Valentine's Day has come and gone, but love endures forever. Sometimes that is easier to say than to believe, especially if your personality is completely different from that of your Prince Charming husband. Believe it or not, most people do marry their direct opposite because, like the premise made famous by Tom Cruise in the movie Jerry McGuire, our opposites do complete us.
So, in honor of the February, the love month, let's explore the different characteristics of each of the Personality Princes.
Prince Sanguine
If we can remember that a sanguine person's basic desire is to have fun and their emotional needs include attention, approval, affection, and acceptance we can better understand the sanguine husband...especially if you do not share the same personality.
The sanguine hubby tends to be spontaneous, creative, and fun. This is evident in everyday life and life in the bedroom (or possibly other fun and funky locations.) They love whimsical activities and games and often have as many words as women that they need to speak in a given day. That's why the sanguine personality is known as the talker.
Although the sanguine prince in your life is full of fun he will probably have some traits that will drive you crazy. They do not like to read instructions and will jump from project to project or task to task until they completely forget what they are suppose to be doing. Most sanguine personalities (male and female, alike) are not cleaning machines when it comes to household chores; they are easily distracted by activities that show more promise in the "fun" department. But, if you can get your prince charming to actually help and accomplish something on your "honey-do" list, give him lots of praise for a job well done and take him bungee jumping or out to get ice cream.
My youngest son, Eric, is a typical sanguine. He is going to be a fun-loving husband, but will need a wife who understands how easily distracted he is when it comes to household responsibilities. However, on the upside, his wife is going to be blessed with a husband who wants to talk and giggle as much as she does. And, all indications are that Eric is going to be the funnest daddy in the neighborhood. He is a kid magnet. The boys he babysits absolutely love his goofy side and Eric loves to get his hands dirty with kid's activities. Prince Sanguine will be full of fun and forever young at heart.
Prince Choleric
Prince Choleric is a wonderful guy, but he does not always come across as the famous Prince Charming. The choleric personality has a basic desire to be in control. Their emotional needs include loyalty, a sense of control, appreciation, and credit for work.
Your choleric prince can sometimes be a little bossy because he tends to be so mission minded. He always sees projects that need to be done and they must be done his way. Choleric hubbies tend to be high energy and will do everything on your "to-do" list even before you make the "to-do" list.
My husband, Warren, is a classic choleric. As is typical with most choleric personalities, I never have to give him a "honey-do" list. Choleric men aren't known for their romantic or soft-and-tender sides, but they demonstrate their love and affection by doing. If I casually mention something I want, the next thing I know Warren brings it to me or gets it done. One time I happened to mention it had been a while since I'd had a peanut butter cup and the next day, my choleric prince brought me one.
Choleric husbands are not ones to stop and smell the roses. When we take to the road for the weekend or for vacation, Warren is a very efficient traveler and plans any stops strategically...to avoid "accidents" in the car and to ward of starvation. Recently we were traveling home from visiting our son who is in college and Eric and I almost had to declare mutiny to get lunch. However, in true choleric form, Warren provided for us and, once we stopped, we had a feast. You've just gotta love the "git-er-done" guy. I know I love mine.
Prince Melancholy
If you want romance, Prince Melancholy is your guy. If there was a prize for Mr. Valentine, the melancholy would, more than likely, walk away with the trophy. This personality's basic desire it to achieve perfection and order. Their emotional needs include support from loved ones and friends, their own space, silence, and stability. If the melancholy prince plans something for Valentine's Day or any other romantic occasion, he will probably do it up right. Candles and soft music anyone?
Prince Melancholy usually dresses neatly and often very stylish so don't be surprised if he looks like he just stepped off a magazine cover. If you feel like running your fingers through his hair, beware: they may get stuck in his helmet of hairspray. Your melancholy hubby will actually help keep the house clean and tidy. However, if you are a sanguine wife you may not feel adequate up against his meticulous house cleaning abilities.
For as much as our melancholy prince seeks to achieve perfection, he is far from perfect. His quest for perfection and order may cause him to be overly critical of his wife who will often fall short of his expectations. Because of his sensitive nature, it's not unusual for Prince Melancholy to experience the blues and to brood when his emotional needs are not being met. Additionally, their high expectations often place an unnecessary burden on the husband/wife relationship.
However, it is the melancholy hubby who will remember important dates like anniversaries and birthdays. They are totally committed to their loved ones and tend to be loving and protective of any children in the family. And, remember the Valentine prize they would win? They are very romantic when it comes to spending special time with their wife. Prince Melancholy will sweep you off your feet!
Prince Phlegmatic
If you want the king of relaxation, marry a phlegmatic. This Personality Prince is laid back, patient, and agreeable. His basic desire it to have peace and his emotional needs include quiet, feelings of worth, lack of stress, and respect. He may let Prince Choleric slay all the dragons and Prince Melancholy sweat all the details, but Prince Phlegmatic will wrap you in a cloak of stability, show you patience, and is not demanding.
This hubby is easy going and will roll with any punches people or life throws at your marriage. He tends to seek special event "intimacy" (anniversaries and birthdays) and will rarely wake you in the middle of the night because he is feeling amorous...he's too busy sleeping. Prince Phlegmatic's interest include vegging (preferably in front of the television) and avoiding a long or complex "honey-do" list. Like I said, they are the kings of relaxation.
I have a friend who is married to a wonderful phlegmatic man. She marvels at all the household activities my Prince Choleric accomplishes and wishes her prince was as driven as Warren. I look at her husband and wish that mine could relax a little more. We are both blessed with our own princes, but it isn't unusual for women to admire traits in their friend's husbands. But if we understand The Personalities, we will also appreciate the wonderful things that made us fall in love with our own princes.
The phlegmatic prince in your life does not like conflict. It can be difficult to engage him in conversation if you need to discuss a difficult issue. Sometimes, because they are too accommodating, they can lose their own identity or let the kids in the family run over them. However, if Prince Phlegmatic marries his opposite personality (choleric) she will take care of insubordinate kids.
This article just touches the tip of the iceberg when it comes to The Personalities and marriages. If you are interested in learning more on this excellent and important subject Personality Plus for Couples by Florence Littauer is a must read. It includes what I have shared here and goes much deeper. If you are interested in discussing marriage and how personalities affect them, visit the Purely Personalities group over at Christian Women Take Root. Marriage isn't easy, but understanding your spouses personality can make it less difficult.
(c)2009 Shona Neff
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