Take Root and Write

A Time to Move On

 

"To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven: A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. A time to get and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to cast away. A time to rend and a time to sew, a time to keep silence and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace" (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 AMP). 

When I first heard those words I think it was on a commercial, then I became familiar with the song by Pete Seeger, Turn Turn Turn. I had no idea that he was singing scripture. I think this is one of the most comforting love letters God gives us in the Bible. He is telling us we will feel all these emotions even when we don't want to like hatred. We will mourn, but after a time we will dance. There will be times we will need to hold on to something or someone tight, and there will be times we need to let go even if we do not want to.  I am at one of those times in my life. Lately I have suffered from Can't Say No Syndrome and have overloaded my life. It has come to the point where I am spending less time with God and that is just not acceptable.

I have decided I need to wipe the slate clean and re-prioritize even if it means cutting things I love. So, after much prayer I have decided this will be my last article for Single Moms. Writing for Take Root and Write has been one of the most fun and exciting experiences of my life. When I prayed for a way to become useful, God sent me a wonderful visionary Noelle Mena. She gave me this opportunity a little over a year ago, and it has been such a blessing. Lately I just have not had the time to give this column my best, which also is just not acceptable. I still can not wait to meet her in person!

When I prayed for Godly women to come into my life, He sent me the fabulous Shona Neff, who became the editor of this powerhouse magazine you are enjoying today. I have been fortunate to have lunch or dinner with her every now and then when she makes it to town. She truly is a gem and I love keeping in touch with her on Face-book! She always has something nice or funny to say. If you are not her friend yet, I highly recommend it!

Gossip

 

I sometimes wonder if married moms get as wrapped up in their kids lives as some single moms do. Don't get me wrong, ALL moms need to be active participants in their children's lives and know what is going on at all times. ALL moms need to know who the friends are, where they are going, what the grades are, what they read, what they listen to, etc. I just wonder if married moms want to jump in and fix everything as much as single moms to.

My memory is terrible but I can vaguely remember my ex-husband telling me what normal boy behavior was every now and then and just to let some things go. I don't really have a male whose opinion I value, to bounce things off of; so I get more female opinions which almost always mirror my own. Yes, I have a job, and friends, and my own life, but since I don't have a spouse to tend to per say, my kids are next in line right under God.  I find myself wanting to fix everything that goes on in their daily lives. Even more so now that the older they get, the bigger their problems have become.

My daughter has always come home with stories of mean girls ever since kindergarten. Being a girl, I could relate and knew exactly what she was talking about. In my school days, those things did not happen until Junior High so I was not really expecting the intensity in elementary school, but I still knew what she was going through. It was easy to tell her to play with other friends, and not to worry who was going to be her friend the next day. Making sure she labeled all her stuff so no one would "mistake" it for theirs was really no big deal. Oh those were the days! Now, the kids are so vindictive!

Now that my son is in high school, also known as the rumor mill, I am hearing things from him too. Yes there were three years in there when he didn't want to talk to me at all let alone share what was going on in his life, but high school is a whole new ball game. Kids deal with so much these days. It just amazes me how eager and willing they are to destroy another persons life, out of misunderstanding, or even just for fun! They seem to take pleasure in it. Even the Christian kids at church jump on the bandwagon! What I am talking about here is gossip, or the sport of spreading rumors.

Rise to the Occasion

Did you know that a ten foot tall elephant that weighs up to five tons fully grown can be tied to a small branch with only a piece of twine as a restraint? And that it works? During the day the elephant can uproot full grown trees, haul huge boulders, and carry enormous loads. At night, they are kept in place by a small piece of string tied to a tiny branch. I did not believe this when I first read it so I did a little research. To my amazement I found it to be true!

I found that the elephant's training starts almost from the time it is born. It is removed from it's mother and shackled to a large tree with an iron chain. As a baby it is less powerful, and after a few weeks of struggling, starts to realize the attempt at freedom is useless. Slowly over a period of time, smaller chains and trees are used until eventually a piece of twine and small branch are that is needed to keep the large animal there. The elephant thinks that as long as there is something around their hind leg, it can not go anywhere. The training is complete, the invisible yet powerful shackles have been cemented around it's mind.

We all have our own mind shackles. Things we believe about ourselves that keep up from going after or reaching our goals. Some of them have been placed there by others, some we have put there ourselves. Some have even been placed there even after we found Jesus. After we found the truth, and yet, there they still are. If we know the enemy is the father of lies, why are we still slaves to can't? "And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:32 AMP). Why are we still allowing our children to quit?

Our mental restraints may be years and years in the making. They may take years and years to undo, but our children should not have any. Anything negative our children carry, should be easily undone. We can start to undo the mental shackles the world gives them of "You're not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or thin enough." With the truth Jesus came to give them, that they are wonderfully made in the image of God. And that they "can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13 NKJV). We can do it, we just need to rise to the occasion.

God Comes First

Our pastor has been teaching a series about things. When we hear the number one commandment, "You shall have no other gods before or besides Me" (Exodus 20:3 AMP) we usually think about things. We think about little gold images, or money. I have never before thought about activities or time. I have learned that anything you love more than God, can become your god. Even people! I never thought about this before. Our families can take the place of God in our lives. We have to be careful not to seat our children on the throne of our hearts where God should be.

This is a tricky one. Most people can say without hesitation they love their children with every fiber of their being. We want what's best for them, and usually always want better for them than we had for ourselves. How do you keep into perspective they are blessings given to us by God, for God, not to replace God? The story of Abraham and Isaac is a worship story to learn so that you can come back to it if you ever start feeling like you love your children above all else. 

Abraham was very old when God blessed him with a son Isaac. He started to love his son more than, and place him above God. God saw this and tested Abraham. God said, "Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region or Moriah; and offer him there as a burnt offering upon one of the mountains of which I will tell you (Genesis 22:2 AMP). Can you imagine? God knew He was being replaced in Abraham's heart. Abraham had to choose who was on the seat of his heart, God, or his son.

Do we allow our children to skip church, or even make us skip church for any reason? Do they have practice for their team? Are they too tired to go? Do they want to go hang out with friends instead? Are you just trying to keep the peace all the time by giving in to them instead of parenting them? Believe me I know all about wanting to keep the peace in a house with a teenager! You have to ask yourself what price you are willing to pay for that. Is that one argument worth your soul?

Tantrums

 

Have you ever been in a store and seen a child throwing a tantrum? Have you ever seen one get so out of control over nonsense, and it seems their parents are not going to do a darn thing so you want to go over there and take care of it yourself? I have! I bet you're not surprised I would say that. Manner-less kids drive me nuts! That might not be a very Christian thing to say but it's true.

This last weekend I went to a graduation full of manner-less kids. I know it is a sign of the times but that does not excuse the behavior or make it any better. When I was a kid, if you were at a wedding, funeral, graduation, or even church, and you were being loud, you were taken outside. Period. The adult you were with did not sit there and tell you to be quiet a hundred times. You were taken out, and if you made a scene out the door you were spanked. It was not even necessarily by your own parent either! 

This graduation ceremony was an important day for those who were receiving their diplomas. I am sure they wanted to hear their name called when it was their turn to go up. As I sat in the back trying to listen, I observed kids running up an down the isles, screaming, talking, I even saw a few adults talking and carrying on. If it was distracting for me, I can just imagine what the professors trying to talk up there were feeling. I sat there thinking to myself, "I can't believe this! How rude."

And of course I can't really get mad at the kids because they had to learn that behavior was acceptable from somewhere. Someone let the boundaries go when the children were testing the waters. Where did all the discipline go? I know I would never throw a fit in a store when I was little because I did not want to be taken to the bathroom to get spanked. Now I see kids in stores who tell their parents a slew of bad things loud enough for all to hear! It's crazy. What a spoiled generation we have become.

God Answers Prayer!

 

I will admit something to you all that I am not very proud of. I am not a patient person. I try. I try very hard. Sometimes I think God gave me children to in fact teach me patience. After fourteen years, I do not think I am any closer to being a patient person. The funny thing is, it is through prayer and patience that we are blessed. In this day and age of instant gratification, sometimes that's hard to grasp. "For ye have need of patience, that after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise" (Hebrews 10:36 NKJV).

God is however so patient with me. He constantly reminds me I need to be patient. Even recently when I was blessed to see Beth Moore with Shona Neff, Senior Editor of TRW, her message touched on patience! She talked about Hannah who waited year after year for her child. And He does remind me that patience is faith. You have to have faith that God will answer your prayer. Even if He tells you no, or takes longer than you want Him to, He will answer you. "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength" (Isaiah 40:31 NKJV).  

I once even went so far as to look up how many times the word patience is mentioned in the Bible. It is in there thirty three times! And the word long-suffering which means the same thing is in there seventeen. So I don't know about you but when something is mentioned fifty times, I think we should pay attention! Yes the microwave is one of my favorite inventions but in this day and age of instant gratification, I can't be the only one who struggles with this. I am here to say waiting on your prayers to be answered is hard!

Well, today I am going to tell you about my answered prayers. It took three long (and I mean long) years, but finally, my prayers have been answered! You may remember me writing a little bit here and there about my struggles with my teenage son. If not, I will give you a brief little run down on the situation. Let's put it mildly and say once he hit middle school, he morphed into a completely different child! One I was not happy with. His teachers were not happy with him, and  I don't think he was even happy with himself! My once honor roll student went to straight failing everything. I will also admit I wanted to smack him more than I wanted to hug him.

Truth Shopping

 

This weekend I spent an insane amount of time shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding. Everything I liked was black, or was mostly black with a little bit of color in it. I have always been taught though that black is for funerals. You don't want to show up mourning the union of people in love. Unless of course you are in love with one of them but that's a whole other issue.

I went from store to store to store trying on dress after dress but nothing seemed quite right or did not fit my budget no matter how much I liked it. Hours and hurting feet later I finally decided on one. Then I began to see how all of this dress shopping was just like my life as a Christian and as a single mom. I had to find the truth for myself no matter what I had always been taught. I tried out a whole bunch of "truths" even if they did not seem quite right. And as a Christian mom some guys just don't fit no matter how much I like them. 

I think I got the idea of the dresses being worldly from my ten year old who came with me. She made me laugh because if a dress showed too much cleavage, she called it a desperate dress. All the ones that seemed to catch my eye were black with just enough bright, beautiful color to make you go... wow! Isn't that how a lot of things in the world are today? They are dark with secrets and sin with just enough light to make you think they're not so bad. Don't get me wrong I am not saying your little black dress is evil. In fact I have one. It is just not appropriate to wear to a wedding just as a swim suit is not appropriate to wear to church.

Summer Switch

 

Summer is here again. Long, warm days and staying up way too late because it doesn't get dark until bedtime! I love summer. I hate to be cold. Summer also gives kids vacation from school. That is so unfair that the whole world does not take vacation too don't ya think? Sometimes it is so hard and expensive to keep them entertained! It is summer time that makes me wish I would have become a teacher all those years ago. 

For single parents summer sometimes also means sending the kids to the other parent for a part or maybe even all of the summer. Every family situation is different and each custody situation brings about its own joys and hardships. One of my best friends in the world has been fighting with her ex for nine years. He did not want to be a part of his daughters life until she was two and since then, he has not wanted anything more than to make her mother's life miserable. So much so she had to pay an insane amount of money to an attorney for her daughter to attend her own wedding! Sounds crazy right? Sadly this is an all too familiar reality. While it is great he is now in her life, what price is she paying for it?

I am blessed enough to say my ex does not cause these problems for the kids and I. His mentality is if the kids don't want to be with him, they are just going to be miserable while they are there so why make them come? Of course this is also an easy out on his part. That's okay. I love having my kiddos around all the time. Okay, Okay, most of the time! I do make them go up once in a while for grandma's sake. They also need to develop their own relationship with their dad even if it's not the greatest.

I am sure most of us remember the movie The Parent Trap. If you have not seen the original I am sure you have seen a remake. These girls were so desperate to meet the parent they never knew they switched places. At summer camp! Of course that had a fairy tale ending of the parents falling back in love when they come to switch the kids back. Well, I have heard of couples getting remarried after getting divorced! I am sure the kids always have a huge role to play in those situations. They are possible! "With God All things are possible" (Mark 10:27 KJV).

Fifteen

 

So just as I start to get use to having peace as a house guest, another little fear rings the doorbell. I get up from the couch hummin a happy tune and bam! There at my door is 15. Yes, five months early but still staring me in the face with drivers ed in hand. Oh my goodness gracious! I am not upset at 15 like I am at high school for reminding me how old I am getting. I am angry at 15 because it is coming to take my baby out onto the road with a whole bunch of crazy people! Yes I know all those crazy people are on the road with me while he is a passenger but we still have some false sense of control when we are behind the wheel don't we? The purpose of my column this week is selfish indeed. I need words of encouragement from other mothers who have been there, done that, and can guide me through this life passage.

I am so happy about this new graduated license program we now have. I would have hated it as a kid but as a parent I am singin Hallelujah! You can still enroll in drivers education when you are 15, but you can not get your license right away any more like we did when I was 15. You now have a gradual process, which now that I look back makes so much sense. As dumb as we all acted when we were young, okay speaking for myself, as dumb as I acted back then how in the world did they let me loose with a car?  Cars can kill people! God had a purpose for all of us that lived. Some of our classmates were not so lucky. 

Now you have a permit for six months. This allows you to drive with a driver over the age of 21. You also have to log 50 hours of driving time and a parent signs off on that. I am so beyond grateful his bible study teacher has offered to do that for me. I think it is usually the dad that does this because they are not as emotional as we mothers are. If all goes well in those six months, you then get a provisional license. With this you can only drive between 5 am and midnight. How awesome is that?! I can't tell you how many times I drove after midnight when I was sixteen and as you can guess not doing good things.

Lead the Lost Children

 

I have heard it said that Hitler commented that if he could get the children to follow him before they were five, he would have them for the rest of their lives. Even though I believe he said it, I have not been able to find that but I did find this quote from him in an undated letter encouraging children to join the Hitler Youth; "I begin with the young. We older ones are used up but my magnificent youngsters! Are there finer ones anywhere in the world? Look at these men and boys! What material! You and I can make a new world." God knew he would say that. That is why He left us with a specific command. "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:16 NKJV).

He called them material. They are like clay you can easily sculpt and mold. If you have ever been around little children you know how true that is! Kids are human sponges! They are born so innocent and trusting and trainable! So why are so many lost? Why are the kids today not being trained in what is right then allowed to make up their own minds when they are older? Where did the mentality get flipped? I hear it all too often that parents don't want to push their religion on their kids so they let them just drift until they are old enough to choose for themselves. WHAT?! Where did that come from? 

Small children like to follow. For example they love to play Simon Says. Now how many adults do you know that like to do that? They get great joy in mimicking your every movement and sometimes words. So why as parents are we not asking them to follow us into church? Why don't we have them follow us to worship? Why are we not leading them in praise? Parents are given great responsibility and I believe we will be held accountable for those trusted to us. "And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words which I command thee this day shall be in thine heart; and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down and when thou risest up"  (Deuteronomy 6:5-7 NKJV).

R.E.S.P.E.C...?

 

Your mom can do it. You can do it. Can your child do it? What is it? Define and spell respect. Websters Dictionary defines respect as: v 1. think highly of; 2. show concern for n 1. honor 2. concern. I think in today's world respect is no longer a noun. It is simply how you feel towards a person. People don't even respect places anymore. I have heard of people stealing things from grave sites!

Today's kids will tell you they don't respect anyone who does not respect them. What?! When I was growing up I was taught you respect your elders. ALL of them. It did not matter if you agreed with them or even liked them, or if they were complete strangers! If they were older than me, I was to show them respect. And I wasn't even raised in a Christian home. 

Sure, some of the respect given was out of fear. Fear of either what someone else's parents may do to you, or worse, what your parents would do to you if they found out you were disrespectful. I don't ever remember being at a friends home and not respecting their parents. Ever! I knew when I was in their house, they were my acting parents. I expect the same now in my home. I even tell all the kids that come over, when they are with me, I am their mom and they will do what I tell them to. Well, let's just say this is not working out so well for me.

If you have read any of my past columns here, or read my blog, you probably already know my son has a respect issue. So far not with anyone else but me, but he still has one. I have also banned two of his friends from our house. I can't ban my own children but if any of their friends try to pull the "You're not my mom" card with me, they will not win that hand. The Bible says "Honor your father and your mother". It's one of the ten commandments! So how did we get so far away from this? When did it happen? How is it some athletes can gain a child's respect but a self sacrificing parent can not?

Choose Your Team

Have you ever watched a professional soccer game? Not a kid game but say Brazil or England? They're intense! They are fast, brutal, and unpredictable. The players don't have helmets or pads to protect them. All they have is their training, their skill, and their instinct.

This weekend my son's team suffered a really bad, unfair loss and it got me thinking. Today kids lives can be compared to a soccer game. The team we faced played really dirty. They were taking our kids down from behind, just being really. . .mean. And the ref did not seem to care. We were all left thinking how unfair it was that the team that cheated, won. Some of the parents said " The nice guys finish last again." Then a fellow Christian mom said "Those who are last shall be first." (Matthew 20:16)

In life, there will always be an opponent that wants to beat you. When you become a big enough threat to them, they no only want to beat you but they want to take you out. I have learned the opponent is always there. He is never willing to give up his attack on us. That opponent is Satan. Hopefully every child has a coach to teach them the basics, Jesus, love, kindness, etc. Every child then has a life, a ball, then they must choose which team to play for. Will the basics be enough to defend their morals? No. They need to learn to apply their skills to score (succeed) as they pursue the goal of Heaven.

There will always be fans yelling at them from the sidelines. Teachers, friends, the media... but they won't always be cheering them on. Sometimes they will be trying to persuade them to run the other way. When our kids step out onto the field of life, we can't step onto the field with them. All we can do is pray for protection and watch from the sidelines. It hurts us when we see someone coming after them and hurt them on purpose. We may stand up and yell "FOUL!!" But then we must sit back down and accept what ever happens because we can't go back in time and change it. 

Family Friendly

 

Just because a movie is made by Disney or claims to be family friendly, doesn't mean that it is. Yes Disney is still the number one maker of family films, but they too are starting to push the envelope. My daughter and I just went to go see the new Hannah Montana movie for her birthday. I'll admit I enjoyed it. It has a great message of family, home, growing up, and making the right choice no matter how hard it may be. It was about stepping back and taking a look at your life to realize what's really important. I'm glad I have a child to use as my excuse to see all these movies! In the movie her dad was a big part of bringing her back down to earth even though he is not that big a part in the T.V. show. He pops up every once in a while but not as much as it seems I appear in my own kids lives.

If you watch the shows as much as I do, you will notice there is usually one thing missing from them. Parents. Let me jump over to another kids network, Nickelodeon. They have two very popular shows on right now without parents. Tru Jackson is about a 15 year old girl who is able to rise to the top of a huge company to be a top fashion designer, no college degree required. Then there is I-Carly. Yes she has an older brother who takes care of her but the only parent in the show is the neighbor lady who of course is portrayed as crazy. The Disney shows all have parents and adults who are written to be, well, stupid. Sure I know these shows are suppose to be funny. They are every kids dream to grow up and be able to raise yourself with your own rules. As a parent these shows really have me torn. On one hand, they are pretty much the only things on T.V. without sex or the homosexual lifestyle. On the other hand, I am not too sure I like their underlying message.

Let me tell you about a show called Drake and Josh. If you don't know anything about it, it's a show about a blended family where two teenage boys, one popular, one not so popular, become brothers. I like watching this show. It does make me laugh. And I like the way they always refer to each-other as brothers not step brothers. I don't like the fact the little girl has her parents completely fooled into thinking she is an angel when in fact she is a mastermind troublemaker! I also don't like that Drake maintains a D average yet he is never grounded. Not only is he never grounded but he is a rock star who is able to travel to other states with no parents.

Dating in the Fallen World Part III; Nobody's Perfect

 

So here I am again, column is due and I have yet to begin. "Nobody's perfect." I think. Yeah, I am not perfect. You are not perfect. And neither is any guy here on earth. Even Jesus said he was not perfect. And He said unto them, "Why callest thou me good? There is none good but One, that is God" (Matthew 19:17 NKJV). Even though I think He was perfect I am not going to argue with Him! There is no human on this earth who can be everything I want them to be. There is no man who will complete me. Sorry Jerry McGuire not even you! There is no man who can even come close to making me feel as loved, or for that matter who can love me as much as God does. Once I find a man who knows this like I do, I think I'll be okay.

Sure I'm looking for someone who has some worldly perks like a full time job. Let's face it we need money down here. And you guessed it, a full time job is on the requirement list! However, a guy looking to buy my love need not apply. I want, no, I need a man who knows where my treasure is. I want him to know that even though I will LOVE that HUGE diamond he puts on my finger to show the world he loves me, it will be left behind along with the rest of my earthly possessions.  

I want a Boaz in my life. He sacrificed his own interests and earthly good to provide for Ruth. His love for Ruth was not just an overwhelming adoration, it was a decision. A choice of selfless devotion. As parents we know what this is all about. Sometimes, being a parent can feel like one sacrifice after another. We sacrifice our time, our energy, and our money. We choose to do this. These are sacrifices of love. We choose to love our children when they are acting unlovable. Our children test the limits of our love on a frequent basis. When my children got that assignment they thought it said daily not frequently. When our ability to love our kids is stretched to the limits we have to remember the sacrifice of love that was made for us.

Dating In The Fallen World Part II; 100 Percent?

 

I say I am open to dating again, but I am not sure that is 100 percent true. For example, I do not go to any of the singles functions at my church. I think, No! I confess, it is because I still want to pick my future husband. Now, some might think, "That's not really a good idea. I mean look what happened the last time you picked a husband instead of letting God bring you one." They would be absolutely right. If you read my last article, you may remember I told you how I have prayed for God to just put someone in my path. Well, there have been a few really nice guys in my path, but I have chosen to walk by.

I guess I need to be more specific. I have prayed for the one to be put in my path. There are a couple who belong to my church, and as much as I love that, I am not interested in them. This is just another reason I don't attend the singles group at church. It is a lot easier to tell someone you are not interested online than it is in person. Is that bad? That sounds bad. Let me share a quick story.

First, an introduction. A guy from my church expressed some interest in me. I was not interested in him and politely told him I was not looking to date. At the time was true. I told him this very nicely. Even if we were not members of the same church I would have been nice but looking back now I may have been a little more direct had we met under different circumstances. Well, at a recent church event, mind you, the very day after I told you all I wanted God to put a man in my path.....boom. We arrived just as this same guy was getting out of his car. He waited for me and my kids to get out. I was thinking, God, I know this is just a pure coincidence and you are not putting him in my path. Right!?? So, we got out and walk in with him. He made small talk with me and my kids and we then we went our separate ways. He really is nice. I just don't feel anything. "Coincidence. Coincidence. Coincidence."

Dating In the Fallen World Part 1; The Bachelor

 

I have been wanting to take my column in the direction of dating for a while now. I have decided against it a few times, but the recent episode of The Bachelor got me going. I don't know why I watch the show but I do. I watch the very first episode then I quit until they start doing the hometown dates. (The commercials always let you know when those are coming up.) I think the appeal of the show is the fact that everyone wants to love and be loved. Even though only one couple out of many has gotten married out of it, we still watch. Kind of like a train wreck... you  can't look away from. You want to see who is left standing and gets to walk away hand in hand. Who does not like to fantasize about dream dates and exotic places like New Zealand?!    

Being a Christian, I am not happy with the fantasy suite option. Personally I could not date a guy when I knew he was dating several other women as well. However, this is a worldly show made to be sexual so what am I really expecting here? During the season finale Jason really upset me. I watched him last season on The Bachelorette and I thought he was a good guy. Then he went and proposed to one of the women and then changed his mind!  At first I was shocked he would do such a thing. Then I was even more shocked the women he sent home took him back! But, I thought about it for a while. I let a few hours go by. And yes, I watched the next night when some of the other women from the show gave their opinions and they talked to Jason and Molly. I started to change my opinion.

Yes, what Jason did was wrong on so many levels.Yes, they all put themselves in the potentially heartbreaking situation in the first place. But...does he deserve to be called the most hated man in America? Probably not. He claims he had to follow his heart and do the right thing. True, it was better for him to let the woman he chose know now he was thinking about the other woman instead of waiting until after they were married. Was going on the show the right thing to do in the first place? And what does the Bible tell us about following our hearts?  "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9 KJV).

The Age of Accountability

My children and I talk often about living your life for God. Everyone has pretty much heard "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it" Proverbs 22:6 (KJV).

Though most of us can say we know some adults who were raised in the church and once they became adults, turned away never to go back. I am trying to convince my kids that is the exception not the rule. We frequently talk about being ready when Jesus returns and this, of course, has taken our conversations to, "How old are you when you are no longer considered an innocent child?"  This may have been a sneaky way of asking how long they can get away with doing things they know are not right. I have heard many of Christians say twelve-years old and I always wanted to know where they got that number, so I thought I would look into it.

I found that this belief probably came from the fact that Jewish boys have their bar-mitzvah at thirteen and since Jesus was a Jew he must have done this too. However, this tradition only dates back to the middle ages so He may not have participated in any such ceremony. Luke 2:42 indicates he went to a feast when he was twelve-years old, but it is unknown if there was a ceremony to declare him as an adult.

Even this?

 

Focus. Persevere! Yes you can! This is what God has been telling me lately but I am not too sure I believe I can. I am in the middle of a very large valley right now and it seems like I have been walking forever to get to the other side so I can start climbing up and out. Well I hope I am closer to the end than to the middle. "I am tired. I am ready to quit. I want out!" This is what my heart has been crying out to God. I don't know what I am suppose to learn from this. I don't remember sowing seeds this bad to be reaping this!

I have a teenage son at home that really misses and needs his dad. All of his problems are my fault. I am the target to which all this anger is thrown. I understand he is in pain. I understand he feels I will still love him no matter what he throws my way so he feels safe taking everything out on me. Just because I understand all this does not make it any easier. I am physically and emotionally drained.

Last Wednesday night at church we had a guest speaker Pastor Gerald Brooks, who of course was talking just to me. In a room full of people he preached just to me. He said "This is to those who have said "I can't handle it anymore!"  He reminded us God will teach us how to have joy in our "I can't" moments.

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content" (Philippians 4:11 ESV).

He will show you that He is your strength. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13 NKJV).

So I am sitting there listening, feeling bad for complaining when I know some parents who would trade their problems for mine in a heartbeat...but still. I have prayed. I have done everything I can think of to do, and still no resolution. I am still in the eye of the storm watching all the pieces of our lives swirl around me. I can feel God there watching me, but I can't quite understand what I can do that I have not already tried to get myself out. I feel like Helen Hunt in the movie Twister when she said it felt like the storm skipped this house and that house and came after her. I know all these families who don't follow God and they have great kids! How does that work? 

I must say though that God has placed wonderful friends in my life who pray for me and listen when I need them. They encourage and support me. The writers here encourage and inspire me. It lifts my heart to read praise reports and how many wonderful women of God have walked through their own valley and with God's help find the light at the end. I want you all to know how much I appreciate you. When I begin to doubt I can do all things through Christ, when I ask "Even this?", God tells me yes. When I need to be reminded I come here. Thank you all for being blessings in my life.

Focus

 

Focus. Finish. Focus! Today's column was very hard for me to write. I am in awe of the wonderful writers here at Take Root and Write who are able to post months of their column in advance. These women are such an inspiration. I, on the other hand, am not one of those women. I never know what I am going to write about beforehand. I usually just sit down, pray, and ask God to use me to convey what He wants to say. Then, I put pen to paper. This week, I was not able to focus long enough to hear what God wanted to tell me. This week was a paragraph here, a few sentences there; lots of starts but nothing finished. Lots of ideas, great things to say, but no focus to finish any of them. I have been so absent minded lately. My mind has even started to wander during my prayer time. It doesn't seem like I can finish praying for more than one person at a time! God has been pointing it out every chance he gets too."Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10 KJV). I hear him. I really do. I put be still on my to do list once again. Even though it is already there, maybe subconsciously I think I will eventually get to it if it keeps popping up. My mind has so many projects it wants to start, so many things it wants to read, so many places it wants to see, and just...so...many...things! 

"Be still. Focus. Listen to my voice." My eyes may be closed but concentrating...I am not! I know God is peace. I know He is my rest. And, I know where he is! So why does it seem I keep going in the opposite direction? My internal global positioning system (GPS) must be on the fritz!

New Beginnings

 

In the first few weeks of the new year it seems everyone is talking or thinking about new beginnings. Is the new year really that big of a deal when God gives us a new beginning with every sunrise? His mercies are new every morning!

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

Praise God!

This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24)  

I know, you're probably thinking it's not the same thing. Well, I guess it depends on the situation. To me, it sounds like some new years resolutions seem to stem from regret.  "I'm going to exercise everyday from now on!," could mean... "My weight gain really makes me regret eating so much."  Or how about,  "I'm not going to work so many hours this year,"  could translate into... " I regret missing so many precious moments."  While these new revelations are great, and a desire to change behavior for the better is fantastic, there's usually a "but." Over time these resolutions seem to lose their importance. Change is hard. Change is work. Change can be uncomfortable. Even if this change is for the better, even if it will improve our lives or the lives of those we love, sometimes it seems easier to stay where we are. If we're not careful, the enemy can convince us we really don't need our resolutions in the first place. "You're not really overweight and I'm sure your heart is fine," and, "Who needs to fit into their clothes? Eat that cookie and just go shopping!" Or how about this one: "That's what video cameras are for. Have someone record John's game for you. He'll understand you had a meeting."

The Gift

 

Merry Day After Christmas! Are you rested? Are you happy with your gifts?

If you have the gifts of Jesus, love, & health, you are blessed. I remind you all of this because I needed a HUGE reminder of this last weekend. I want to share this story with you not because I am proud of my attitude but because I was reminded that even though we have given our hearts to Jesus, we are human and satan will try to steal our souls every chance he gets. It is so easy to give in to his temptations and walk in the spirit of selfishness and get the "why should I" attitude.

Last Saturday just as we were about to go into Wal-mart to grocery shop, the kids dad called them to ask them if they had gotten me a present. They both told him yes because they have both apparently made me things. My first thought was "Oh crud! I forgot to get him something from you guys!" Seriously I did not forget on purpose. I really didn't. This has just been a really hard year, as for many, and he is not one of my priorities. Especially since he has been the cause of my hardships this year.

So I told the kids we needed to go in and get him something as we were driving to meet him halfway between our towns to pick up the kids presents from him and his family the next day. As soon as I said this, I felt an anger rush over me and I got the thought, "Wait a minute, why should I get him anything? He owes me so much money!" THEN I got mad at the kids for telling him they had got me something when I knew they had not. Then he would not get me anything from the kids. Whoah! Where had that little demon come from? He was there and he was mad! 

Jesus vs. The Bully

  

What would Jesus do if he was bullied? The bible tells us he was.  At the time when Jesus was betrayed by Judas, Jesus was led to the high priests after his capture. The leading priests and their advisers tried to call Jesus out with false witness statements. Matthew 26: 62- 68  They spit in his face and struck him with their fists. They tried everything to put him down. In fact he was bullied all the time and did not let it get him down. When Jesus was slapped on the face by the guard of the High Priest, He did not turn his face so the guard could slap him again. Instead Jesus responded, "If I said something wrong, testify as to what is wrong. But if I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?" (John 18:19-23) Jesus not only defended himself with words, He confronted the bully and demanded an answer for his unjust treatment. Oh how I wish our children had the strength and courage Jesus did.  

If you have read my prayer requests and a discussion I posted in CWTR you already know both my kids have faced bullies. As a kid you don't think much about it if you are not the one being picked on. As a parent it just breaks your heart! School is so much different these days than it was even just 15 years ago. I remember being in jr high and kids went out and fought in the parking lot and were friends the next day. Now kids bring guns and knives to school! Not only that but they are always looking for revenge. They just don't stop. The reason this topic makes it into my Single Moms column is not only because this is what I am dealing with now but because their father and I have very different view on the subject. He was a fighter in school. I am not sure if he was a bully or just fought to stick up for himself and his friends but either way he thinks beating someone up is the only way to stop it. This is one of the reasons I have turned to my wonderful sisters in Christ for encouragement and advice. I am so glad I did too. I was given the advice to pray for the bully. I don't know if I would have ever thought of that on my own even though it is a very simple and basic concept. In fact it is one of the greatest commandments he gave us.

Are you full?

 

Happy Black Friday! Are you full of turkey and still sleepy or have you been up for hours fighting the crowds to find the best deals? As you read this,that is probably where I will be. I have never gone out on black Friday before, this will be my first year. I am NOT a morning person! I have never found it appealing to go out before dawn, in the cold, to "fight" over presents. I have never thought the savings could really be worth all that. However, with the economy the way it is, and money being tight, I am hoping for some better than usual deals and I am going to go.

This last year has been a financial challenge. Not getting child support and having to hire an attorney has put me in some debt I don't want to be in and I admit I have stressed over. I was even going to tell my sister, let's only buy for our own kids this year. Have you ever had to do that? I know many families are cutting the Christmas budget too.  However, about the same time I was having these thoughts, it was also the week we read about generosity in our character makeover. I realized getting my nieces and nephews a little something is not going to force us out of our home. AND I really do feel more blessed when I am able to give. God is watching out for us and I know he will provide. I am so thankful to be full of the holy spirit and not just turkey!

Ephesians 3:14-19

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

I am thankful I am able to share some encouragement from a single income family to people who have recently become a single income family due to a layoff. I am so thankful to be full of hope and excitement over what God has planned for me on the other side of this financial storm.

So while your tummy is full of turkey, and your shopping bags are full of stuff, I hope your heart is full of the love of Jesus. It is free and definitely the best deal out there!

Who has custody of your heart?

 

Here come the holidays. While I like Thanksgiving, I love Christmas. Love Love Love it! Everything becomes so peaceful and everyone feels more giving. I love how quiet it is outside at night when it snows. I love the lights and all the decorations, just everything.     

As a single parent I have to try extra hard to make sure custody and visitation issues do not put a damper on my Christmas spirit! Yes sometimes I get irritated, and I have to pray a few extra times for God to help me hold my tongue, but I think I manage pretty well to come out of it. This year will be different because I now have sole custody and I won't get in trouble if I don't do the you get the morning, I get the evening thing. And, my kids father is moving out of state in a few days so we don't even have to travel at all! We get to spend a peaceful Christmas at home! Woohoo! So while this is great for me, I can't help but think of the single parents who have to split the holidays, trade holidays, or don't get to be with their children for the holidays at all. And yes the children. As the adults, we have to do everything we can to make sure they have a wonderful season filled with the spirit of love, no matter what. The easiest way to do this, is to first make sure we know who has custody of our own hearts. Once we know this, He will help us take care of everything else.

How do you encourage your children to follow Christ?

Right now I have things going on in my life that lead me to the question: "How do you encourage your children to follow Christ?"  Lately I want to talk to anyone and everyone about this. Every mom, every dad, married or single. However I am especially interested in the single parents (of course) I wonder if it is easier or harder to do this on your own. So many questions are coming to light on this subject lately I just don't know where to begin! Is there a right way to do this without pushing too hard and in essence pushing them farther away? I am thinking there has to be, I mean look at all the adults you know who were raised in the church and who have turned away. I know this means they did not truly have a relationship with Jesus and so then maybe this turns my question into, "How do you ensure your children develop a relationship with Jesus?"

"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

What a wonderful promise! But what is God telling me here? Again I go back to all the adults I know who were raised to believe but now do not. Does this mean they will eventually come back even if it takes 40 years?!

Ok for this article let's assume the christian married couples are united on this front. Both parents are equally concerned about where their children will spend eternity. You've got each other's back. If you are single like me, you may have to pull grandparents or pastors into your corner. I have enlisted the help of our senior pastor and our youth pastor AND our youth leaders to help me fight for my son's soul. It helps to have "cool" people your kids like! Right now he is in the midst of middle school and peer pressure. Everything bad just seems so fun. Some days I am all pumped up and excited, and other days I feel I am pushing too hard. "This will backfire..." thoughts creep into my mind. An atheist once said somewhere, that if he can get your kids before they are 5, he will have them forever. What a powerful statement. He knows those early years are so important. The world goes after our kids full force. Does the church? Do we as parents? We need to realize they are learning from the day they are born. They are smart enough to know right from wrong, good from evil even before they can talk. I know when my kids were little I did not hold up pictures of Jesus and tell them Jesus loves you, or say Jesus and then hug them. I am glad their Sunday school did. I on the other hand did not follow thru at home. Did I wait too long? Will he miss out on God's purpose for his life? Will these teenage rebelions doom him forever? I don't think so. God's grace is so amazing! His ability to forgive is beyond compare! His eraser not only erases the mistake but his memory!

God will never give up on our children. We just need to make sure they know that. 

Out of Gas?

The title today has nothing to do with the economy.  It has to do with your mommy tank. I want to start with the question; "Does it really take a village to raise a child?"  Am I alone when I say "YES!"?  Whether you are a single mom or not, you have to admit there is only one thing that refills your tank more than a few quiet mom moments.

Have you ever heard the term "Friends are the family you choose?" I believe that 100%.  I live 2 1/2 hours away from any family so when I need help I have to rely on my friends. Sometimes this is really hard for me because I don't like to feel like I am imposing on anyone. I am learning through the wonderful character makeover that this is a form of pride. I never would have thought of it that way.  When I deny help I am also denying someone else the right to show me love and generosity.  Mothers with husbands in the military or who travel a lot probably know this feeling just as much as us single moms do. Don't get me wrong, moms with their spouses at home need to escape just as much as anyone but they have a few more opportunities with another adult in the house.  There have been a few times when my day has gotten away from me and when I finally sit down to take a breath, the kids are in bed, it's like 10:30 at night, and I remember we ran out of milk!! I hate to leave my kids home alone at that time even if just for a few minutes but if I don't go, as much as God does for me, I really don't expect him to deliver milk to my door for breakfast!   Uhhh... yes out of gas!

My children have more on their calendars than I do. Sometimes I joke I would have no life if I were not always shuttling between practices, games, church, dance class, appointments, and birthday parties! Not that they are over booked but there are two of them and one of me. I wear my taxi hat a lot! When the subject of dating comes up people think I'm joking when I say I am looking for a good driver!

The Financial Fear Fire

With the economy the way it is today, everyone has finances on their mind. As Christians we should not be worried because we have "The God Factor" right? We know he will take care of us. 

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 

As humans, sometimes we allow worry to creep in. For me, once I let the worry in, guilt for worrying comes along for the ride. When I worry I feel like I am telling God "I don't trust you." and I am. I admit sometimes I allow my children to fuel the guilt fire. About a year ago I moved to an area of town where my children would go to better schools and live in a safer neighborhood. These perks brought with them children of more means. I'm sure it is hard for my kids to have friends who have all the material things they want just as it is hard for me not to be able to provide some of those things. And children say what they feel don't they! They let me know how unfair it is they don't have a two parent income.

Sometimes us single parents don't get the support we're suppose to ... They let me know how much better they think their life would be if I had gone to college and say... become a doctor. Some days those thoughts get to me.  I feel like I am not doing enough for them,  and I have let them down.

Have you ever been caught up on that roller coaster? When you're up in the clouds enjoying the ride with your arms stretched above your head, grab God's grace, mercy, peace, and love. If you hold on they will stay with you during the lows.

God knows you're doing your best! He sees the little things you are doing and appreciates them!   

“The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’  Matthew 25:40

So work on putting out that financial fear fire that the enemy has lit! As hard as it may be don't let yourself or anyone else fan the flame.

Here is an awesome prayer I have come across. I hope it blesses you too!

"Father forgive me for worrying that I might not have enough to live on. I see evidence of your faithfullness all around me. Thank you for always providing exactly what I need."  (Mt 6:25-31, Prov 30:8-9, Phil 4:6,19)

Stuck in Moms says: Dad says:

"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

As Christian moms we breathe a little easier when our children hang out with kids who are being raised with the same morals and values similar to our own. We usually don't mind when they stay over. But; what do we do when the values being taught at the other parents home are not as pleasing? Enter: The Unbelieving Dad 

This can confuse kids and create complicated situations. By nature kids want to please their parents. They love them both. However if the values being taught in each household differ drastically, this can cause guilt and stress for the child (ren). My kids have been placed in the situation many times where they had to choose between pleasing their dad and lying to their mom.

Mom has rules. Mom has a chore list. Mom disciplines us. Dad does not. Mom does not allow music with cuss words or sexual lyrics. Dad listens to them in the car with the kids in tow! Mom is trying to mold her kids into God loving, caring, productive adults. Dad, it seems, is just trying to over rule all moms rules. Ok, yes maybe mom has too many rules. Maybe...

Does anyone else deal with this?

Mom thinks you should not mark your body with tattoos because your body is God's temple. Dad says you can do whatever you want when you're 18. Mom says it is vital to go to church and continue to grow with God all the days of your life. Dad says it's a waste of time and pretty soon mom won't be able to make them go to church anymore. Yes, I acknowledge that to be true, but my prayer is that by that time my children will have a heart for God and will want to follow him on their own not just because they have to but because they want to.

~Together we're not alone~

Welcome single moms past and present! I hope you have a little time to read my bio or my personal page so that you will know a little bit about me. I'm here to share my sometimes crazy life with other women who know where I'm coming from either because we're navigating the waters in the same sail boat or because you've already crossed your ocean and are willing to share the wisdom you learned on your journey.

I hope to remind you on those days when you wake up late, forget to send lunch money, have to drive carpool, and burn dinner, that even if there is no one to physically put their arms around you, God is there. And on the selfish side, I too hope to find advice here. I hope to use some of you as my secret decoder ring when I just can't figure out what God is trying to tell me!

Women can't conceive children alone. We're not suppose to raise them alone either. Being a single mom is no longer the taboo it once was. However, being a Christian single mom by divorce and not by death can be. (gasp) Those 3 words are not suppose to go together! When they do, a lot of people add the word hypocrite into the mix without even knowing or caring about the circumstances. Have you ever been there?

Matthew 7:5 "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." 

Intro: Single Mom

My hope is that this column will give christian single moms a place to come together to share our thoughts and feelings on the struggles and blessings we encounter  while we try to raise our children alone in this crazy world we live in. I hope we will encourage each other in ways only believers can.

By, Venus Wethington
Column Posted Second & Fourth Friday every Month / Also a Group in CWTR, here.