities archives for the individual traits of each personality type.) Today we are going to explore the different blends.

Sanguine/Choleric Blend: Both sanguine and choleric personalities are outgoing, optimistic, and energized by  people. This combination is a born leader - they mix the natural leadership skills of the choleric and the people-loving aspect and charm of the sanguine to create a modern-day Pied Piper. They can lead and motivate people. The sanguine side of this blend helps tone down the intensity of the choleric and the choleric side reigns in the lack of focus that often plagues sanguines.

I know a lady who is a 50/50 blend of this mix. Because she can easily move between the two personalities, her surroundings tend to dictate which personality rises to the top. If she is "in charge", the choleric quickly emerges so that she can accomplish the task at hand. If she doesn't have to be the leader, she happily assumes the role of the fun-loving sanguine.

Fill 'er Up - Emotional Needs, Part 2

Last time we met we learned the emotional needs of the sanguine and choleric personalities. Today we are going to focus on the needs of melancholy and phlegmatic people.

In Part one we likened our emotional needs to a vehicles gas tank; cars and people tend to perform best when they aren't running on empty. It could be said that being full makes us fabulous, so sit back as we learn how to fill up the emotional tanks of the melancholy and phlegmatic people in your life.

Proper/Perfect Melancholy: The melancholy personality has the following emotional needs:

• Sensitivity to feelings
• Support when down
• Space to be alone
• Silence

Sensitivity to feelings: Melancholy people are the most sensitive of all The Personalities. The emotional ups and downs in their lives often reflect extreme peaks and valleys unlike the other personalities whose emotional stages aren't as dramatic. Melancholies respond best when people are sensitive to their moods. Romans 12:15 is particularly applicable to this personality: "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." In most cases, when a melancholy is feeling blue they don't appreciate a bright-eyed, cheer leading sanguine's attempts to cheer them up; they'd rather have someone sit next to them and offer comfort.

Support when down: A melancholy going through a gloomy season generally needs more support than the other three personalities. Sanguine personalities tend to be so positive that they don't stay blue for long. Choleric people are so goal oriented they will snap themselves out of the doldrums because they have things to do and places to go. A phlegmatic person doesn't really like to deal with emotional issues, so when feelings start getting complicated they just tune them out. However, none of these strategies work for a melancholy; they are like bridge that needs pillars of support when spanning troubled waters. Let the melancholy in your life know that you care and are there for them when they need you.

Fill 'er Up - Emotional Needs, Part 1

Now that we have learned how to  identify The Personalities, it's time to learn what to do with our knowledge. In Part  One we are going to look the emotional needs of the sanguine and choleric personalities.

The emotional needs of each personality are a lot like the gas tank in a car. When a vehicle has a full tank it tends to perform better than when it is running on fumes. The same premise holds true for most people. When our emotional tanks are full we tend to be more pleasant, happier, and more productive when it comes to life in general. However, if we are running on empty...watch out! Depending on our personality we can get get loud and obnoxious, bossy, depressed, or withdrawn. So sit back as we investigate this important aspect of The Personalities.

Popular/Playful Sanguine. The sanguine personality has the following emotional needs:

• Attention
• Affection/Touching
• Approval of every deed
• Acceptance

Attention: Sanguines love to be the center of attention. Put a sanguine in a dark corner, away from the spotlight, and their tank will quickly move from full to empty. They thrive on attention. If you have a sanguine in your life make an effort to give them plenty of attention. It isn't necessary that the world revolve around them (although they'd love that), but if they have a new dress, a new haircut, or tell a particularly funny story, pay them a simple compliment. Also, if they are talking to you, give them your undivided attention. Let them know you are interested in what they have to say by not letting your thoughts (or your body) wander off. You'll make their day by giving them your attention.

Affection/Touching: Sanguine people are touchy, feely people. They love hugs and tend to be very physical; they often invade others personal space because of their affectionate nature. Eric, my youngest, is almost sixteen years old and still loves to sit right next to me on the couch. It's not unusual for him to snuggle close and lay his head on my shoulder. The other day he took our snuggles one step further...he threw his legs across my lap. Even thought I'm not as touchy and feely as Eric, I make sure to give him lots of love pats and return his affection when he offers it. What a blessing it is to have a sanguine son who still wants to be close to his 'ol ma.

Approval of every deed: Have you been around a child (or an adult for that matter) who is constantly looking for   affirmation? Chances are you are dealing with a sanguine. "Isn't my dress pretty. Do you like my new haircut? Do you think I made the right decision?" Compliments and approval really fill a sanguine person's emotional tank. If they aren't hearing the words they desire, a sanguine has no reservations soliciting your words of affirmation. Again, it isn't necessary to overdo the compliments, but a few properly placed words of approval will put a big smile on their face.

Beneath the Surface

Last time we met we learned how to determine an individual's personality by looking at their appearance. Although  this method has proven very accurate, sometimes it's necessary to explore beneath the surface in order to truly understand who someone is.

I have three small dogs of which two are Welsh Terriers and the other, a highway find of unknown origins. When it comes to appearances, Watson is easy to distinguish from the other two because he looks so different. Cooper and Newman, on the other hand, are almost identical making it difficult for people outside our family to tell them apart. However, when people look beneath the surface, Cooper and Newman's distinct personalities are unmistakable.

Newman, pictured on the right, is undeniably sanguine; full of energy and extremely playful. Cooper, on the left, is calm and laid back. A couple of weeks ago Cooper unexpectedly stepped on one of our backyard snakes. He calmly lifted his paw and watched as Eve quietly slithered away; a typical reaction of the peaceful phlegmatic. However, when playful sanguine Newman encountered our other backyard snake, he promptly pounced on what he perceived as his newest play toy. Newman sent the poor reptile spinning, hurly burly, through the air. I quickly intervened and Adam lived to see another day.

When appearances don't tell the whole story behind a person's personality, it's time to dive beneath the surface. Cooper and Newman, although they are dogs, are classic examples of how important it is to recognize the behavior that characterizes each personality. So, let's dive right in!

Playful/Popular Sanguine - the sanguine personality is affectionately known as "THE TALKER" because they are the most loquacious of all the personality types. This trait explains why they are such colorful story tellers and masters at telling jokes. These natural strengths make them the life of any party. Sanguine people usually have magnetic personalities and, in many cases, can charm the spots off of a leopard.

Despite their fun-loving nature, sanguines do have weaknesses. They tend to interrupt others, add to others stories, and embellish their own adventures. Sanguines can tell some of the best "fish" stories you have ever heard. Because of their playfulness, they have a tendency to laugh everything off and have a hard time listening to others. They aren't very good time managers and often find themselves over committed.

Powerful Cholerics - a choleric person is unmistakably "THE DOER." People born with this personality are natural leaders. They love to be in charge of anything and will rise to the occasion. They are decisive and will take control when given the opportunity. They love to work and are goal oriented. My husband is choleric and my friends marvel that I never have to make him a "honey-do" list in order to get things done around the house. Just the other night I was battling a hard water stain that had built up in our master bath toilet bowl. The next thing I knew it was gone! Warren had gotten some kind of razor and quickly eradicated the offending substance. Go Warren!

However, like the sanguine, choleric individuals have their own weaknesses to overcome. They can be very bossy and it isn't unusual for them to come across as "know-it-alls." These traits make it difficult for the choleric to utter words of apology. Although, when they do, you can bet they are sincere. It is easy for the choleric to unintentionally intimidate those around them and they have little patience for those who don't share their propensity to work hard and do things right the first time.

Can You Judge a Book By Its Cover?

Can you judge a book by its cover? This question has been around as long as books. Sometimes you can and sometimes you can't. It's the same with The Personalities. Although determining an individuals personality by the visual clues they display are fairly accurate, they aren't 100 percent fool proof. However, for as long as I've been using The Personalities to gain insights into people, they have proven very helpful.

In the last post I introduced you to the bright and lively sanguine, the powerful and goal-oriented choleric, the quiet and beauty-loving melancholy, and the laid back phlegmatic. Today we are going to learn how to identify a person by looking at their "cover." It's not only interesting, but it's a lot of fun.

Playful/Popular Sanguine - being bright and lively, sanguine personalities are usually drawn to colorful clothing.  They love to shop and tend fill their shopping bags with flamboyant and eye-catching styles. They often adorn themselves with accessories such as bulky and dangly jewelry, unique shoes, and large handbags that carry everything but the kitchen sink (and they'd probably carry that too if there was enough room.) If you need an aspirin, a paper clip, or a wrench, find a sanguine.

I have an adorable  college-aged niece who exudes the sanguine personality. We recently attended a funeral and she wore a black, spaghetti strap dress with a tight bodice and a puffy knee-length skirt. She accessorized with a black head piece and gold high heels. (She uses a variation of the same outfit for evening weddings.) She did, however, leave her three-foot, backpack purse at home.

Sanguine males aren't always as easy to identify as their female counterparts. If you see a man or boy with rainbow suspenders, a bright tie funky socks or unique designs on their clothes, you may be looking at a sanguine.

Meet the Personalities

Have you ever had a rattle in your car that you couldn't identify? An unidentified rattle drives me crazy. But, if I can figure out what is causing it, the mystery disappears as does my insanity.

People and personalities are a lot like rattles; people tend to annoy us more until we understand why they do the things they do. In other words, they don't drive us as crazy when we hold the key that unlocks the mystery of their "rattles."

The Personalities is that key. They were first observed by several Greek thinkers before Christ was born. These thinkers noticed that people fell into four distinct categories. They attributed the differences between each group to the bodily fluids they thought dominated a person's make up. Although it's since been proven that genetics predetermines an individual's personality and environment shapes it, the Greek names orginally used to identify each group have stood the test of time and are still used today. So without further ado, let's meet The Personalities.

The Popular/Playful SANGUINE - the word sanguine is from the Greek word meaning "blood". Sanguine personalities are so named because the early Greek thinkers thought these people had red-hot blood coursing through their veins. Sanguine people are bright and lively and tend to be fun-loving and outgoing. They are the most playful of the four personalities types.

The Powerful CHOLERIC - choleric personalities are very goal oriented and usually accomplish any goal they set for themselves. The name choleric (pronounced like "collar" on a shirt) comes from the Greek word that referred to the yellow bile that was thought to dominate this group's bodily fluids. Choleric people tend to be intense and sometimes bossy, but if you want a job done and done right, call a choleric.

Welcome to "Purely Personalities"

Have you ever been around someone with an annoying personality trait? It could something as simple as a person who is more loud and boisterous than you like. Perhaps they tend to be a tad more bossy than you're comfortable with or maybe they are just so organized, it drives you crazy.

These scenarios aren't uncommon and don't mean there is something wrong with you, me, or anyone else; we're just different. God knew exactly what He was doing when He made us all unique individuals. Can you imagine how dull the world would be if we were all alike?

UNDERSTANDING OTHERS

Understanding The Personalities helps us understand each other. Ephesians 4:29 says:

"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers" (NKJV).

When we understand another person's personality it is much easier to encourage them because we know the most effective and gracious way to approach that individual. Since becoming a certified personality trainer I use my knowledge of The Personalities to guide and instruct my two teen-aged sons. I don't try to change them, but I teach them by capitalizing on their strengths and refining the weaknesses inherent to each of their personalities. The best part is, they don't see me as a critical mother since I'm using tried, true, and effective principles. The same method works when dealing with people outside our families. In both cases we can all feel more confident following the instructions of Ephesians 4:29 when we understand The Personalities.

Intro: Purely Personalities

Ever noticed people are different from you? "Purely Personalities" unlocks the mystery behind the variety of traits God has given His children. The "Personalities" is a practical tool to use with family, friends, and anyone else you may encounter.

By, Shona Neff
Column Posted every 1st and 3rd Wednesday of the Month. Also a group in CWTR here.