Take Root and Write

What Does A Christian Look Like?

Beautiful One, what does a Christian look like? I suppose the answer is not as simple as the question itself.

This last week I watched the drama unfold in the life of Mel Gibson. Like many others, I was somewhat dismayed and discouraged at the events surrounding him. The one thing I can safely say about Mr. Gibson's present circumstances, is, as awful as they may be, I despise the cycle he has gotten himself into more than his actions.

Beautiful One, many good people do bad things. The old line,"hurting people, hurt people," may sound like a cliche, but it is very true.

How can a Christian man who had been married for almost three decades, raised seven children, and produced a movie glorifying God (The Passion of the Christ), be sitting before us in the court of public opinion battling the woman who had a part (along with him) in destroying his first marriage?

How did this man get to where he is? Has the body of Christ yet endured another black eye?

If he were really a Christian, would he be in this mess? Is it possible to belong to the Lord while living a life that is a chaotic mess? Would a real Christian do and say hurtful things? The answer is yes.

It is Not Your Fault

"Am I lovable? Am I huggable?" is the heart cry of every child. Yesterday I gave a boy twice my size a hug. He was hanging out with youth before the church service started. He was in the crowded room but not really connected to anyone. I had cried for him the previous day, when I heard he'd being taken to juvenile court. He was going before a judge because he lost control and beat his sister. Why would I cry for a big kid who had just beat up his sister? He has fetal alcohol syndrome. When his mom was pregnant and he was in her womb, she drank and drugged.

This teen did not put one glass of liquor to his lips, but he will always be marked by effects of his mom drinking while pregnant. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is not a birth defect, but it creates irreversible damage to the baby. The symptoms vary but include: heart defects, joint deformities, sleep problems, learning disabilities, poor impulse control, extreme nervousness, high adrenaline strength, and sudden rage.

Many times these babies are neglected, abused and placed into foster care. While most who foster or adopt are loving adults, often they will struggle tremendously trying to help the child adjust. Many people who are born with illnesses or disease that cause abnormal or even destructive emotional behavior frequently live a painful life of never feeling like they can fit in.

Deep internal desires to control their thoughts or behaviors are sporadic causing guilt, anger and thoughts of suicide. Every child wants to be loved and to love others. When a person realizes that they hurt the people closest to them, the very people in life trying to help them, it is emotionally crushing. No easy solutions are available.

Can Death Bring Healing?

Her face tells it all. Thinking about her abuser causes passionate anger to boil within. Her body tenses when "good people" tell her she needs to forgive. She will often deny the raw feelings in her heart, knowing it is not socially acceptable to wish someone is dead. Denial is one coping method she uses to help her function "normal" but it will also keep her imprisoned in her wounded heart. 

"I wish he was dead. I hate him," echoes through her mind as guilt suppresses her thoughts. While it is not rare for a victim to wish her abuser harm or death, it is not always a first, or even a conscious thought. It can hide deep within. A child who has been abused by a parent or close relative has a difficult time dealing with a fact that someone who should have protected them has caused them so much pain. She feels unsafe, betrayed, and unlovable.

When a victim is safely away from her abuser, she can start dealing with the horrible events in her life. Forgiveness will not fully emerge until the brutal honesty and the consequences of the pain and abuse is allowed to surface. It is common during this process to uncover feelings of hatred toward the abuser. She may feel she can only be safe in the world if her abuser is dead, thereby making certain she will no longer be hurt.

The Poem

"It matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishment the scroll. I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul" English Poet, W. E. Henley

Beautiful One, recently the movie, Invictus, came out. This movie is about Nelson Mandela, the President of South Africa, who was imprisoned for almost thirty years. Thirty years! He hadn't committed a crime; he was not violent, nor unjust. He simply believed in what he said, and was willing to take a stand. But, that stand cost him dearly. That stand landed him locked up behind bars for the better part of his life. Or, did it?

What could have destroyed this great man, actually made a good man, an even better man, and an even greater leader.

How is this possible? 

Early on, Mandela made the decision that although his body was locked up, there was something he possessed that no one could touch. It had no chains, not one single bar encased his most powerful ally--his mind.

Today, as well as in times past, two kinds of people are imprisoned. Those who deserve to be, and those who don't. Plain and simple.

Beautiful One, there are so many people who are paying heavy, because they carried life too lightly. For whatever reason they forgot life was beautiful, and meant to have meaning. Maybe no one bothered to love, teach, and guide them. They grew up embittered and calloused, and sought payback on the streets. Which among those in chains now,  valued the truth that actions do have consequences then? How many wasted their youth, fooled around, played by the fire and eventually got burned?

Suicide Cries Out of Darkness

God created us with a will to live. Survival naturally flows from our innate instincts. No sweet innocent child wakes up one morning seeking for ways to die. Children burst with energy and curious quest for living life to its fullest. Suicide grows out of darkness that surrounds experience of assault, trauma and abuse. Suicide grows exponentially in our society since it teaches in a godless vacuum with no true hope.

Yes, "Hope" popularized as the new magically word to be the answer to all the problems, but a word is empty, meaningless and dangerous when the focus of the hope is a person, program, or political party. Young people despair when they reach out for the promised hope and it is nothing but hot air.

It didn't take me long as a youth to realize most adults and people in authority were clueless about how to really help someone that was suffering from the internal bleeding of daily child abuse. Wrapping me tightly with band aid solutions did little to rescue me from the hell-hole I lived in.

If you are going to help people who are in crisis being traumatized by the very people who are suppose to protect them, requires someone who is willing to get dirty. Healers get into the nasty mess of mind, heart, and spirit that is already in the process of dying a slow agonizing death. Platitudes wound as deeply as the abuse.

So, what effective measures can be taken to bind up the brokenhearted, to heal the sick and set the captives of Satan free? Apart from the power of God through the indwelling and fresh anointing of the Holy Spirit, all efforts vainly identify the symptom, but give hollow hope with no lasting results. God is clear that it takes someone who has suffered to minister to those who suffer. God can take a healer to deep levels of suffering, even to experience vicarious trauma, to work through the answers to bring someone on the edge of suicide to safety.

If you are sensitive to God moving in the lives of others, hurting people will pass in and out of your life that are suicidal. When we open our hearts to help hurting people because we have been blessed to know God's healing power, we make contact with suffering people.

It is Possible.....

When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior." "But sir," Gideon replied, "if the LORD is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, 'Did not the LORD bring us up out of Egypt?' But now the LORD has abandoned us and put us into the hand of the Midians." The LORD turned to him and said, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midians hand. Am I not sending you?"(Judges 6:12-14 NIV)

Beautiful One, in an unstable world full of uncertainty, how do we keep our head above the waters of life? The answer for Christians is an easy one: Jesus Christ! But, did you know you can be rooted in the Lord, and still feel like you are drowning? Did you know that head knowledge is completely different than heart knowledge? And, it is possible to have wounds within our minds that go deeper than the faith within our hearts.

It is possible, to believe pain more than to believe God!

What makes this statement true is that sometimes we feel God evades us. But, there never seems to be a shortage of pain, adversity, and hardship; they like to surprise us from around every corner of life. After turning enough corners, you realize that in order to get passed them, you must first go through them.

It hardly seems fair, especially if you have encountered many hardships in life. Sometimes, you can look around and think things could be worse; other times you realize things could be a whole lot better!

As you look back over the pages of life, it's easier to identify the defining moments in your life; places where choices were made, offenses occurred, and successes had their moments! But, why is it that we are so easily derailed and stalled by the wounds of life? Is that what we really want? Personally, I don't believe any sane person wants to be tormented and plagued by their pain. But sometimes when the pain is great, it's easier to not take that risk and believe for something better.

It is so much easier to not have any expectation, than to have one, and have it elude you.

It's so much easier to not do anything, than to do something and have it all fall apart, again.

Beautiful One, it's easier, but it's a lie!

When times of turmoil hit our homes and pierce our very hearts, we face a defining moment! We may despise the trial, shed buckets of tears, and act foolish in the process. But it's OK so long as we keep going, never give up hope, and believe for something greater than we could imagine!

When Gideon was in a cave hiding from the Mideanites, God came to him. God told him to get up and out of the cave, and go! He had a job for Gideon. But, Gideon, by his own admission was afraid, alone, and worn out. All he could see was his pain. He loved the Lord and knew all about God's strength and might. But, Gideon also knew the pain of oppression and injustice, because they stood on the corner in his life and daily called his name.

How to Develop a Kid with Character

 
To develop a kid with character, a mom needs to shepherd the child's heart. Television, the Internet, and magazines push happiness and success. But is this God's emphasis?

The Bible says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life"(Proverbs 4:23, NIV).

Your child's heart is God's concern. When we moms -- including the moms you encourage -- miss the heart and we  sometimes zero in on the "what" of the behavior rather than the "why." The "why" matters most.

The heart refers to the inner person, who your child really is. From the heart flows behavior. When you focus on the heart you affect behavior.

To accomplish this, you, as the mom, need to avoid two extremes while shepherding your child's heart: a crass Rambo authoritarianism or toward being a wimp. Instead, choose to be authoritative.

An authoritative mom:

-- disciplines the child lovingly and consistently.

-- holds the child accountable.

-- expects the best.

Facing Enemies

And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel. (Genesis 3:18 NIV)

Have you ever been attacked by enemies? It is hard to understand unprovoked attacks and even harder to reconcile why they sometimes continue without end. No matter how much good you try to do, the enemies simply won't be satisfied until they see you destroyed. This may seem harsh, but the truth is this happens to many good people. It happens in families, on the jobs and yes, even in our churches. No one is immune to the disease of evil, and I believe that Christians face more enemies than most.

The Bible tells us that "all things work together for good" (Romans 8:28 NIV). But, we often think that in order for something to turn out for our good, it will all be good in the process. My friend, this is where the lines get blurred. God says, "all things work together for the good of those who are the called according to God for his purpose." It doesn't say, all things will be good to work out for good. 

Today, I am reminded of the Chief Priest Caiaphas. This man was largely responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus. If you are acquainted with Christ's betrayal, you know that Scripture clearly tell us  "that no man took Jesus life, He himself laid it down" (John 10:18). But, a process was in place in order for the "cross' to become a reality. The night Jesus was handed over, an evil plot was dispatched against him. He was falsely accused, no one wanted to hear the truth, even if they knew it themselves! Anyone who didn't stay silent and went to defend him, was quickly hushed up and hurried away.

Lilies of the Field

I am completely in love with my irises. To my way of thinking there is nothing that is more beautifully colored or uniquely designed than an iris. Over the years, I've collected several colors of this gorgeous flower making my flower bed pop with variety. Right now, I'm looking a a vase filled with a color explosion of deep purple, yellow, orange, white, and pale blue irises. And the way their petals are designed create such a statement of wonder that they take my breath away. I am in awe of what an excellent artist God is.

I have to think that our Creator is proud of His handiwork also. In the book of Matthew, Jesus talks about the lilies of the field acknowledging their splendor. He pointed out that the flowers don't worry about how they look, how they will grow, or what tomorrow may bring. The lilies of the field know that it is God who takes care of their needs.

I Am So Sorry

As I pray to God for guidance in writing this article, I overwhelmingly hear these words, "I am so sorry. I am so sorry you went through that horror. I am so sorry your innocence was stolen. I am so sorry you are hurting. I am so sorry life is hard for you. I am so sorry it is difficult to heal. I am so sorry..."  I write from the heart. My heart is guided by the Holy Spirit who lives in me. When I properly yield my will to His, I aim to write from the heart of God.

Abuse is sin. Sin brings death. "For the wages of sin is death..." (Romans 6:23, NIV). Death occurs on a physical, spiritual and soul level. Healing from abuse is so complicated because the wounds inflicted are wide, deep and generational. No person can be lightly touched by abuse. No matter if you were abused once or every day of your life - the abuse crumbles the foundational beliefs of being human. 

God creates humans in His image. In God's image sin does not exist. We have an innate sense that we are special. No one has to teach a child that he is different from a dog, butterfly, horse or monkey. It is only hardened adults that struggle with this concept. Every child longs to be loved, and this is essential because God is love.

No matter how young a child is abused, the child instinctively knows it is wrong. The mind often takes control to protect the life of the child by suppressing memories or disassociating from abusive experiences. Children are not taught how to do this, but it happens naturally because God created humans with a will to live. A baby born into this world needs to be nurtured. A baby cries for needs to be met.

HE Went Outside....

And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore. (Hebrews 13:13 NIV)

Beautiful One, have you ever noticed that most of Jesus' ministry was done out-of-doors? He traveled to many places teaching and bringing good news, but most of his ministry was done outside of the temple.

The House Of The Lord or Church as we call it today, is a wonderful place. If you have ever been active in a specific church you have probably discovered how special it is to belong and to connect with the Lord and His children. However, for many people the church has brought many sorrows. The place where many seek refuge has, instead, repelled others! Some will never recover from the wounds inflicted within those walls, and, may I say, this should never be.

Not on our watch! 

I currently work at a resort and encounter hundreds of people. Before this job I was in full-time ministry. It's safe to say that I'm a people person, and I encounter many from different backgrounds, religions, and varied social classes along the way.

Get Dressed

It is with great pride that I write that my son is graduating from college in a couple of weeks. Not only am I looking forward to what the future holds for him, but I am looking forward to the extra money in our bank account because there will be no more tuition bills!  Recently, we received a letter from the University telling us all the necessary details such as when to arrive, where to park and where to sit for the graduation ceremony.

The letter also directs my son to a certain building on campus to pick up his academic regalia. I've been stuck on the word "regalia" ever since I read it. I have always referred to the robes as graduation gowns. Regalia is a much grander word and brings to mind a sense of honor, respect, and even celebration. In the past, I have noticed that most graduates wearing their academic regalia walk tall and proud as if the act of putting on the robe changes their whole attitude. This is an interesting concept.

Safety First

In the beginning years of healing, I was desperately seeking God's deliverance. I hoped for an instantaneous miracle, for a one time event to restore my body and soul as though I had never been through eighteen years of horrible abuse and trauma.

On one occasion I went to a church that had a deliverance ministry. As the class started, the free-spirited leader put on some music and wanted everyone to loosen-up twirling around the room to the music. It made me uncomfortable.

Then he directed probing questions to me, and everyone's focus was on "helping" me (the new gal). When they wouldn't let up, I ran away in tears until I got to my car. Scared and emotional wreck when I saw the leader heading toward my car, I rushed to get in my car and leave. 

This is a perfect example of a "ministry" not putting safety first. Child abuse is primarily about being and feeling unsafe. Recovery must begin with helping a survivor to feel safe. Healing progresses if therapy, small groups, and support networks provide emotional, physical and verbal safety. If you don't feel safe, you will not be able to open up areas of your soul that need healing. 

"Safety First" seems to be common sense statement to most people, but adult survivors of abuse struggle to identify safety. Alarmingly, it is not unusual for a person raised by an abusive parent to marry an abusive spouse. How can this happen?

Conflict-The God Kind!

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine." (Isaiah 55:8 NLT)

Beautiful One, there is something wondrous about life; something beautiful and worth having. However, life is sometimes painful and hard to figure out. It can leave us scratching our heads.

If you're reading this, you have life. Maybe you have lived long enough to realize that this simple four letter word, L-I-F-E, is not so simple. I sat down today and happened to skim through the pages of my son's world history book and realized that mans history has a common thread running throughout the annals of time . . . conflict!

Conflict handled inappropriately has caused dissension and strife in the lives of people throughout the ages. Conflict is not necessarily a bad thing and can even be healthy if handled properly and with respect.

Pray Like This

 Jesus, the most excellent teacher of all, gave us an example of how to pray. We commonly refer to this model as the Lord's Prayer (see Matthew 6:9-13). Because the Word of God is living and holy, this prayer teaches us not only how to pray, but it shows us that healing for the grieving heart comes from God. Let's look at each phrase of this familiar prayer.

"Our Father Who art in heaven"

You have a Father in heaven who loves you. A friend of mine recently commented that she was hurting so badly because of the pain her daughter was experiencing. Sometimes the worse agony we can feel is the pain in the heart of our children. How true this is for our Heavenly Father. He knows the ache of every beat of your heart.  As your Father, He even knows how many hairs there are on your head! (see Luke 12:7) 

Be Real

You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted. You encourage them, and you listen to their cry. (Psalm 10:17 NIV)

Beautiful One, did you know that the Bible is relevant and full of real LIFE? Skim through it's pages and you will find, comedy, drama, suspense, crime, and action. From one chapter to the next, you never know what a character will do or say.

What gives me great hope is that I find the Bible to be real. The issues that people dealt with throughout the pages of history are not so different from what we face today. Take a good look and you will find betrayal, adultery, murder, rape, lies, and addiction, just to name a few.

What I find so interesting is that some of those issues came straight from the Holy people that we revere and respect today. Look at Abraham; he took another woman into his bedroom because his wife was too impatient to wait on God's promise for a child.

Noah, was a man of integrity and uprightness who God told to build a ship and even gave him the blueprints. Yet after this great work, we find him passed out in drunkenness and in a precarious situation with a family member.

Let’s Talk About Aging - Part 1

 

Our lives are gifts given to us by our all wise and loving Heavenly Father. If you have found yourself here on planet earth, then you are not an accident. You are loved and our Lord knows what you have need of; He has known from the beginning of time. He hand picked our parents for us before the foundation of the world.

Our parents are special and deserve our honor. When we make the effort to honor our parents, we are honoring God as well. Many of us go about our daily business with the watchful eyes of our parents along the sidelines of our lives, always standing in the wings. They are there for us ready to offer their help and guidance well into our middle aged years. For most of us, our parents have always been a source of encouragement and strength.

As the years pass, it may be difficult to notice some of the subtle changes that may be quite apparent as we grow and age because they develop rather slowly. As it applies to these changes, some could signal oncoming health problems. It is rather easy to overlook these signs. Maybe we are so used to leaning on our parents, trusting they will always be there, that we forget they too are perishable. If they are presently in fairly good health we may take this for granted.

Who Are You?

As I am writing this, I am meditating on the events of Holy Week. Each day I've been reading in the book of Luke a little about Jesus' last days in human flesh. I am overwhelmed by the thought that He left His glorious home with His Father to walk the sometimes painful life of a human. Because He chose to walk on this earth, He experienced fear and dread just as we do. I've tried to imagine what it was like to endure  a mock trial in which the religious authorities were determined to end His life. Of course, none of this was a surprise to Dearest Jesus. He had planned this event with His Father in the beginning. He knew that a painful death on a cruel cross was before Him.

Because Jesus knew exactly what was about to happen, He prayed to His Father asking that if there were any other way to redeem mankind, to please make it so. But, above all, He prayed that God's will be done. As you know, there was no other way. It was clear that He must endure the sin of the world on the cross. I've been trying to imagine how He, in His humanness, was able to face such an awful future.

Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God, and was returning to God;  (John 13:3 NIV)

This passage gives me a glimpse of what Jesus knew to be true. He knew He had come from God and was going back to God. I envision Jesus dwelling on this truth and rejecting all other negative thoughts with which He may have been tempted. I can hear him taking a deep breath and reminding Himself that He would soon reunite with His Father. Jesus knew who He was. He was God's Son. This had to be a great source of strength for Him.

Sexual Intimacy for Victims of Abuse

Sexual intimacy in marriage is significant problem if the wife is a child abuse survivor. The most important point to know about physical intimacy with someone who has been abused is that most often the person will emotionally disconnect from the act of lovemaking. Sex is very complicated to examine because it has an aspect that we don't truly even comprehend fully. 

God says in his Word, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24 NKJV).

The man is joined to his wife; therefore, the responsibility first falls on the husband to keep the union together. But what is more of a mystery to us is hearing that they will become one flesh, explaining the the union is indissoluble.

In marriages that a wife comes to her wedding night damaged by sexual abuse, love-making will be crippled. Some women shun sex, feeling disgusted  to be seen or touched. Others perform wild sex acts giving her body freely in anyway, because she feels dirty and unworthy. Either way her marriage will not have the beauty of physical marriage intimacy that God designed until the couples seeks godly counsel by an experienced professional sex therapist.

It s very common for a bride who has never been in the physical presence of a man to be shy or even nervous on her wedding night.  But think of the complications when the bride has had her physical innocence stolen through abuse and trauma. Can you even try to imagine the thoughts and feelings rushing though her body?

I Hear Your Voice!

Dear Child,

Do you ever wonder how I could possibly hear your voice? In the midst of all the sound in the world, and with all the loud attention-grabbing trouble that's around, how is it plausible? Do you wonder if it really matters at all if you talk to me? Can I really see you when you cry to sleep and do I know the burdens in your heart?

You turn on the news and hear about a child that has been missing. It seems a new accident or natural disaster is constantly being reported. And you see another story about the countries fighting wars. Apparently most leaders can't stop bickering and the people they govern go ignored. So, it is no wonder that you doubt that I can really hear your voice through the noise, cries and needs in the world.

I am not like another. I am the one and only true God. My abilities are limitless and quite higher than a human. Be assured deep within your soul - I Hear Your Voice! As the sheep knows the voice of the shepherd, I clearly hear your whisper. I know the voice of my child, as a mother interrupts the needs based on the tone of the infants whimper. I read the quiet of your heart beneath your words. Not one utter misses my notice, for you have My constant, doting attention. I eagerly await for you to direct your thoughts to Me.

To you, this is simply an impossibility, but never forget, I am God! I can do all things. Nothing is impossible for Me. And to hear your voice, this is one of the greatest things I do because I adore you and I so want a loving relationship with you. So believe Me, when I tell you that I am waiting, and I want to hear from you all through out your day.

Lindy Abbott 2010

Are You a Hypocrite?

Dear Child,

I don't even like asking you this question: "Are You a Hypocrite?"  It seems so ugly, and hurtful. The truth is I know already if you are, but I want you to examine your own heart. Do you know what else is true? The people closest to you, especially those you live and work with know the answer to this question also.

The Pharisees are a clear picture of a hypocrite. They practiced a lifestyle filled with holy rituals. They thought it was enough to do well. I look on the inside. Is your inner life holy? Are you compelled to do what I impress on your heart or do you follow a list of "do's" and "don't"? Have you ever been taught that I seek a relationship, not rituals and sacrifices? 

The Pharisees were very good at religion, masters of religious studies, but still they did not know Me. There is a difference in knowing about Me, and knowing Me. Think about a person that you know some information about like your neighbor or another parent at a ball field or school. You may know where they live, what kind of car they drive, how many children they have, even if they go to church or not . . .but are you related to them. Do you know them as you know your own parents, husband or child?

When you know Me, you are adopted by Me. I am your Father God, you are my child. We are related. The more time we spend together - the better you get to know Me. We have a permanent relationship: Father and daughter. Having a relationship with Me is the beginning.

If you say one thing or act a certain way when "people" are looking and listening, but are frankly different when no one is observing, you really need to take a very honest look at yourself. This is not a surface issue, dealing how you dress, what you eat, and were you go. No, you are going to have to be still and dive into the creases of your heart. The little folds and corners that you don't want light shined into.

Is your heart truly the same on the inside as it appears on the outside?

Lindy Abbott 2010

You Are Accepted

Dear Child,

Focus on what I am going to say, because it is hard to believe. You are accepted by Me. My love for you is not based on what you accomplish or your reputation. You are approved by Me because you have received what Jesus did for you. He finished the requirement you could never achieved for yourself. Once you are justified to be in My presence and you always will be. Your present, past and future is settled.

Every child born into the world has been born into sin; except for Jesus. While you were born from the seed of Adam, Jesus was begotten of the Holy Spirit. No one can be considered good, meaning sinless, not one. I know all about you. I am completely aware of every second of every day of your life. I am attentive to details and familiar with your ways.

I want you to know, I was there. It hurt Me so much because I wanted to step in, to get you to stop, and to wake you up to the truth. I am restrained by your freewill. I created you with an ability to choose for yourself. I wanted you to be able to make a heart decision for Me, for you to want to love Me with all your heart, mind, and spirit.

In knowing everything about you, even the things you can't even bring yourself to completely face, I love you through and through! When I think of you, I don't think of your past or your sin. . .I choose to see you through Jesus in all of His righteousness, Holy without a blemish, absolutely free from sin.

Now listen really close to these next words: How others think about you is irrelevant in My Kingdom. People are so often blind to their own sin. They want to forget they are in the same condition are everyone else, totally and utterly depraved; apart from Jesus no one has any hope of being qualified for heaven. So when someone looks down on you, reminds you of your past, rejects you, or brands you with your sin, look to Me.

I know it hurts, but you have to remember their opinion doesn't count. They may consider you disqualified, unwanted or an embarrassment to the church. I am so sorry they make you feel this way. Just remember, My prodigal girl, you are welcome in My home! And take these words to the core of your soul. . .you are accepted by Me!

My opinion of you is filled with My all-sufficient grace! I am your Father God - the Lawgiver and the Judge. I had the first Word and I will have the last Word! When your name is written in My Book of Life, you are accepted eternally.

Embrace this all the days of your life: "You are accepted! Welcome Home!"

Lindy Abbott 2010

What Stones are in Your Pocket?

There are a few Bible stories that most everyone knows even if they did not grow up attending church. One such story is David and Goliath. Even though many consider it a tale for children, it is rich in lessons for even the most mature Christian. In fact, it is referenced in a very excellent song by Casting Crowns called "The Voice of Truth."

"Oh, what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone, Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors shaking in their armor, wishing they'd have had the strength to stand.
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me time and time again,
'Boy, you'll never win, you'll never win, you'll never win'."

Ministry is Messy

Have you seen her? She doesn't wear the latest fashions. Her clothes hang limply masking her shape. She is not a ruffly kind of girl. Her hair isn't stylish. Frequently it looks like she forgot to wash it so she either pulls it back or rolls it on top of her head as a last minute thought. She has little if any makeup, no showy  colors or crisp eyeliner to draw attention to her eyes. Doesn't she know how to look her best?

Have you heard her? Sometimes she talks too much other times not at all. Her words are raw, truth sent forth with the tip of a sword. She doesn't know how to watch her words. She ignores common etiquette on what is socially acceptable to talk about in public. Her words are heavy, careless and can sting as is if she dipped her words in poison before letting them go. Doesn't she know people don't talk that way?

Have you felt her?  Her presence is insignificant, if it weren't for the lurking aura of inadequacy. You try to pretend you don't notice her as she holds back from the crowd. She looks around, uncomfortably, obviously wanting to fit in. Out of nowhere she springs into the center of a conversation. She over-reacts, is hyper-sensitive and pushes for affirmation. It is so awkward how her interactions sway between being non-existent to obnoxious. Doesn't she know people don't relate to her comments?

Organized Care

It's always nice to be given a new beginning! We have all made mistakes and the prospects of a new year provides an initiative for us to begin anew. As caregivers, we manage our own affairs in addition to that of our loved ones. If we are not organized by nature, things can quickly become lost and in a state of disarray. In order to better equip ourselves to manage adequate care for our loved ones and still look to our own needs, it makes perfect sense to establish a do-able game plan and acquire the means to help us maintain some organization.  

Let us begin by evaluating some key areas when it comes to care-giving. We need to take a close look at our own lives as well as those of our loved ones that we are providing care for. We will start by examining our own lives first. We'll do this by making a list. Title the first column as shown below in the sample, then proceed to list your daily/weekly responsibilities, etc.

My Commitments and Responsibilities Within My Home

1. Meal preparation and planning - Daily
2. Laundry and clothes - Weekly

Continue to list obligations and chores in this fashion.

You will be surprised how much more smoothly your day will unfold when you take the time to write everything down. It's far too easy to forget things when it pertains to ourselves and our own lives in general. We tend to get so caught up in the lives of those we are caring for that we forget we can't do an adequate job of caring if our own lives are out of order.

Whatever Is!

Beautiful One, many of us have heard the words made famous by Doris Day, "Whatever will be, will be." Maybe you've spoken them yourself as if to tell yourself to accept things that are out of our control. However, may I suggest that we don't settle in life for such a fate and, instead, focus on what truly determines our outcome? . .  that whatever God says IS, will be.

How many times have we encountered hardship and, because we did not deal with it effectively, found ourselves silently succumbing to the lie that we have not control and things won't change? That is very easy to do and, when the battle is long and hard, it takes a toll. One day we find that our faith has been seared, our trust is gone, and we cannot imagine things being any different then our circumstances dictate.

Beautiful One, may I encourage you with this: Hard times, long battles and, yes, even doubt and fear have a purpose. When we are spiritually and emotionally empty and have nothing left inside, that is when God does some of his best work. Sometimes in order for us to truly live, we have to die to everything we have known or experienced up to that point.

Sowing in Tears

I've always loved getting my hands dirty. I mean literally getting them dirty with garden dirt. Apparently its hereditary because my mom, my sister and my brother have the same love. Every year I anxiously await the time when my Ohio garden thaws out from the winter freeze so that I can begin to till the soil and prepare it for the seeds that I will plant. I know I should wear gloves to protect my hands, but that takes some of the fun out of it for me. I just like the feel of the dirt between my fingers. If you're in my neighborhood in the springtime, you'll very likely see me on my hands and knees planting sunflower seeds, zinnia seeds, and marigold seeds. I love covering them up and watering them. Then I wait for the blooms. What a reward!

The Israelites used to sing a song about sowing a different kind of seed as they journeyed to the temple to celebrate various festivals in remembrance of grace of God. Psalm 126 was one such song.

The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy,
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him. (Psalm 126:3,5-6 NIV)

Disappearing Days

My therapist tells me that 'disappearing days' can occur when part of my soul is shutting me down. An alternative part, an alter within my soul, is afraid of being hurt, doesn't want to feel, is frightened of being forced to remember or experiences situations too horrible for words to describe takes over, and therefore, it shuts me down. So, a person can experience times of appearing to go away.

She wants to check out of life, since she is unable to handle the strong feeling. Amazingly, an alter, a part of one's soul that evolved through trauma, is able to take over the adult self, dragging her awareness to a lower level of consciousness. It is when this happens that a person can no longer will herself to do as she chooses. She is no longer the one willing. She is experiencing a disappearing day.

If you have ever suffered from depression, even mild postpartum depression, you know what it is like to not feel yourself. You know your emotionally unstable, but you can't seem to will yourself to do anything about it. Our free will is not as powerful as we imagine.While we use our free will daily, often many of our actions are habit. 

In Case You Didnt Know

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8 NIV)

Beautiful One, how many times have you heard that God loves you?  And, out of all those times, have you thought, Really? Then, why am I going through this?  When that question arises it is often because we are experiencing a difficult season. Troubling times can make us question God, Do you really love me? 

But, did you know you can love God and still question His love for you? You can have an innate desire to follow him, yet struggle in your efforts to follow Him. This can cause ripples in your spiritual life that, in your mind, create conflict in your relationship with God.

For most of us, it's part of the process: Trouble, doubt, and shortcomings all play a part in the production of us!  And, if we can be real and not put on a facade to impress others, God will use all of us no matter who we are. He will turn what we've been through around and use it for something good. In fact, the bigger the mess He has to work with, the greater the message of how awesome He is will be!

Going On or Going Under

She was at a crossroads of her life. It would be so easy to just give up. After all, this was not the dream she had for herself as a small girl growing up in Moab. For as long as she could remember, she wanted nothing more than to be a good wife and mother. Ruth counted herself fortunate to have met and married the young man named Kilion. He and his family had moved to Moab from Judah years before.

This family from Judah was very different from the families of her homeland. They had a faith in the one true God of Israel that was unshakable and a great source of personal strength. They were going to need that strength now. Everything had changed. Her father-in-law, brother-in-law, and now her own husband had died. She was a widow. Now what would she do?

The Old Testament story of Ruth is not only heartwarming and inspiring, but is a proclamation of how much God loves and cares for even the least of us. Ruth was not a great leader and she was not royalty; it is not even clear if she was a great beauty. A probable reason the story of Ruth is included in the Holy Bible is the fact that this incredible woman was determined to follow God.

Snappy, Crabby, Bite Ya Head Off

I am so guilty! I am so ashamed. How can I ever repair relationships I tear down with my out of control rages? I don't deserve these relationships. I am so unworthy. When I repeatedly fail so miserably how can I ever hope for a healthy, loving family. I know that I am one of the major problems in my life, so it is hard to feel good about facing another day. Let's face it - if I get out of bed, chances are good that I am going to hurt someone.

Can you relate? Do you struggle or have a love one that struggles with bouts of rage? No one likes being easily triggered and snapped. It is hard to normally be a joyful person who loves people,God and life, but in an instant you can turn into some kind of wild, angry, yelling monster. After the ugly words roll off the tongue, deep regret follows. Why do we angrily destroying someone we love so much?

A chemical change takes place in the body. The adrenaline hormone is rushing high because a trauma trigger has been tripped. It is like an explosion - like someone stepped on a land-mind that you didn't plant, so you were not ready for the rapid change in your body. A trauma trigger is anything that unconsciously opens the emotions of a traumatic event, and therefore the intense fear (or emotion) starts the body releasing adrenaline, which is the fight, flight or freeze hormone in our body. The emotion of fear is usually not felt, but anger rages in its place.

Thank You! Gratitude Heals

  

The other day I read in Luke 17 the true story of the ten lepers whom Jesus healed -- from sores and blisters, missing digits and, even worse I think, alienation, to wholeness. Complete wholeness of body. 

One -- only one -- of the lepers returned to thank him.

Why didn't the others?
As I've counseled Christian women, I've made the age-old observation: Hurting people hurt. As you may have surmised, hurting people -- in part because they hurt -- withhold words of gratitude. I don't think this is purposeful. It is another sign of their pain: looking inward.

Here are Counselors' Coach, you'll continue to discover ways to comfort your hurting Christian friend and minister to her. You'll know she's getting better when she shows an attitude of gratitude.

She is no longer a living example of the beaten man whom the Good Samaritan hoisted on his donkey and brought to an inn, where he bandaged his wounds and paid for is stay (Luke 10:30-35). Now she is encouraging others. She is becoming a comforter, just as God said.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God" (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

Well Done

Dear Child,

I don't judge the way the world does. I look into the heart of each and see who is truly surrendered to live their life under My Lordship. Some will choose to live life selfishly doing what they want, seeking to satisfy their desires or to be "big" in the eyes of others. Dear Child, I want you to live to the fullest. When you live sacrificially, giving your will to Me, you join Me in kingdom work. Trust Me,  I will produce the increase.

You might not be able to see the growth produced in the hearts of others as you serve Me, but in trusting Me, leave the effect of your obedience to Me. I will produce the increase as you walk in faith with Me. Never allow the world's judgment to cloud your obedience remembering that people can't see what I can see, and often they don't know what I have told you. Listen for My voice. I will guide you through life.

You are not in a competition for My love or approval, so don't compare your part in kingdom work to others. I love each of My children without partiality. I want all of my precious children to be conformed daily into the image of Jesus, becoming more single-minded toward Me, separated unto Me.

To be faithful, in surrendering to Me, you must spend time with Me. The things of the world will constantly compete for your attention and heart. This is a competition you must resist in-order to  grow in knowing Me and allowing Me to teach you.  In doing so, you will always be living your life to do My good and perfect will, and  you will hear Me proclaim to you, "Well done, My good and faithful servant! Well done!"

Lindy Abbott 2010

In the Hollow of His hands

I've always been fascinated by hands. As a little girl I can remember sitting in church holding my mother's hand and studying its details. She has the most beautiful and strong fingernails. She never fusses with them, they just grow naturally strong and long. I've often thought she could have been a hand model when she was younger because of their near perfection. Those same hands that are so scrubbed and beautiful on Sunday mornings are often covered in dirt during the week because she is an avid gardener. She has always said she likes nothing better than getting her hands in the dirt!

I've also studied my dad's hands. I've never seen hands with more character. If hands could be described as muscular, the word would apply to Dad's hands. As a carpenter, he has used his hands to create masterpieces and repair wooden furnishings almost every day of his life. They are how he earned his living and, as a result, are rough and calloused. The tip of one of his fingers is missing as a result of an unfortunate encounter with a table saw. But Dad's hands reflect who he is: a stronger worker. Now that my parents are in their eighties, my dad's strong hands lovingly prepare  meals for my Mom and fill her pill box with her essential medications. Mom is no longer able to do it herself because of failing eye sight.

When Loving God Hurts, Is When Loving God Matters the Most....

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18 NIV)

Beautiful One, what happens to us when we've been through a crisis and we weren't completely healed  from it and tried to move on? But, while moving on we end up making huge mistakes along the way due to our lack of healing. 

Have you ever done something you never thought possible? Have you ever denied and violated your own principles and beliefs? Maybe no one knows about it; only you and God. But, because you've done it, you feel like you don't deserve God's grace and love even though you basked in it previously. Maybe a voice continually whispers, "You knew better, now you've done it!" So you allow the pain to fester. You silently suffering while going about life still trying to do the best you can.

Beautiful One, your forgetting something. Your best will never be good enough, just like your worst will never be so bad, that you can't recover. Sometimes being a Christian hurts. We have unspoken expectations of ourselves, God, and others. When met with any challenges that questions these expectations, it causes us to fear that it's all not as good as we thought. Our hope and confidence fades while pain takes its toll and we become weary.

What About the Abuser?

Two weeks ago I wrote about the perplexing question many people suffering from trauma eventually ask in their path to healing, "God, Did You Allow This to Happen to Me?"

The question that often follows is: "What About the Abuser?" People who have been horrifically abused want to know if she forgives her abuser(s) how will they be punished for what they did. Personally, I felt it was my responsibility to never forget the abuse done to everyone in my home so that my abusive father and passive-allowing mother would pay. I didn't want everyone to forget or pretend nothing happen and all the abuse brushed under the carpet in a state of pretend reality.

When questions come up about trying to understand God and abusive circumstances in our lives, freewill is often a good beginning place. In any conversation about "Why God?" a person must realize everyone in the world has been given the ability to decide and choose, but the answers to a hurting soul's questions does end with freewill. As you read in last week's article, the hurting people must move toward God's redemption that is available to all who sin. As hard as it is to swallow this truth, God's love, forgiveness, grace, and redemption is available to your abusers, just as it is for you.

More Presents to Unwrap

What fun it is to unwrap a present! The anticipation! The guessing! Let's face it, it's part of the magic of the Christmas season. Truthfully, as much as I like to open a present, I enjoy watching a child unwrap a present even more. I am a great-aunt to six children and ,oh, the sound of them opening their presents on Christmas is beautiful. I can still see the paper and bows flying every where as they impatiently tear into their gifts. Of course, we get pictures of all of it. Then, the play time begins. Every toy has to be tried out. Every outfit has to be tried on. I'm usually exhausted at the end of the day just observing all of the activity of the children.

I have a friend who does not have any children of her own. However, she and her husband have unofficially adopted the children of their best friends. On Christmas morning, they roll out of bed at 7:00 AM and - still in their pajamas - drive to the home of their adopted children so they can be there when they get up and watch them open their gifts. That's how much enjoyment they get from it.

But, imagine never opening the presents. What if you had just left your presents under the tree this year having decided to just look at the beautiful paper and ribbons. What if the children woke up on Christmas morning and just sat around the tree and gazed upon their gifts. They would never be able to play with their new toys. They would never be able to feel the warmth of the new sweatshirt or new socks. If you had received a new coffee maker from your spouse, you would never enjoy the coffee that machine produced. What good would that be?

Detours, Determination and Destiny

Beautiful One, have you been cruising along the freeway of life and suddenly found yourself on an unexpected detour? When detours arise without warning, it is hard to react quick enough to get back on track; we just hold and hope for the best.

Detours, bumps in the road, and even road blocks happen to everyone. Some are foreseeable and we can sometimes avoid them. However, there are obstacles that come out of nowhere like the loss of a job, physical or mental abuse, an affair, or even illness. Maybe a loved one dies. Maybe you woke up one day and realized you're addicted. These are just a few of the unexpected detours that insert themselves into our lives.

These sudden back roads can be painful and difficult to recover from. It doesn't help that we alienate ourselves from others. Systematically we push others away as the pain festers within because we feel afraid and misunderstood. Slowly but surely we become the product of complacency, tolerance and indecision. As time passes, we become so familiar on our detoured route that even if we wanted to make a turn for the better, the fear is so great within us, that we opt to stay in our misery.

God, Did You Allow This To Happen To Me?

How many times have you heard it said "If God is a God of love, why did He let this happen?" Just this week, we are seeing one of the greatest disaster in the history of the world. Tens of thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands, of Haitians are dead, buried in the ruble of cement buildings that crumbled in an earthquake. Sadly, the news coming out of Haiti is getting worse, not better.

During times like these, it is not unusual for people who never consider God to asked God-sized questions: "How could this happen?", "Why did this happen?", and "Who can help these suffering people?" When people come to the end of their rope, they turn to God. However, this turning does not always mean they are seeking to know the Creator. Horrific disasters illicit anger and hinder one's belief in an all-knowing, all-seeing, all-capable God.

The same holds true for people who have been abused by those they should have been able to trust. The very ones who were to love and protect them, inflicted unspeakable wounds. It is impossible to recover from abuse and trauma without asking this question, "God, did you allow this to happen?"

It may not be those exact words. Many variations have the same meaning: "God, why didn't you stop it?", "God, how could you weave me in my mother's womb knowing  what would happen to me?", "God, why did you give me those parents?", "God, why didn't you help me?", "God, how could you have watched?", or "God, where were You when I was being abused?" The questions are almost endless and difficult to hear.

Isn't this the big question that is so hard to answer?  I cannot tell you how many times I have asked this. Not in a complaining, whining, poor me way, but in a honest searching quest of wanting to better understand God and my life.

According To God

Beautiful One, yesterday is gone, tomorrow has yet to arrive, here we are in today! Today, let's diminish the lies, cast off the regret, and determine in our hearts to be all we were created to be. Whether we win or lose in life does not matter; it's how we play the game that defines who we are . . . according to God!

I am amazed at the many goals and expectations the New Year tempts us to set. We are more inclined to make new goals and set fresh standards in January more than at any other time. What fascinates me is that even though this can be a good thing, it can also be an easy recipe for failure. What often happens is that if we lacked discipline in the previous year, we will probably struggle with it in a new year. Our goals and resolutions sound great and invigorate our hearts and minds, but just because it is January 1 of a new year, doesn't mean discipline automatically enters the picture.

This is just one example illustrating how we tend to think and operate in our daily lives; we start out committed and excited, then life happens. Work, kids, bills, you know . . .  life! Slowly and unintentionally our resolve starts wane and all our good intentions fly out the window. It's as if we think that just by setting goals, we will automatically attain them without any effort.

Beautiful One, I'm not saying we should not try new things or attempt to better ourselves; absolutely! try it, but start small and build from there. We need goals; we need fresh perspective in our lives.

However, what we need more than anything is a renewed mind; free of worry and doubt, but refueled with the Spirit. A mind that is at peace with God, so in return we will have peace within ourselves. In order for us to embrace a new beginning, we need to free our hearts and our minds from all the old things. Today is a new day, and the things that worked against you are old. God has something new to lay hold of and we simply cannot embrace it if our minds are already full of old stuff that needs renewal.

The Story Behind the Song

 

All things work together for good to them who love God.  (Romans 8:28 KJV)

How can anything good come from losing someone I loved so much? How can God possibly be glorified through this tragedy? Have you asked yourself these questions? The journey of mourning often makes the verse in Romans seem impossible. The fog brought on by the pain of loss makes it difficult to see beyond the next moment, let alone the next week or the next year. But the truth is that God will weave a beautiful tapestry of all the events of your life that will touch and encourage the lives of others. Today, I would like to look at a couple of examples of how God used the most painful times in the lives of Christians to inspire them to compose beautiful hymns of praise.

Horatio Spafford was a successful lawyer in Chicago who was a deeply spiritual man. In 1870 Horatio's 4 year old son died of scarlet fever. The following year, he lost all of his real estate investment in the great Chicago fire. In 1873 when the famous evangelist D.L. Moody went to Great Britian for an evangelistic campaign, Horatio Spafford decided to take his wife and four daughters to England to assist in the mission. When a business problem came up, Spafford elected to stay behind but sent his family ahead to England with plans to soon join them. His family boarded the S.S. Ville du Havre and began the trip across the Atlantic Ocean. On November 22, the ship with Horatio's family aboard was struck by an English vessel and sank immediately. His wife survived but all four of his daughters drown. Spafford took the next ship to England to be with his wife. When he came to the location on that lonely ocean where his precious daughters perished, he wrote this poem that was later set to music. Perhaps you will recognize it.

"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, It is well with my soul."

The Heart of Christmas, Caring for Your Loved One

 What comes to mind when you think upon Christmas?  Does your memory conjure up images of snow, presents under the tree, and lots of good food? I’m sure that it does.  But if you are busy caring for an ill loved one, thoughts of preparing for the Christmas celebrations may cause you to feel stressed and worried.  

You’re probably asking yourself questions such as these; “When will I find extra time to shop for presents, or bake Christmas cookies, not to mention throwing up at least a few decorations?”  I’m here to remind to you today that Christmas shouldn’t produce these feelings of fear and or dread.  If it does we need to remind ourselves that our priorities are somewhat out of alignment.  Lets take a deep breath and slow down for a moment.  Nothing else is more important than our relationship with Christ and that of our loved ones.  If we stress and fret over the many little to-do’s, we inadvertently chip away and lose precious time in these two vital areas of relationship!

Do you remember a certain fad from years ago? The one that most every Christian teen wore around their wrist or on their person in some way shape or form?  I’m sure you do.  It was the WWJD fad.  Do you remember what the acronym stands for?  It cautions the observer to stop and think, “What Would Jesus Do”?  If Jesus were in our shoes,  how would He respond in this given situation?

I still own a long key chain with these letters on it.  I continue to practice asking myself how Jesus would respond in my personal situations.  For a moment, lets stop and think about how the Lord would have us approach the celebration of His birth, particularly as it applies to the responsibility of caring for another.  The greatest gift that we can give to each other is our time, love and patience.  It’s nice that we exchange gifts with one another, and equally nice to have presents under the tree.  But remember God loves those who give out of a happy heart.

Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. (2 Corinthians 9:7 NIV)

Celebrate!

But now, this is what the LORD says—  he who created you, O Jacob, "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;  and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." (Isaiah 43: 1-7 NIV)

Beautiful One, here we are in the middle of the holiday season; its arrival may have surprised some of us. Christmas is a beloved time of year. We celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior as we gather together with family and friends. It is a season of giving to others and celebrating the culmination of every good thing in our lives. But, truly . . . how are you feeling?

For many, Christmas is a time filled with deep sadness. For those who are disconnected and displaced from friends and loved ones, this time of year can actually be depressing. Maybe painful memories fill the air instead of holiday cheer.

Beautiful One, we tend to be more sensitive to the reality of mishaps and misfortunes in our lives this time of year. Maybe it's because it is appropriate to spend time with our loved ones, or the individual expectations that everyone seems to have. But, what if your family is at odds? Pride and bitterness fill the punch bowl, and all who partake of the misery are tainted in some way. It can be stressful, if not explosive!

Traveling with a Disabled Person

 

As Christmas approaches, many people will be traveling to spend time with family and friends. My parents and sister are visiting from South Africa and I've been reminded of the challenges that disabled people face when away from their home environment. My sister has mental and physical disabilities and although she can walk, she is slow and unsteady on her feet and needs a supporting hand when out of the house. I've had to slow my pace and look for the best ways to help her and accommodate her needs.

This got me thinking about disabled visitors. If you have a disabled friend or relative visiting over the holiday season, there are ways to make life easier for them. A little forward planning can go a long way so read through these suggestions and make plans and preparations before they arrive.

Accommodation for People with Disabilities

Depending on the type of disability, a person may have specific needs when it comes to living arrangements. Meeting these requirements as far as possible can make the visit a pleasant one for all concerned. These are some of the areas to consider. Does the person need a special bed? What height, type of mattress and firmness is required? Will protective sheets be necessary and what about a safety rail? Do they prefer to shower or bath and do they need a bath seat or other equipment? Is your home wheelchair friendly and are there stairs and uneven surfaces? It is possible to hire some equipment and the best thing to do, is discuss the issues with the person concerned before making arrangements.

What about the Garden

People with mobility problems and impaired vision will find a hilly garden with rock features and narrow paths difficult to manage. If you are planning on outdoor entertaining, try and center this around areas that are suitable for your guests. Flat paved areas with shelter from the elements are ideal. Be careful of any loose stones or cracks that could snag a crutch or trip someone up. If you have a pool, invite the disabled person to join in the fun. Many find water exercise ideal and with assistance can have a great time. Even if they prefer to sit on the steps and splash around, it will be enjoyable for them.

Thanksgiving Leftovers

I don't know about you, but I always double the recipes for our Thanksgiving meal. I like to have leftovers! I guess you could say I enjoy them as much as I do the actual meal - for different reasons. Thanksgiving is all about family, friends, and gratitude. But, the weekend after Thanksgiving is devoted to the leftovers; and that's all about food!. I love talking about the recipes you typically only use with the turkey and dressing leftovers. My favorite is a casserole made with turkey, sour cream, cream of mushroom soup and dressing on top. My plan is to try a new recipe this year for Turkey Enchiladas. My point is that Thanksgiving Day is wonderful and special. But the days following can be special in terms of food. To me, the word "leftovers" does not have a negative meaning. It has a yummy meaning.

Here's another fact about me. I'm a quilter. I love working with fabric, cutting out a pattern, and sewing the pieces together to make a quilt. In my mind, quilts are a work of art. I know they are also a work of love. If you have ever pieced a quilt before, you know that there are always tons of scraps leftover from the original piece of fabric. True to character I suppose, the scraps are one of my favorite parts. The unexpected shapes and fabric pieces can be combined to make some of the most beautiful art quilts. One of my favorite styles of art quilts is a Crazy Patch. When you create a Crazy Patch quilt, you simply start with one little scrap and randomly add other scraps until you have a whole quilt. With this technique of quilting, one is never really sure of the outcome, you're only sure it's going to be a magical mosaic of color and shape; made out of scraps, no less.

If you are grieving the loss of someone you loved, perhaps you are looking at the rest of your life without them as "leftovers". Perhaps you feel as if your life has been left in oddly shaped scraps. While this may be true, the good news is that the rest of your life can still be beautiful. Imagine taking the leftovers of the world that you knew before and combining them to make a delicious new recipe. It is a different taste but still delicious. Think about the pile of scraps that used to be your existence. Do they look useless to you? Start picking them up, rearranging them. Stitch them together and see the beautiful quilt they can become. Then display your artwork with pride.

Eve, A Crowned Jewel

Now Cain said to his brother Abel, "Let's go out to the field." And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him. (Genesis 4:8 NIV)

Beautiful One, what happens when someone's actions are hurtful, and their consequences affect you directly? What happens when a child, spouse, parent, or sibling does the unthinkable? How do we move forward when the pain holds us back?

I have spent a lot of time thinking about Eve, the first woman. In my opinion she is the crown God placed upon creation. God formed and fashioned her according to his own image using a rib from the Adam, the first man. God didn't just call her out, He carefully and skillfully took his time with her. (I like to think that God saved the best for last.)

Eve was beautifully formed and chosen, given by God himself in the Garden Of Eden to be a companion and helper to her husband. Eve was fully equipped to provide Adam with love, companionship and the help he needed. I think we sometimes forget what an incredible treasure woman is.

Eve was created and existed in a beautiful place, but heartache and hardship were just around the corner.  Adam and Eve were banished from the lush garden when they disobeyed God said turned their ears to the voice of another.

5 Steps to have a Happy Holiday in a Dysfunctional Family

One holiday down! Now we are smack-dab in the "Holiday Season."  Whatever happen on Thanksgiving, there is not one single thing you can do to change it now. But, if something did go really wrong, you can take time to talk about it, even if the only person that is willing to discuss it is God. Are there any people you need to ask for forgiveness? Were you selfish? Were you selfless? Both are sinful, simply two sides of the same sinful coin. 

Holidays are most people's favorite times of the year, but for dysfunctional families it can be the worst of times. It is during these festive of times that the abuse and dysfunction bubble to the surface. Not that abuse happens only during the holidays, but the fact is that the pain is more intense this time of year. And the more intense the pain, the more apt those hurting are to spew their sickness on to others. "Happy Holidays" takes on a whole different meaning for survivors of abuse or those drowning in dysfunction!

There is good news. God gives each of us freewill to choose, and we have a lot of choices to make. When you are God's child, you no longer need to fear what man can do to you, or live to please man. You are free to live for God, and to listen to His desires for your safety, peace, and joy. Out of your weaknesses, He can be strong. So, where does one begin? Here are five simple steps to apply to this season so you can approach holidays to make them happy for you and your own family.

Are our Churches Disability Friendly

In recent years, a greater awareness of the need for disabled-friendly buildings has arisen. Most new structures are built with this in mind and in many countries, public buildings are required to provide wheelchair access and wheelchair toilets. Even so, there are often times when disabled people may feel uncomfortable in a church environment.

What does a Church Building need to be Disabled-friendly

People with mobility issues or wheelchairs and those with sight problems need level floors, wide doors and access ramps. Wheelchair toilets are a must and flat wide paths through garden areas are useful. The best way to determine what a particular facility is lacking is to ask disabled people who make regular use of it. It may be something as simple as a hand rail or it may require major renovations. At the end of the day, can we place a price on making our church user-friendly?

What other ways can a Church cater for the Disabled

There are many little actions that show people with disabilities that the church cares for them and is willing to accommodate their needs. Simple things like taking communion to someone in a wheelchair can save them the difficulty of maneuvering their way to the front. Seating deaf people in the front will enable them to lip read if there is no Sign Language interpreter present. What about taking a chair off the end of a row so a wheelchair can park there? There is no reason why people in wheelchairs should have to sit at the back week after week. Are guide dogs welcome to sit in the service and are large print notices or hymn books available for visually impaired people?

Are Services and Gatherings Punctual

While there is a place for flexibility, the needs and routines of people with disabilities need to be considered. If a person or group are dropped and collected by a bus at certain times, it can be disappointing for them to miss the end of a sermon or the chance to socialize after a service. If there is a special celebration service or similar happening, find out if their timetable can be adjusted for that Sunday. It means a lot to people when their circumstances are considered.

Here Comes That Dreamer

"Here comes that dreamer!" they said to each other. (Genesis 37:19 NIV)

Beautiful One, did you know that without a dream, your dream can't come true? And while were on the subject, since when do dreams know boundaries anyway?

We are rapidly approaching the end of another year. Maybe we started this year with great expectations. As we moved through the months maybe our expectations or goals encountered troubles that seemed to push us back and down. Whether we were setback or moved forward doesn't really matter. In the end, everything we encountered is all part of God's plan. Everything will work together and for our good. Imagine that! Think about it this way: setbacks are actually setups. Setbacks can be the very blueprints for our amazing comebacks. If we allow it, they can be the catalyst that ushers us into the very thing God had in store for us all along.

Beautiful One, we need to remember that God is in control at all times. The Bible clearly tells us that the steps of a man are directed by the Lord (Proverbs 20:24 NIV). So, if you have stepped into trouble somewhere along the way, be of good cheer! There has never been a step you have taken that God himself didn't already foresee and make provision for.

Breaking the Cyle of Abuse - Part 3

Breaking the cycle of abuse is one of the most important responsibilities of a survivor. It is critical and godly work to stop the sinful cycle of family abuse that often exists in the spiritual realm as a generational curse. You may not find status, financial wealth, career bliss, or other worldly measure of success, but you can and must press into God with a tenacious heart that will not let go until God breaks the cycle of abuse.

Speaking from personal experience, sometimes it can feel like you are trying to turn the Titanic 180 degrees, in slow-motion style, away from the iceberg it is about to hit. It will not be an easy life and you will learn again and again to repent, die to self, and claim each victory for the Lord. But, it is through being so needy that you will also succeed and grow deeply with God.

If someone along the way promised you a life that would be 'happily ever after', they lied. Especially if it was promised by someone trying to convince you to become a Christian and have all your problems dissolve into blessing from above. Just like many Cinderella stories, it sounds nice and hopeful, but it just isn't reality. Chances are you will suffer; sometimes even more intensely in this world if you are living a life surrendered to God.