Take Root and Write

Grace for the Military Wife

It's 5 p.m. and you've had one crisis after another all day. The kids are whining that they're hungry, your house looks like a F-3 tornado touched down, and the laundry is piled to the ceiling. Your youngest has just dropped the jug of milk and its exploded all over the kitchen floor. All you want to do is grab your hair and scream. Or better yet, run to your room, lock yourself in, and cry.

Here's the kicker...you're only three months into a year long deployment. Now is when you begin to slap yourself for marrying into the military. You feel you weren't made to handle this kind of stress. God didn't create you to handle the stress. No, He made you to worship Him and let Him carry the burdens.

As Christians we forget the only reason we suffer under the pressure of stress is because we take it on ourselves to do it all. Humans want to feel in control of their lives. Deployments for military wives set in motion the urge to focus on controlling everything around us when there is so much uncertainty.

Interview with author Sharon Gillenwater

 

To continue with my last two articles on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), I'm talking today with Sharon Gillenwater about her new release, Jenna's Cowboy. While the book is labeled as a Christian romance, it's also the story of a wounded solider recently returned from several tours in Afghanistan and Iraq. Sharon delved deeply into the mindset of the soldier suffering from PTSD and those around him. I found this book a perfect follow up on my PTSD series.

Winter: Tell us a little bit about your book, Jenna's Cowboy.

Sharon: It's a book about faith, second chances in life and in love for two people who have been deeply wounded emotionally. When Nate Langley returns to Callahan Crossing, Texas after serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, all he wants is peace and a normal life. And, God willing, to marry the only woman he's ever loved, Jenna Callahan Colby. But how can he promise Jenna forever when he may be losing his mind? Jenna has gone through a devastating divorce, and she's leery of relationships. But Nate is the one man who will never hurt her. She is deeply touched by his tenderness with her and his love for her little boy. She sees that he is hurting and rallies her family to figure out how to help him.

Winter: What's the story behind the book?

Sharon: Every week there are signs up around our small Washington town welcoming home someone in the armed forces. One day as I glanced at one of the reader boards, Nate's face popped into my mind. Not the handsome hunk on the book cover, but close enough—and I knew I was supposed to write about a returning vet. I grew up on a ranch in West Texas, and I have a deep love for that part of the country and the people who live there. It's fitting that my war vet hero is a cowboy since many of them serve their country in the military.

I Don't Know You Anymore Part 2

In the previous article on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), I gave you a glimpse into the lives of a military couple and a soldier who were dealing with war related PTSD. You can read the first part here.

Suicide related deaths in the military are on the rise. While there are no solid studies on how many of theses suicides are results of PTSD, it's heavily estimated that more than half are because of PTSD. In November of 2007 CBS news did a state-by-state survey of the number of veteran suicides. This was their findings:

"In 2005, for example, in just those 45 states, there were at least 6,256 suicides among those who served in the armed forces. That’s 120 each and every week, in just one year.

Dr. Steve Rathbun is the acting head of the Epidemiology and Biostatistics Department at the University of Georgia. CBS News asked him to run a detailed analysis of the raw numbers that we obtained from state authorities for 2004 and 2005.

It found that veterans were more than twice as likely to commit suicide in 2005 than non-vets. (Veterans committed suicide at the rate of between 18.7 to 20.8 per 100,000, compared to other Americans, who did so at the rate of 8.9 per 100,000.)

One age group stood out. Veterans aged 20 through 24, those who have served during the war on terror. They had the highest suicide rate among all veterans, estimated between two and four times higher than civilians the same age. (The suicide rate for non-veterans is 8.3 per 100,000, while the rate for veterans was found to be between 22.9 and 31.9 per 100,000.)"

Those were only for the years of 2004-2005. Imagine what the numbers are now almost four years later.

I Don't Know You Anymore Part 1

This is the face of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

For three years, Amy* didn't sleep, she dozed waiting for those first screams from her husband, Jim*. The nightmares and cold sweats were a nightly event. Amy had to learn how to bring Jim back from his memories of Iraq and the IED's going off in his dreams. Constantly repeating he was home, in his bed, with her would break the stranglehold on his mind.

After too many near accidents on the road, Amy would drive. The safety of her two children and herself was at stake. When Jim had driven, he would return to Iraq. The gravel shoulders had been grated up, looking exactly like the detonator trails leading to the roadside bombs. Jim would swerve into the other lane to avoid the bomb. Thankfully, the times this occurred there were no oncoming vehicles. Even after Amy took over the driving, Jim would sit tensed up, waiting for the bombs to explode. Amy's  mantra of the world around them being green was the only way Jim could bring himself back from Iraq.

Public places with large crowds were impossible. If they went to a restaurant, Jim had to sit with his back to the wall. His attention was never focused on Amy, he was constantly watching the people passing by, looking for hidden weapons and certain hand movements. He couldn't turn off his high state of alertness.

Jim retreated from his family. He spent more time with his friends, and drank more. Only to feel guilty about neglecting his family. Jim was searching for that brotherhood he had with his fellow soldiers, and still is.

In Case You Forgot

By the time this goes to publication a significant point in American history has passed. And I will have attended and welcomed home another National Guard unit on that most poignant day. I'm sure many of you know what I'm talking about. Many of you lived through it and can recall details of that day.

As the wife of a soldier, September 11^th holds a harrowing and significant place in my life. Like hundreds of thousands, I watched in horror that Tuesday morning as two towers in New York City burned and collapsed to the ground, killing thousands. I feared what this meant for Americans and the lives of our military men and women. Because, I daily live the reminder of that day. A day that cost me a year of my married life with my husband. And could cost me another year, or something worse.

Yet, even though this attack was meant to do our country horrific harm, something great came out of it. Lives were spared, both physically and spiritually. God turned something evil into something holy. People who had ridden the fence when it came to their eternal lives found God and today they're walking with Jesus. Others who had known God all their lives reaffirmed their beliefs and love of the Lord. Patriotism walked alongside Christianity once more. Though, I have to admit, only for a short time.

Things to Consider When Sending Care Packages

It's been awhile since I've had to send a care package, but I thought it best to give some sound advice for those of you still sending. Whether it's your own soldier, or a friend, or someone you don't even know, these suggestions come in real handy.

First and foremost, know your soldier. Know what their likes are and what they need the most. Hubby kept a running list of things for me, but they usually ran along the lines of dried fruit and nuts, and new blades for his electric razor. Keep a note on what type of razor they have, or you'll end up like me buying the wrong kind!

When sending a box of things in general, DO NOT pack soap or other chemicals with food. The chemicals and smell will leech into the food and it will taste and smell like whatever was packed with it. In my hubby's case, he didn't need soap, the base he was on kept a good supply at the PX. If your soldier is in an area where it's hard to get a hold of soap and the likes, then send all of that in a separate box. There's nothing a soldier hates more than getting his or her favorite food and finding it tainted by soap. Yuck!

Homemade cookies can make your soldier a star. Some of them get a good meal everyday on the bases they're on, but nothing beats something from home. The best time to send cookies with chocolate in them is during the late fall, winter, and early spring months in places like Iraq and Afghanistan. The chocolate will melt and leak through the box, or get all over everything. Rice Krispy treats, oatmeal cookies, and your rolled cookies like sugar cookies work best in the hot months. I vacuum sealed my cookies right after I baked them and mailed them within the next day. You never know how long the box will sit in a warehouse before it reaches your solider. Yet stale cookies will still be a hit. It's from home after all.

This Ain't About the Esteem

 A few weeks ago, I made a comment on my Twitter account that went along these lines:

"Being married to a soldier isn't about esteem or glory, it's blood, sweat, and a whole lot of tears. If you can't handle it, don't marry into it."

Much can be said of marrying any one. But the military lifestyle is so much more than parades and those second looks people give you as you walk by with your man when he's in uniform. It's more than bragging about having a soldier, marine, or sailor for yourself. And it's far beyond you making the decisions on how your life will go once you're married. Hero worship will not sustain you.

Yeah, I know. It's a really cool high to know you're the one a military man has set his sights on. And believe me, the very image of a man in uniform can make any woman get weak-kneed and make her heart race. It did me. Still does, despite the ACUs being my husband's suit and tie five days a week. Something about that Alpha male persona just oozes from military men when they walk around in uniform. And let's face it ladies, in some way or another we're attracted to that. Even Beta males can carry off the impression of being top dog.

And who doesn't love the idea of being swept off your feet by that man and carried off to some exotic place like Germany, Korea, Japan, or Italy? A ripped body, commanding voice, and the ultimate sex symbol all yours. Oh, and let's not forget the little perks like free housing, a constant source of income, and low cost shopping. Yeah, you've got it made, and you might not have to get a job, cause your military man's pay check is enough.

Sure you might have to consider those pesky things like war and training exercises. Big deal. He'll still come home every night for dinner. Right?

My Daddy Fights for Freedom

Wives, mothers, and girlfriends have a hard time coping with the absence of their soldier during a deployment. But there is one demographic I haven't touched on. . .

The children.

Many of today's soldiers are family men. When they deploy they not only leave behind a wife, they leave behind their kids. As adults, we have the means to learn how to cope with the emotional effects of our husband's absence. But the dagger to our hearts, is seeing our kids suffer when they want their Daddy and he's not home. Kids don't always understand why things happen the way they do, and young children will never be able to understand why their dad can't be there with them.

I found ways to help my own kids deal with the absence of their father. I'll share here. Take into consideration the age group of your child. Some of ideas won't work on a teenager, or a college student. But many of them will help no matter the age.

I Support the Troops, but Not the War: What to do with Naysayers

 The most frustrating thing a soldier, and a military wife has to hear is the constant barge of people who don't want to repeat the mistakes of civilians during Vietnam. "We support our troops, but not this war." Then what do you really support?

This statement stems out of the disrespectful treatment soldiers were given when they returned from war in Vietnam. Imagine how these men felt when they stepped off that plane and found themselves spit on, screamed at, called "baby killers', and many other shameful things, some too horrifying to repeat here. Our generation doesn't want to be that way. We want to find a better way to show honor to our men and women.

Yet, it's a slap in the face of all who serve when you flippantly say you support them, but not their cause. Then what is it you really support?

I've had a hard time biting my tongue when this statement is thrown at me, and I don't even serve in the Army. It floors me that people will so willingly use it, right in front of a soldier to boot. We all want our men and women to come home. We even want the war to end. But we're fighting an enemy who will not stop until they've achieved their goal.

Remembering Those Who Gave All

 At the time of this posting Memorial day has passed. How'd you spend it? Did you find a Memorial day ceremony given by the local VFW? Or did you visit the cemetery and pay your respects to the fallen member of your family who served during war? Or did you simply enjoy the day off from school and work, never giving a second thought to what the day means?

In my last article I talked about the procedure for a military funeral. Today, I want to show you the history of Memorial Day. If you take away one thing from this article, it's how to remember those who gave their all for the right to live free.

Originally called Decoration Day, the ceremony of laying flowers or wreaths on the tombstones of slain Civil War soldiers is believed to have started by organized groups of women in the South long before the war ended. This practice eventually led General John A. Logan to officially proclaim on May 5, 1868 the first Memorial Day to recognize not a division but a reconciliation, to come together and honor those who gave their all. The first Memorial Day observation was held on May 30, 1868 when flowers were placed on the graves of both Union and Confederate soldiers.

The first state to recognize it as a holiday was New York in 1873. Slowly each state followed, and by 1890 most of the states observed Memorial Day. However, the southern states refused to observe the day, choosing their own days instead. They held to this practice until war broke out again in World War I. Memorial Day went from honoring only those who died during the Civil War to all wars. Now every state celebrates it on the last Monday in May. It was officially passed by Congress in 1971 to make it a federal three day holiday. Those southern states that fought in the Civil War have separate days when they remember their Confederate soldiers.

On Behalf of a Grateful Country

You're watching your local news station, catching up on the latest in your community. Then you hear the awful news. Another soldier has died in combat, be it IED, or insurgent attacks. Your heart goes out to the family as they cope with the loss, maybe you say a little prayer. Then the news anchor moves onto the next topic and by the end of the news cast you've forgotten someone gave their life so you can be free and secure.

I'm not hounding you on the issue. I admit, I forget about it sometimes too. But in my world, it's an all too real reality that gets shoved to the wayside or I'll buckle under the pressure.

War brings death. The cost of freedom means sacrifice. To know you can sleep in a bed at night because rough men stand ready at the door, willing to lay it down for you, someone they don't even know.

"On behalf of a grateful country." Poignant words spoken as a folded American flag is handed to the grieving widow or mother of a fallen soldier.

Keeping the Spark During Deployment

Deployment brings about many changes in a married couple's lives. Depending on your husband's  branch of the military,  deployments can last anywhere from six months to eighteen months. During that time both of you will find the physical intimacy you shared will go into hyper drive because of depravity.  There are ways you can keep that flame fanned while your husband is a thousand miles away. I'll share  a few of my secrets that really helped our marriage.

While my husband was deployed I had a hard time walking past a man. I'd catch a whiff of his cologne and tear up, especially if it was the same brand as my husband's. In the middle of church services, if a man sat in front of me and placed his arm around his wife or significant other, I'd sit and stare at the lines and contours of his hand, missing my husband greatly. I'd see a man with his wife, or girlfriend, kissing and holding hands and my heart would render in two, because I wasn't getting that physical closeness. With all this flying around me, I felt like the odd woman out when not so long ago I was part of the crowd.

Deployments can totally wreak havoc on your sex life. And it's a prime opportunity for Satan to attack!

Interview with Wives of Faith Founder Sara Horn Pt. 2

Continued from the 1st part here.

Winter: When you first created Wives of Faith what were your goals with the group and how have they changed from the start?

Sara: When we first started WoF, we did it with three goals in mind: connecting, encouraging, and supporting military wives. Our intention is for it to be a group for military wives regardless whether you're going through a deployment or not, but we usually see most of our active members when they're going through deployments and I've noticed in our local chapters that they run in cycles based on deployment. In our first group, we had a mix of Reserve/Guard and active duty wives who were in Nashville living with their families while their husbands were gone. In addition to monthly meetings, we met once a week at a local McDonald's with a playland because many of the ladies had small children and weren't working. Those were really fun times.

Now that we're in our third year of doing this, we've expanded our online presence and I would say it has grown quicker than our local chapters. Women are very busy, with families and all of the other things we juggle, and sometimes it's hard to make it to a meeting. That's one reason we've started doing video lessons online, basically taking the topics I speak on and putting them on our blog so anyone can be involved. Our goal is still to connect, encourage and support, but our mission has been refined. This is our mission statement: As Wives of Faith, we seek to encourage spiritual growth in all military wives. We are a place of refuge and peace, a place where wives can find connections with others and grow in their walks with God as they face the challenges of military life.

Interview with Wives of Faith Founder Sara Horn Pt. 1

During the latter half of my husband's deployment I stumbled across this blog through a website that an author friend of mine had some articles published with. Contributing author of A Greater Freedom, Sara Horn had started a group for Christian military wives. Suddenly, I found myself wishing I had known about this sooner. What Sara started grew from a small group of women to nation wide into what is known as Wives of Faith.

It's my pleasure to introduce you to a Naval Reservist wife, mother, author, and founder, Sara Horn.

Winter: Tell a little about yourself and how long you've been a military wife.

Sara: Let's see ... my husband and I have been married 11 years this summer and we got engaged the Christmas after he got back from boot camp for the Navy Reserves. So, I've technically been a military wife for more than 10 years, but to be honest, I never saw myself that way until Cliff's first deployment in 2007. We have one son who will be 8 this month. I work from home as a writer/author and I'm the founder of Wives of Faith, a faith-based military wives support organization. For background, my first real experience with the military wasn't with my husband's deployment but the two trips I took to Iraq in 2003. I was on-board an aircraft carrier covering stories of sailors on-board during the first week of the Iraq War, and then I went back to Baghdad in November of that year to cover additional stories for Baptist Press and these stories were later put into a book I did with Oliver North called: A Greater Freedom: Stories of Faith From Operation Iraqi Freedom (2004, B&H). I later started a faith-based news site called AGreaterFreedom.com which covers the positive stories not always seen in mainstream media. I had interviewed military spouses of the service members I met overseas, but had never really seen myself as a military spouse until my husband's first deployment was announced. My husband's unit is four hours away and I have been on the base probably a handful of times in the last eleven years he's been in.

So, You Wanna Enlist in the Army?

In light of the recent controversy over Army mom Lisa Pagan's return to active duty, I wanted to give you an insider's look at what really happens when someone enlists in the Army. The way the media has portrayed this event and others has left a sour taste in many people's mouths.

I've read the article concerning Lisa Pagan's story and the stance she took was that her four years of commitment were enough and that the Army had no right to call her back to duty since she had two small children. If you read the contract she signed, she didn't sign up just for four years and that's it.

Standard Army enlistments are one of two things. If you enlist regular Army you can serve out the full term (eight years), and if you don't re-enlisted during that time, you're done; finished, contractual agreement full-filled. The probability of you being recalled is low, it just depends on what the contract said.

Or, if you wish, when you enlist you can serve anywhere from two to four years regular Army, then in those remaining years you serve with a Reserve unit or National Guard unit, this is called the IRR, or individual ready reserve. The IRR doesn't mean you're done and no one can make you deploy. All it means is you must finish your contractual agreement with the Army by serving in the Guard or Reserves until your enlistment time is up. If you're recalled in that time, you must return; it's part of the agreement. Why is this so difficult for people to understand?

War Torn Lives Pt. 2

In part one of "War Torn Lives", I talked about how war affects an American military family. This time around I'm going to show you how war affects those lives of the people in the war zone. I'll state it again, everything about the way we live and how we handle things, take it and throw it out the window. Because you're about to get a glimpse the lives of people from a different culture and mindset.

Half-way through my husband's tour in Iraq, the media and our government began to grow testy with the Iraqi people and their newly formed government. For several years Americans were demanding that our troops be removed from Iraq and our focus turned elsewhere. We were losing too many lives to insurgents and it looked as though we had lost the war, so why stay. Sorry, people, but we didn't lose and that's not how the Iraqi people felt.

Had we pulled out when the American media and the public demanded, Iraqi would have faced the worst civil war it has ever experienced. Many of us have never known a life of fear and persecution. For many Iraqi's they had known nothing but death, fear, persecution, and poverty. After England pulled out and left the country to itself, there have been power struggles of many kinds until Saddam Hussein took over, then real trepidation set in. Being from a minority Islamic party, Saddam made it known how much he hated anyone not Sunni.

Now imagine if you will, your country has been overrun by another, they've freed you from tyranny, but death and destruction still rains down on you. It would make any sane person angry. Oddly enough, when watching the news, I found that the reporters sought out the ones not happy with the American troops before they talked to the people who were rejoicing at our presence.

War Torn Lives Pt. 1

While my husband was serving in Iraq a sticker adorned my front screen door, just above the blue star flag. The clear sticker had an image of a heart, one half red, the other half in an Army camouflage pattern. Scrolled across the image were the words, 1/2 my Heart is in Iraq.

Half of my heart was gone, along with half my soul, half my pair, and half of the team. My family's life was torn in two while my husband was at war. War tears so many things in half.

In this column and the next I'm going to talk about the effects of war on Americans and the civilians in the countries we're fighting. I'm going to show you a side that the media doesn't always spend enough time on.

And I'm going to give you a good reason to see the war in Iraq differently than any way you've seen it before. I might climb on my soap box, but know it's not to beat you over the head with rhetoric. It's to show you just what the Iraqi people are like and how they see our occupation of their country. Remember, America is unique in its own way, don't take your mindset and compare it to others, or you'll have a hard time understanding.

First, let's explore the American side of this two front war. Right now a new president sits in the office, asking that our troops be removed from Iraq. For some it's too little, too late. For others its about time. Those families who have sacrificed their soldier's presence in their lives numerous times are ready to keep them home. Nothing strains relationships more than war and combat.

TBI--Traumatic Brain Injury, Educate Yourself

I found this informative e-mail from a blog I frequent called Bombshelter, the blog author received it from a group called the Patriotic Pillow Project. The e-mail touches on an issue that has become an all too real situation for some returning soldiers and their families. Please read further, then check out the YouTube videos suggested.

Supporters of our Military Community,

Please I implore you to watch this informative series of segments dealing with and teaching us about Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)!! This is a signature injury sustained by possibly 25% of our young service men and women that are in the field overseas. We must improve the knowledge base of the general public to be more patient, understanding and protective of these healing heroes. There may be someone in your own community that is grappling with the devastating multiple complexities of TBI. There has been and always will be a special place in my heart for these brave survivors. Many are angels returned to us from the other side whom in any other war wound have perished. They are gifts from God and themselves and their families deserve our unfaltering commitment and support.

I Love Being a Soldier's Wife

 

There's a saying among military personnel and their civilian counterparts: military wives have the toughest job.

Yes, our husbands do what many can not: they serve our country in times of war and peace. They're at the beck and call of the Commander and Chief, and, if they are National Guard,the governor of the state they serve in. Our husbands, and for some of you, your sons, could die in combat, paying the ultimate sacrifice so we don't have to. It's hard work.

But we wives have it harder. And never being one to back down from a challenge, I found this more difficult than anything I've faced before. And yet, I love being the wife of a military man. Let me count the ways.

Perks ... they're great, but I didn't marry into this for the perks; trying to keep pride in check here...I like to be recognized for being a soldier's wife. When people find out that I'm the mother of four with a husband that is deployed they always say, "Oh, honey, you've got a hard job. How do you do it?" And my answer always is: "I just do it." Being the mother of twins right off bat, you learn to just do it, cause if you don't, it doesn't get done.

Cons ... well, let's just say they can be frustrating. And many a marriage has been in jeopardy because of them. But in mine, they're just extra things to work through, get past, and move beyond; like in any marriage. Every husband and wife has different things they consider cons. If you've found yours learn how to cope and deal with them.

Book Review: Two Wars by Nate Self

Happy Thanksgiving y'all. When you're going around the table today giving thanks, remember to thank God for all our Service Men and Women serving now and in the past for the freedoms and rights you were given today. And remember those who couldn't be home this holiday because they are doing what only few can do--giving their all.

On to my review.

Two Wars, by former Army Captain Nate Self is a hard hitting book on the battle of Takur Ghar aka Rescue on Roberts Ridge, and his fight against Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

From a Veteran

I planned to give you a book review today, but then I realized what Tuesday was and decided this would be more along the lines of what I wanted to talk about today. Last year, after returning from Iraq, my husband was asked to speak at a Veteran's Day ceremony. The following is the speech he gave to a small crowd. A year has passed since that Sunday evening and things have greatly improved in Iraq since my husband returned home. But the same thoughts could be said even today.

Ladies and Gentlemen as we gather to remember and give thanks to our veterans I’d like to talk about a commonly asked question. Many people want to know from my perspective if what we are doing in Iraq is worthwhile. My family, friends, acquaintances and sometimes complete strangers all want to know more than anything if I think we are doing the right thing. I’ll be honest, while over there sometimes I wondered. I wondered “what are we doing here?” “Are we doing any good?” “It doesn’t seem so.” But today I’d like you to come with me on a quick trip through history and I will show you that while military service is rarely fun, and often demanding, the US military has a long proud history of doing the right thing.

I’ll start with Vietnam. The Vietnam War was full of controversy and many thought the U.S. was waging an “unjust” and “fruitless” war. Periodically I hear some compare Iraq to Vietnam. I spoke to a Malaysian man once. I was in uniform. He told me Thank-you. I was somewhat puzzled and asked “What for?” He said “You Americans, you think you lost Vietnam”, then he continued “But had the U.S. not stood up to Communism in Vietnam, Malaysia was next.” That discussion hit me hard, and to this day no one can tell me, Vietnam was “fruitless”. Thank you to all Vietnam Vets for doing the right thing. Thank you Korean War Vets and World War 2 Vets. I cannot imagine the difficulty in being drafted. I now know its tough to deploy soldiers to a foreign land in an all-volunteer Army. I know this because I wasn’t crazy about going to a foreign land. Yet we all voluntarily signed our enlistment papers. I knew full well the risk I took by enlisting. Thank you for doing the right thing, for going to war even if you didn’t want to. You still are and will always be the Greatest Generation.

Imagine the President today trying to get support for a war that would last four long years, cost more than 600,000 lives, on an inflation adjusted basis more than 100 billion dollars, countless damage to families, utter destruction to personal property. Be honest, give yourself a gut-check and tell me. Would such a war be worth it?

Grants, the USO, and a Helping Hand

I wanted to take today and show you all the different grants and organizations out there that support our military, veterans, and the families. Since 9/11 and the out break of the War on Terror a lot of new non-profit organizations were created to help those fighting and the ones left behind. They fully depend on our support and giving to help the men and women of our armed forces. And being on the receiving end of such organizations I whole heartedly support these people. Take a few moments today or this week to click on the links and check out these great sights.

Grants: National Guard families are given a state grant after their soldier has deployed. In a way this kinda of like a huge lump sum of the Family Separation pay that the solider receives in their active duty pay. Every state is different in how they pay out to the families, but know that this money comes from you the tax payer. On your state tax form there should be a place where you can donate a certain amount of money from your tax refund to support this grant. I urge you to give, you never know what that grant could do for the family of a deployed National Guardsman.

There are many other grants given to wounded soldiers, the families of soldiers killed in combat, and disabled soldiers. The biggest supporter of these such incidents is Fisher House. Fisher House depends solely on the support and pledges of people and businesses to help soldiers and their families. If you Google "Grants for military families" you'll get a long list of different business and organizations that help.

In the Still of the Night

My kids are in bed. It’s been a trying day for me. I’ve run low on patience with them despite the few hours I’ve gotten for myself this week, it still has not been enough.

I’m lonely tonight. I need to talk to someone, face to face, and yet the one I want to talk to isn’t here. I stare at the phone, willing it to ring, but it won’t.

Oh God, why did I have to make this sacrifice?

I wish for just one e-mail, one phone call to let me know he’s still here. Something for me to get through the next week on.

Everyone who knows, asks, have you heard from him today. And I have to say no.

I know better. The first few months computer time and phone time are few and far in between. Soon, he’ll be over there, and the chances will increase. But I just don’t think I can make it that long.

The house is silent. The only sound you hear is the tick tack of the computer keys as I write this. He’s only been gone a week, and I already miss his voice, the feel of his presence and the comfort of knowing I won’t be in bed alone.

Oh, God it hurts.

Just one word, one e-mail. It’s all I ask. Please.

I wrote those words exactly a week after my husband started mobilization training. I would have countless more nights like that in the months and year to come.

They Humble Me

I don't have to say much today. This video says it all, spanning nearly two centuries of warfare. My hat's off to the composer and singer, Sandy Riggers.

Words from the composer, Sandy Riggers:

I See America is a military tribute. I wrote the song about ten years ago with the intention of focusing solely on our troops and veterans. In the last few years I have been piecing together clips from Dept. of Defense videos, etc., to try and include every major U.S. conflict from the Revolutionary War to our current War on Terror. It has been a tedious process, but definitely a labor of love. I hope and pray this tribute will reach a multitude of our precious troops and veterans. God bless them all, they deserve so much more than we could ever give them.

Thank You Ten Times Over

Recently I was at our local Wal-Mart grocery shopping and witnessed something that has become common place around me. Let me set the scene for you:

My husband works for a local a National Guard base. Every weekend for the past six months there have been several units in and out of there as they prepare to deploy to Afghanistan. When the soldiers have a bit of down time, or need to run errands they head to the nearest Wal-Mart. You can count on one thing when you step off base in uniform, a civilian will stop you and shake your hand, thank you for your service and tell you to keep it up.

That Saturday morning I saw a patriotic citizen stop two soldiers, and shake their hands. I was too far away to hear what he said, but I’ve heard it over and over when I'm with my husband as it happens to him. "Thank you for serving. Thank you for sacrificing a lot for me. And thank you for never giving up."

Makes my eyes well up every time and pride swell my chest. I’m the luckiest gal on the planet because I’m married to this man.

But life as a deployed “single” mother sucks!

Usually when the family is thanked, it's for standing behind their soldiers  by the commanding officers and people in a political positions. We sacrifice a lot right beside our men and women. I’m not often thanked for what I’ve had to do. Comments usually revolve around how tough it is and how do I do it alone. Yeah, it’s tough and I’ve learned to make do on my own. My husband had the foresight to prepare me.

One day, I received a shock. In front of everyone in my Sunday school class, after a visitor discovered my current plight, he thanked me for sacrificing my husband for a year so he could help people in Iraq. I had a hard time swallowing.

Normally, we military wives don’t ask for much. (Makes for some difficult situations because we’re a strong, stubborn lot.) But to hear a thank you now and again goes a long way for us.

Makes me wonder how Jesus feels when we forget what He sacrificed. How often do we thank Him?

A Double-edged Sword

   

Mis-communication, frustration, and anger. A progressive cycle that all too many military families suffer from during deployment; an unhealthy cycle that can kill any relationship.

Many times during my husband’s deployment things were crisscrossed, not said, or told too late. Now, I’m not saying this happened just between my husband and myself alone. This was a common occurrence within the unit. Several times, soldiers were told after their families about changes going on, it led to a lot of confusion and anger. Or worse, spouses were making changes back home and not telling their soldiers what they were doing. I could only imagine the fights that erupted afterwards.

Before my husband left for Iraq we set down ground rules. I did what I could and moved on. I let him know only the things that were pertinent to him, leave everything else out of it. No changes, what-so-ever were to be made without his knowledge unless told beforehand. (ie.. I repainted our living room while he was gone, but I told him I planned to do it and that I wasn’t changing the color, just refreshing the paint. No problem.) Taxes would be taken care of by him—which I was grateful he did, because the W-2’s were not correct and I didn’t know it. If I couldn’t fix it, the base where he worked for would help me to their best of ability. (I had a furnace fan go out during the middle of a blizzard on one of the coldest days in Feb, ’07. Base guys couldn’t help, but the plumbing/heating people I’ve used before were out there in an hour, replaced it, and had me going again.)

Welcome to Our Reality

Let me give a brief—if that’s possible—introduction. I’m a country girl by heart and by nature. I grew up in small town America with big time dreams—since the age of 10 I wanted to be an author and I’m very close to living this dream. I lived a mediocre Christian life, not sure what it was, other than what the pastors at my church told me I was supposed to do. Then I met my husband and life turned upside down for me.

My wedding was nearly disrupted by NATO action in Kosovo, luckily nothing big came of that on the US side. From the first day of my marriage I lived under the reality that my husband could and would deploy at some point in our lives. I remembered National Guard members in my church who went to Desert Storm. I wasn’t blind to the fact that they weren’t immune to the long arm of the Commander and Chief.

September 11, 2001, 9/11 if you may, seared a hole in my heart and burned a place in my memories. War was on us. Yet, my husband remained at my side while many of his comrades-in-arms proved that you don’t wake a sleeping giant. I felt safe, secure in the knowledge that he would never see combat.

March 2003, our president declares war on Iraq, and Congress approves. My heart seized. War came knocking on my front door.

From that moment on, God used the destruction, the death, the anti-war protests, and the separation of loved ones to show me He was there all along waiting for me to really see Him. I had three years to prepare for my husband’s deployment where others had a few months, weeks, or even days. I learned some hard lessons on what it means to live in God’s control. And I found that peace comes not from our own attempts, but from His Son.

Prayer became a mainstay in our household, where once it had been a passing fancy. The Bible was a daily source drawn upon when I, and my children, needed comfort. But most of all, God’s presence was felt within and without.

Intro: She Wears Combat Boots Too

When our military men deploy, the wives left behind deploy too. We battle the scars of separation, PTSD, fear, and lonely nights where we wish to God our husbands were home in bed beside us. Join me as I relate my experiences as a Military Wife, and help those outside of the military lifestyle understand that She Wear Combat Boots Too.

By, Winter Peck
Column Posted Bi-monthly on the 2nd and 4th Thursday / Also a Group in CWTR, here.