Take Root and Write

The Grass Is Not Always Greener

A few weeks ago, my husband and I began planning our family vacation. We discussed several fun places to visit. After contemplating for a week, we agreed to return to our hometown. As part of our plans, we scheduled activities for the family, for kids, and for adults only.

We booked reservations at a hotel we like and mapped out some of our favorite restaurants. Things were falling into place and the dayof our departure was rapidly approaching; we were ready to enjoy time with our friends and family back home.

However, the day before we were to leave, my excited anticipation was usurped by sadness, misunderstanding, and anger. As our departure approached, little bothersome things opened the door for the devil to manipulate me. Thankfully in my quiet time, God allowed me to see that the grass is not always greener on the other side. If I water mine, it will be green too.

Pray for Your Husband

Several weeks ago, I was driving home on a long, curvy road that was as boring as a physics lecture oozing from the lips of monotone college professor. I began talking with God because it always helps time pass. During this time of communing, He spoke to me using a terrible tornado that had passed through my town a few days ago as His starting point.

The sight of uprooted trees and damaged homes startled me as I navigated the winding road through the countryside. Debris was strewn in yards, fences were broken in half, and several houses stood apart from their foundations. In the midst of all this devastation God spoke to me about my marriage. He reminded me of the terrible storm that blew through my relationship.

The strong gusty winds of fear, anger and depression uprooted the covenant I shared with my husband. Like the houses separated from their foundations, my spouse and I experienced a similar disconnect. God showed me that sometimes things need to be torn down so that they can be rebuilt. It was part of His plan to use my pain to make our marital foundation stronger than before. The next step He required as part of the process required me to build a foundation by praying for my husband.

Rest

Grappling with the idea of being a stay at home mom has been perplexing. The more I attempted to  humanly understand, the more I became confused. Due to the confusion, I began to seek God on a consistent basis. season. At that point, I gave all my concerns, issues and questions over to God.

My seeking could be compared to a leaking faucet. Nonetheless, I discovered that that confusion was my fault. I simply failed to ask God what is it that He would have me to do.  In return God put it on my heart to rest. 

My finite understanding of rest was certainly eye raising. Not clear on the task,God began to illustrate. Not long ago, I was in a spiritual battle. The battle manifested through the form of adultery. The enemy pounced in and wounded me. Almost, to the point of death. My ignorance to the severity wounds, forced me to bandaged them and continue life as normal. "My people perish because of a lack of knowledge" (Hosea 4:6, KJV).

Unfortunately we as women and wives alike facade the issue of infidelity. We try to hold everything  together for the sake of appearance. We bottle up our emotions and believe for the best. We even downplay or even ignore the issue hoping the problem will work itself out. God is not in the business of leaving us in a state of chaos. "He heals the broken hearted and bounds up their wounds" (Psalms 147:3, KJV). 

Log in My Eyes

 

The other day I decided to let my husband know "how I really felt." I thought he wanted to know when he asked me, "Honey, what's wrong?" I think you know where I went with this. To me, it was an opportunity to let him know what he was doing wrong in our marriage.

I thought he wanted to know how things in the past still bothered me. I thought he wanted me to tell him how he was supposed to fix my broken heart. I was on a roll that just kept on rolling. I had my finger moving in the shape of a "Z" and my neck was shifting my head from side to side. I had it going on girl! So I thought.

When I looked in the mirror of my heart I couldn't see my eyes! Why? Because not only did I have one log in one eye, I had a log in both my eyes!

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? Luke 6:41 (NIV)

Transition to Submission

My family and I recently moved to a new state that provided many adjustments. I was not to worried because change is usually good.The opportunity to meet new people, experience a more frigid climate, and walk a different career path was exciting for me. Days and months passed while my enthusiasm slowly fizzled. All that I looked forward to and dreamed about was not happening. I was unemployed and at home. Oh no, this must be a mistake. I am an educated professional with two degrees. I kept rehearsing this apparent mistake on the stage of my mind.Then after several weeks of denial, I finally accepted who I really was. A wife and mother who was in transition to submission.

During this time I heard an old cliche, "If you want to make God laugh tell him your plans". I had no doubt that I would be employed once I settled in my new state; that literally was my main focus. So to accomplish this goal, I completed several online employment applications. I also applied for jobs in person. For eight weeks I frequented the post office and pounded the pavement mailing and submitting applications! By the ninth week, I became discouraged as I danced a dance that did not yield any results. So, I decided to put my energy elsewhere.

Un-Forgiveness

It was a clear cool day. The kind that makes you want to take that long walk that you've been putting off. So - I'm feeling pretty good about myself and can feel God smiling down on me. I ask Him to search my heart and show me what I need to work on.

Unforgiveness. Lord? Did you just tell me I have unforgiveness in my heart? I am a praying woman of God. I ask for forgiveness more often than not. There was something hidden in the corner of my heart. Something I chose not to deal with. Something that I needed to hand over to God.

As I searched my heart I realized that I had been harboring a deep anger toward my husband and I didn't know what to do about it. I did what came easy to me - I ignored it. When it finally came to surface, I had to make a choice. Either it was going to control me or I would allow God to help me control it. I asked God to show me how to deal with this and I am going to share it with you.

Get Out of the Box

I was talking with a relative about attending an event when it took a turn for the worse. A million and one reasons of why I could not attend dominated the conversation. The reasons played like a broken record. The, as if struck by like bolt of lightning, my mind immediately shifted and I was reminded of how God sometimes prompts us to move from a place of comfort to the less secure. His sweet spirit in the still of that morning compelled me to step out of the box.

Transition is not always easy, however, it is required to be women of God. My marriage, which has been no bed of roses, has taught me much about transition and stepping out of my box. Thankfully we serve a God that provides the much needed grace and mercy we need to live each day anew and endure the trials that ultimately make us wiser and stronger.

Master Tune Up

From time to time I need to take our car in for a tune up. A basic tune up consists of changing the air and fuel filters, spark plugs, timing belts, and valves. In the same way, from time to time I need a tune up in my heart and spirit.

Living a Christian life with an unsaved spouse can put my spiritual engine into overdrive. I become weary as anger and bitterness creep into my heart. It becomes difficult to be pleasant and my patience runs low. It's during these times that I realize I need a MASTER TUNE UP in my heart.

Love Is...

You may remember the "Love is" comic strips that would appear in the Sunday paper. It was about a cartoon couple that clearly loved each other. The comic strip expressed love with clever notes like "Love is ... not asking her how much her new dress cost" or "Love is ... what causes you to loose your concentration".

I always looked forward to reading those comic strips. It became part of my fantasy relationship with my future husband. However, Love is much more than a cartoon comic strip. In my search for true love, I am thankful I found Jesus. Through Him I discovered real love.

Love is...God. God is love. He is the essence of what love is. If we have God in our hearts, we have love in our hearts and we can rely on His love. And it's God's love that can be the strength in your unequal marriage.

God's Grace is Sufficient

Have you ever experienced a season when your faith crumbled like cake? A few weeks ago, I did. I thought the pain of past infidelity ended years ago. Unfortunately, the dangerous thoughts of divorce resurfaced. For example, my mind whispered to my heart, He doesn't deserve you, and, Move on; let him go.

These thoughts raced through my mind in a never ending contest between my flesh and my spirit. I was overwhelmed, and succumbed to the flesh. I isolated myself and rejected my husband; the pressure was unbearable. I began to pray and share my problems with my heavenly Daddy who, in time, showed me that His grace was (and always will be) sufficient.

Years ago, God led me to stay with my husband; and I did! Unfortunately, years later the suggestion of divorce crept back into my life. In my finite wisdom, I tried to ignore it. However, despite my best efforts, those thoughts tormented me. I contemplated divorce, and that allowed the spirit of pride to grab control of my life. The more Pride spoke, the more I listened. As I let this dangerous voice grow, I wallowed in my flesh and began to look at my husband with contempt and disgust. My desire to be with him faded away, and I avoided him at all cost. When I couldn't avoid him, I gave him the cold shoulder. All the time, the battle of leaving or staying raged in my mind. The enemy had a hold on me and was about to win the battle.

Walking With Jesus

Being married to an unbeliever sometimes places me on the battlefield of emotions. These emotions include fear, sadness, anger, and loneliness. But when I turn to God and seek His face, the love of Jesus  always brings comfort to my heart. Sometimes I make things too complicated in my walk with Christ when all He wants me to do is just that - walk with Him. Ladies, I want to tell you today that Jesus loves you and desires to walk with you through each moment of your days. Matthew 11:29 tells us the following:

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:29 NIV)

He hears your prayers, cries, and praises. When you are silent, He knows exactly what your heart is saying. That's the wonderful thing about serving God...He takes care of us even when we just don't seem to have the strength to carry on.

Lead us Not

Lead Us Not - Into Temptation

Temptation is all around us. It has no boundaries and could care less of your Christian morality. As a Christian woman, to be living a clean and moral life means a lot to me. As I glance from time to time into my past, I am so grateful as to where I now stand. But am I safe from the cold deceitful grips of temptations? Unfortunately not. Being lonely and sad in a marriage that seems to be going absolutely nowhere gives the enemy ammunition to put my attention on my longing to be loved, wanted and needed. I want to talk about this with you just in case I am not alone in this struggle - in this battle -  in the valley.

"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one" (Matthew 6:13 NIV).

God did not put this in His Word for no reason. He put it there because He knows the nature of man. He knows that we will be faced with many forms of temptations so as to cause us to fall away from His grace. Before we go on, let's pray.

When Relationships Must End

There aren't many times in our lives when saying goodbye is easy and without regret. I suppose if you were being released from the care of your radiation oncologist it may be a bit easier in regards to the regret, but even that goodbye would not be without it's significance. You would be moving on in better health, but the connection you would have forged with that doctor results in a bond that remains even after the farewell's are over. We call that a bittersweet parting; sweet for the promises of a new chapter in your life, yet bitter for loss of regular contact with someone who has become an intimate part of your life.

Bittersweet is how I would describe this, my last post here at Take Root and Write. The changes in my life which prompt my departure from TRW are exciting ones and full of the sweetness of the Lord. Yet, there is also that bitter side which requires me to say goodbye to an intimate chapter in my life, the Exploring Relationships column at Take Root and Write.

It has been an honor and a pleasure to share some of my thoughts with you this past year. May God continue to bless your relationships with each other as you continue to honor Him with them.

In The Word of God

The Word of God is treasure chest filled with everything we could possibly need for our lives. There is no situation we face that the Bible does not address. Something many of us share is that our husbands are non-believers, and I am so excited to say that the Bible is full of encouragement and wisdom to help us navigate this often tricky situation. Each day has its own problems when married to someone who does not acknowledge Jesus as Lord and Savior. However, each day also has it's own blessings and each morning we need to invite Jesus to spend the day with us.

Listen to my cry for help. My King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil; with you the wicked cannot dwell. Psalm 5:2-4 (NIV)

A Short Fuse

I don't know where my patience has been hiding lately. It masquerades as a stable emotion on the outside, but in reality my heart and soul have been abandoned to fend for themselves. I feel confused and anxious because every turn I take leads down a rocky road I'm trying to avoid.

I'm snapping at my kids and impatient with my husband. It seems like there is so much to do and so little time, and what time I DO have bounces between my job and my family. I'm behind work and at home, and I know many of you can relate because you are experiencing the same thing. However, rest assured that we are not alone. Jesus wants you to rest in Him.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Have you ever had a discussion with your husband that did not end the way you wanted? This happened with my husband and me several weeks ago and, taking it personally, I did not talk to him for hours.The feelings of anger and rage ate away at my spirit. I was consumed with bitterness and decided that talking about my feelings with someone was better than keeping them to myself. I called my Sunday School teacher who recounted a similar experience. She mentioned that prayer and studying God's Word was the remedy. So, after our conversation I tucked myself away in a quiet corner and prayed. Talking to God like He was sitting right next to me ushered in a soothing peace. As I poured out all my feelings to Him, the realization of how I was sweating the small stuff hit me like a brick.

The desire to have my way was more important to me than inviting peace into my marriage. The folly of sweating the small stuff clouded my ability to see the bigger picture of my relationship. My selfishness toward my husband opened the door of negative opportunity so wide, that the enemy easily entered our marriage and carried out his plan of divide and conquer.

Reflections

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

It's been quite a year and I am looking forward to entering the New Year with Jesus in my heart. When I look back on this year it's bittersweet. God has taken me on a journey that has brought growth into my spiritual life. When I first introduced myself to you I was married to an unbeliever. And as we come to the close of another year, I still am married to an un-believer. Have I come to a place where it gets easier? No. Not really.

When I look back on this year, I can see how God has changed my heart. Has he changed my husband's heart? I honestly don't know. I know God is doing something - but that's really between God and my husband. I learned that when I put too much focus on what God is doing with my husband it opens a huge door for disappointment when things don't go the way I think God should make them go.  So today I want to reflect on previous articles written earlier this year. Will you come with me down the Married to an Un-Believer's memory lane?  Let's go.

The Fruit and Your Relationships: Faith

It is interesting to me that faith is considered a fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-23 KJV) Most of the time when we hear about faith or speak about it, it is in context of something that we need to have or do or are lacking. Isn't it liberating then, to read that it is offered to us as a by-product of the Spirit in our lives; a natural result of following Christ?  In the matter of our relationships, faith is something we all benefit from.

In addition to the usual idea of faith being a conviction about our beliefs, Strong's Concordance of the Bible defines faith, as found in Galatians 5:22, as the character of one who can be relied on. I can just stop my post right there; that definition says it all. How many of the issues we face in our relationships could be averted if we were all automatically infused with that definition of faith?

 My husband Scott told me about something he'd read in Reader's Digest; a story Steven Covey had told about a business he'd been called in to consult for. Covey had taken note of the disrespect oozing from the employees in response to the manager. After finding all the processes and systems to be in place and in working order, he knew he'd have to dig deeper to find the root of the issue. If all the systems are running perfectly, where is the problem? In interviewing the employees he finally found his answer, they all knew the manager was having an affair with one of the other employees. That lack of integrity was undermining all of the systems that were otherwise perfection. Once the manager changed his ways and openly admitted and apologized for his actions, their machine began running smoothly. Problem solved.

I'm Going to Praise Him

Greetings to you all! I pray that you are having a blessed week. I'm looking forward to our first holiday season together. Christmas is approaching us quickly and I want to encourage you to allow the joy of the Lord to lead you through to the coming New Year. 

Giving praise to our Lord is a vital part of living the Christian life. I love the way David praised the Lord. He was not ashamed nor was he afraid to express his love for God through song and dance.  An important part of my daily living is giving praise to God.

Praise the Lord. How good it is to sing praises to our God, how pleasant and fitting to praise Him! The Lord builds up Jerusalem; he gathers the exiles of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:1-3 NIV)

Seeking Jesus Each Day

There are many ways we can see God throughout the day. But the only way you will see Him is if you seek Him. Each morning when I am blessed with another day, I thank the Lord. When I have no words to form, I just say, "Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus." Ladies, if you look for God each day you will find Him.

Glory in Him name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always. Remember the wonders he has done,  his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced. (1 Chron. 16:10-12 NIV)

Don't Say a Word

God has a way of giving you what you need when you need it. He never runs out. He is so full of everything that you and I do not have to want for anything. (Psalms 23:1) As God was developing in me for what was ahead, I discovered how I began to resemble Him from the inside out. I certainly could not take credit for anything. In and of myself, it was impossible to achieve the work that God was doing on the inside of me. As I allowed God to shape and mold me to His image, it became somewhat difficult. I murmured and complained. But, then I realized that I had to remain steadfast, focused and steady on the promises of God.

I was sitting at my desk and pondered on the promises that God revealed to me about my assignment and who I was. Just like the natural man, I began to try and figure things out. I looked at my current situation and I murmured that things are just not adding up. I even asked God, how are you going to do this thing? Why are you using me as an example? In the natural, I wanted all the answers immediately so much so that God was completely left out of the equation.

Has God only given you a portion of your assignment and is requiring you to act on faith to get to the next level? Well, woman of God, wherever God guides, He provides. If God has said it, it will come to pass. If God has spoken a promise over your life, you can guarantee that he will do just what he said. "God is not the Son of man that he should lie, nor the son of man that he should change his mind, Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" (Number 23:19, NIV)

Earlier I mentioned, while going through the process of being conformed to God, it became difficult. It became difficult because love was one of the "hardest" fruit of the spirit for me to carry out. My flesh was in rebellion with my spirit, thereby prohibiting me from producing the kind of love described in the Word of God as "agape." Part of the conforming process with God required me to die to self and allow the God in me to show because the life "I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me Galatians 3:20" (NIV)

The Fruit and Your Relationships: Goodness

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness... (Galatians 5:22 KJV) What greater litmus test of the evidence of that fruit, than what can be seen in our relationships? Shining a spotlight on our relationships, a connection none of us is without, can be a reliable indicator of how the Spirit is working in our lives; especially the fruit of goodness. If we are bearing that fruit, it will definitely be evident in our relationships!

However, I would be willing to wager that goodness is not what you think it is. Not if you are thinking of it as something you can be. We have been ingrained with notions of being good from infancy. It is so easy to equate the good things that we do as goodness. But the goodness that is referred to as a fruit of the Spirit has nothing to do with charity, benevolence, abstaining from badness or even descriptions of warm, gooey chocolaty things.

See, while the fruit of the Spirit is something we bear, it is not something that can actually be generated by our works; it is a by-product that is evidence of our submission to the Spirit. Matthew Henry's Commentary describes the fruit of the Spirit as fruits of the renewed nature; things which we are to nourish and cultivate.

Goodness, as defined by the Strong's concordance, is simply uprightness of heart and life. If we apply that concept to our relationships we can create a picture of someone who is adhering to the scriptures and living in such a way that is pleasing to the Lord. While goodness in our relationships is not something we can do directly, it is something that will be evidenced in our relationships when we are bearing fruit of the Spirit's cultivation in us personally.

I Am In Preparation for What is Ahead!

Weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning Psalm 30:5 (KJV). This was a reality for me. It was now the dawning of a new day. Almost four years has passed since the trial. The embarrassment of it all was now fading away into the distant and I was now able to open my mouth and tell my story. However, before I got to that point I realized that I had to grieve. Part of my grieving involved crying. In the words of Bishop Paul S. Morton, "my tears were just a temporary release of the pain, sorrow and grief. My tears were expressions that could not be controlled. But after while, I would not have to cry no-more."

One sunny afternoon after work and standing in the parking lot with a co-worker, she began to share a revelation that God had given her at the time. Not long after our conversation, God began to speak to me. He spoke concerning how the enemy was trying to destroy my finances, my home and my marriage. The Spirit of God led me to Psalm 37. This particular passage of scripture was my light at the end of the tunnel. Even though my tears were all dried up and God had healed me, this did not stop the devil and his pursuit of trying to attack me at any cost. It was no secret that the enemy did not want me to recover. Instead, he wanted me to stay down so he could finish me out. However, through the Spirit of God and his word, there was an evacuation route. In Psalms 37, I learned that it was required for me to not only wait on God, but wait in too. God was taking me higher in him and ultimately leading me out of the storm.

Is the enemy always on your trail? Does it seem like, every time you try to do good evil is always present? (Romans 7:21 KJV) As women of God, it is very important that we stay in step with God. It is easy to want to do things our way or try and help God. He has all things under control. Wait for God to speak to you and then move on his command.

Married to an Un-Believer

Greetings from winter-bound Santa Fe, New Mexico! I hope you all have been having a blessed change of season.

Married to an Un-Believer

Here's a question to ponder - How is the life of a Christian woman when she is married to an un-believer? This question can be answered in many ways. This question is answered in many ways. Being married to an un-believer could feel just fine at times. It can be likened to the surface of an ocean or stream. On the top appears to be smooth and peaceful but the undercurrent can be deadly. Underneath the smooth tranquilizing layer of water are animals that can eat you alive and animals that can give you a sting that would make you wish you were being eaten alive. Today I want to talk about the blessings of being married to an un-believer.

Being married to an un-believer can feel like a curse. It could make us feel lonely, betrayed, depressed, sad and the stress can feel unbearable and even make us feel like we are going insane. But I want to let you know that being married to an un-believer is simply this - it's a blessing. WHAT! Could this be? Yes, my friend. If you are in the midst of a spiritual battle or are struggling with the fact that your husband is an un-believer, it may be hard to believe that this situation is a blessing and not a curse. We are the daughters of the King of kings. He delivered us from evil. Jesus died to give us life - not death.

The Fruit and Your Relationships: Gentleness

Gentleness is a tricky one. It's deceptive too, this Fruit of The Spirit that is included in that famous list of Galatians 5:22-23. Everyone knows what it is, right? Gentleness: it's sweet and quiet and kind and soft and fluffy bunnies, kittens and rainbows, right? Well, wait a minute! How is that a fruit of The Spirit?  I'm thinking about the word and what it means, yet I'm finding myself asking how it can be spiritual. Whenever I think of gentleness I imagine graceful, quiet movements with polite smiles and soft words. I can very well imagine myself attempting 'gentle', I can even envision 'quiet and soft', I can see in my mind's eye one of the kids holding a kitten and stroking it's fur, but when I try to apply those things to evidence of the Spirit's work I come up short. I can't even begin to get into how it applies to our relationships until I can understand what it looks like in real life.

Is it to be that 'gentleness' only applies to women and children? What about the men? What about that 300 pound linebacker? He's a Christian; he should have fruit of the Spirit too. Except I just can't reconcile that persona with the gentleness that I described above. What's he gonna do? Tiptoe through the end zone? I somehow think NOT! So what gives?

This same circular thinking was spiraling around in my brain one night and I just had to ask my husband what he thought about it all. He's a man of the Word; he may have some insight on gentleness that I had missed. Well, he didn't exactly have anything specifically about gentleness right off the top of his head, but he did have a word of wisdom for how I should think about gentleness. He simply asked me a question: what is the antithesis of gentleness?

So it would seem that in order to figure out how gentleness should look in our relationships, I need to think about how the opposite of gentleness looks in our relationships.

The Fruit and Your Relationships: Life, Liberty and Longsuffering

Okay, so we know going into this one that it is not going to be fun. I mean, you cannot say a word with suffering in it and be looking for a breezy time. At least there are no surprises here, right? We know straight up what is involved in suffering long; and we surely have all experienced first-hand just how important it is in healthy relationships! 

While longsuffering can basically be defined as patience, I think we sometimes fail to realize the depth of the meaning of the word, and how much more is involved in the bearing of that particular fruit; actions that go beyond simply waiting without complaining out loud. 

We have probably all heard the humorous prayer, "Lord, I want patience; and I want it RIGHT NOW!" Well while He is an on-time God, somehow I think that is not exactly what He has in mind. He does, however, have in mind for us to experience a level of longsuffering through His Spirit that we, of our own accord, are not able to conjure up no matter how many deep, calming breaths we may take.

My husband Scott seems to think I may have been placed in his life just to exercise his longsuffering on some occasions. One recurrent waking nightmare is the one where it is time to leave, he is ready to go, and I am not. This is a phenomenon that I have been unable to crack the code on, and it is also one that drives him absolutely crazy. It seems as though no matter what I do to prevent it, we end up there again with him calling up the stairs to see what is taking me so long and asking why I am not ready to go. And how much longer it will be. Also, asking if there is anything he can do to help me get out the door. Of course, I am rushing around up there with my heart pounding and hands shaking trying to finish getting ready in that state. 

Count it All Joy

 

Greetings from beautiful Santa Fe, New Mexico! I pray that you all are having a blessed day in the Lord. If you are having a good week, remember to lift up those who are not. If you are having a bad week remember to sing praises to the Lord. I want to share with you some of my favorite scriptures and how I see them on good days and not so good days. So lets get into the Word.

Let's look at these scriptures in two different ways.  When we are in a good mood and everything seems to be flowing like milk and honey and we read a certain scripture, we feel a warm wonderful feeling and it is clear that God has just blessed our spirit and we just want to shout to the world how wonderful it is to be a Christian! But read that same scripture when the world seems to be crashing in on us and that scripture just doesn't feel the same.

Consider it Pure Joy

Consider is pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perserverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete,  not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4 NIV)

On a good day this scripture is not hard to swallow. It brings a joy that you know God will bring us through rough times. On a good day this passage causes us to reflect on those days that have passed and we have no desire for them to return. We reflect on the lesson we were taught and give thanks to God for seeing us through. We can truly consider it pure joy when we see the finished product of what test we persevered through.

The Fruit and Your Relationships: Peace (It's not just for hippies and doves)

Peace, as intangible as it is, can be had by everyone. Not just a passing peaceful feeling, induced by sedatives or some other external method, but a deep, lasting peace that, like joy, transcends the circumstances of your relationship or situation.

The word peace means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. If American culture is to be believed, then peace is all about an anti-war movement in the 60's or a symbol of a dove.
According to Wikipedia, there are many symbols for peace, in a myriad of cultures. What does peace mean for us personally though? What does peace look like in a relationship?

It is interesting to me, the seeming illusive nature of peace. It's not just something you can go get or build up or put on. It would appear that peace actually comes as a result of letting go.

I love the Strong's reference definition of peace for Galatians 5:22: of Christianity, the tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and content with its earthly lot, of whatsoever sort that is. This does not depict a peace that is strived for, on the contrary, it is a result of a realization that, as one of my friends so aptly puts it, "God's got this".

The Apple of God's Eye

 

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings. Psalm 17:8 (NIV)

David was the apple of God's eye just as you and I are. Our husbands are the apples of His eye - they just don't know it yet. We have the privilege of knowing just how much God loves them and how much He desires them to be delivered from the grasp of satan's deceitful grip. Let's talk about some of the emotions we are faced with on the battlefield. This may sound crazy to some of you but there are times when I love being on the battlefield. Especially when the Commander in Chief is Christ Jesus himself!

WHAT WORMS ARE IN YOUR APPLE?

• Anger Pain Problems Loneliness Envy (APPLE)

These emotions represent the worms that want to invade your apple. And let's say that the apple represents the fruit of the Spirit. What do I do with them when they try to worm their way in my apple? I hand them over to Jesus and accept what He has for me - the Fruits of the Spirit. I love reading about the fruit of the Spirit.

Faithfulness - Part 2

Though raised in a traditional church, I did not understand certain activities that took place each week. For example, every first Sunday was set apart for testifying. Anyone in the congregation could speak about the goodness of God. I would watch from the pews as one mother would stand up and sing a hymn titled, "O to be kept by Jesus".

Over and over I heard that phrase. Upon the third time, the spirit of the Lord came in and filled the church like a mighty rushing wind. During the service, members would run down the aisle shouting and crying. For years I wondered about that phrase and the old mother who sang it. Through my personal trials, God has allowed me to understand the true meaning of the phrase. As a result, I gave birth to producing the "spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and faithfulness" (Galatians 5:22 NIV) on the inside.

In the natural, a seed has to go through a maturation process. When the planter plants a seed he first considers the seed and what the seed will produce. Secondly, the planter considers the soil and if the soil is conducive for growing. Then the planter considers the climate and temperature of the environment. Lastly, the planter considers the time. "As long as the earth endures, seed time and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease" (Genesis 8:22 NIV).

The Fruit and Your Relationships: Joy

There is something about talking to or being around someone who is positive and uplifting. Not necessarily a saccharine, sickly sweet or falsely Pollyanna wanna-be, but a genuinely joyful person who brings light into the room, conversation or situation. Nobody wants to be around a negative, grumpy person; not for very long at any rate.

It is interesting to me that joy is listed as a fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-23) Looking at the origins of the word as it is used there in that verse, it simply means gladness and calm delight. I was expecting to find something more in-depth behind the meaning there; something hidden that would knock my socks off and uncover a giant revelation. Instead what I found was straightforward joy, pure and simple. Simple joy that requires no embellishing; true joy.

True joy is not something we can fake or just put on at will. True joy supersedes the very real problems we face in our lives here on this Earth. True joy is an element that custom fits any personality and will shine through even in times of tears or sorrow.

There is a stark contrast between those who exude joy and those who don't. Take for example the lady whose memorial service we just held this weekend. I had only known her the last 7 years, but everything I heard spoken of her by those who had known her through her years lined up with what I experienced first hand; the lady had joy. Did that mean she was always bubbly, laughing and smiling? No. What it did mean was that I never saw her down and dejected. No matter what was going on in her life, she always had a kind, warm smile and an encouraging, positive word.

Change of Guard

Change can be a good thing. It does not always feel good but it can be a refreshing experience. I remember when my father retired from the military after more than 30 years of service. This was a change that my mother had a hard time accepting. During my dad's career, he would be gone to sea for months at a time. This gave my mother time to miss him and appreciate him in his absence. This also put my mother in  position to have full control of what goes on in the house without him around. And she did a great job!  She was the rule maker. The disciplinarian. She was our sole caretaker and spread her love to four children skillfully.

Then came the time for my father's retirement. My mother had already gone through the empty nest change and now was about the make another shift. My father was home and leaving was now a thing of their past. Not only was he always home, but a change had occurred in him. He became more attentive to my mother. He seemed to be more protective and concerned of her whereabouts.

You would think this was a dream for my mother. NOT! It drove her crazy! I can't say I know the particulars of her story but from my point of view, it was a turn of events for both of them. My mother told me that she had to get used to their being together all the time. Her alone time was gone. Two worlds collided in a new way and they found themselves together - all the time. There was nothing wrong with that; they just weren't used to it. It pleases me to say with determination, they were able to blend their lives together again. I want to share with you how this relates to a wife whose husband is not saved. I hope this helps someone. 

Faithfulness - Part 1

August 9, 1997 was a special day because I made a promise to spend the rest of my life with a man sent by God. I vowed to love, honor, and obey. I was convinced that this was a marriage made in heaven. Unfortunately, the expectations fell short and my fairy tale wedding unfolded right before my eyes; many disappointments almost cost me my marriage.

When we as women enter into the covenant of marriage, we are often naive and do not posses the attributes required to carry out the true definition of faithfulness. During the course of my struggling marriage, I did not have any women in my life who I could ask for advice.

"Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and their children" Titus 2:4 (NIV).

Unfortunately, in today's society, this type of training for women is not the status quo. I was encouraged to get an education, travel the world, and find a good job to support myself. When I entered into the marriage agreement, the basic elements needed to sustain a healthy marriage were not instilled in me. I was in love with the idea of a wedding and did not completely understand what it took to make the covenant last. My ignorance led to frustration which resulted in a desire to end the union ordained by God.  

The Fruit and Your Relationships: Love

   
If you have been near church teaching for very much time at all you have most likely heard at least some mention of The Fruit of The Spirit.(Galatians 5:22-23 KJV) Paul was basically telling the Christians at Galatia that certain attributes would be manifest in them if they were letting the Holy Spirit lead their lives.  

As I was praying about what to write for today, the Lord brought these verses to my mind. "What does The Fruit of The Spirit have to do with relationships?", is what I thought first. "Everything!", is what I realized next.

It is fairly easy to maintain a standard of kindness and generosity, meekness, patience and even happiness and faith with people we rub shoulders with as we move through our daily activities. We can put on a smile and viola, the lady at the dry cleaners will never know how unhappy we are inside. We can let the guy with one loaf of bread in front of us in the checkout and he will only see patience and generosity exuding from us. While these acts are indeed good, and while it is indeed important to display the Spirit's work in our lives to everyone, are these encounters true evidence of the Holy Spirit at work in our lives? On the surface everything looks good, but what about those day-in and day-out relationships? What about the people we spend the most time with and are the closest too? What about the people who know us the best; who we do not have to keep up "appearances" for; those whose connection with us goes deeper than perfunctory interaction? I believe it is our actions in those relationships that are the tell-tale indicators of whether it is the Spirit or our flesh that has the upper hand.

The Golden Rule

 

When my husband and I are not on good speaking terms it can get pretty lonely. It's not just that I don't have a companion to share my thoughts with - but the fact that the man I chose to spend my life with is here but not here at the same time.

Questions about who I am become unclear and I begin to wonder if this crack in our marriage is my fault. Nevertheless, Jesus is right here for me and, if he would allow Him, for my husband as well. It is during these times I need to get into the Word. It is at these times when I don't have that fuzzy, wuzzy, hallelujah feeling to want to get into the Word. Why am I here? Why do I feel this way? It seems to me that this marriage isn't going to work and I'm not sure I want it to work. I know with all my heart that God does not want me to feel this way but at times I do feel this way. It's easy to not want to work at my relationship with my husband or with anyone else for that matter. If he's not expecting me to talk to him, then he shouldn't expect me to do anything for him either. Right? WRONG!

I don't like to have to say this, but when I seek the will of my heavenly Father, what He has to say is far from what I sometimes feel. Like ignoring my responsibility as a wife, mother, friend - a Christian. To me it will be easier just to leave it alone and not deal with it. Maybe it will go away and we can just move on to the next lesson. My pastor says that we won't graduate until we pass the test. How true this is. I'd be okay to just leave things alone for a while.  But not to my surprise, my Lord had other plans for me. I'm so glad I have Jesus. I want to share with you how the The Golden Rule was applied to my life on this wonderful day.

Waiting on God's Timing

Has God ever promised you that you something but then it seems like it will never happen? Did you ever feel like you were waiting an eternity and thought God had forgotten about you? Recently while talking on the phone, the other person said, "It has been three years". We finished the conversation, but once the phone call ended, the words it has been three years rang in my spirit. I began to evaluate all that I had experienced in my struggling marriage. Through God's Word, I understood that waiting on God's timing was a requirement if I was to receive His promise.  

One morning about 2 a.m., I heard a small voice, "It is a test". I did not understand what was going on, so I ignored it. "It is a test", whispered the voice once again. After realizing it was the Spirit, I got up and began to scribble down the message that God was revealing to me. The key part of the message was that I would pass the test.

Walking through a season of uncertainty is a tough time to learn about God's timing even when we have the promise of success. Our flesh consistently tries to convince us that God is moving too slow and that our pain is never going to go away.

Be Ye Angry and Sin Not

 

"Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath" (Ephesians 4:26 KJV).

Dealing With Anger

Anger. Oh my! What a heavy word. This word is loaded with emotions that can go every which way but up. And up is where we should make it go. Being married to an un-believer brings to surface a variety of emotions. As women we already have our share of emotions to deal with. My husband told me several years ago that I liked being mad. That made me mad. I did not like being mad and I didn't realize it until then that I was always mad. Anger weighed heavy on my heart and made me anxious, insecure and fearful. I always thought I had a good reason to be mad. Boy, was I deceived. I was so accustomed to being mad that when I wasn't mad at anyone else, I was mad at myself. This is a dark place to be and when you allow the light of Christ to shine in your life, His light will drive away that darkness. Peace will then set in. When I rededicated my life to Christ, among other things, I did not want to carry the burden of anger anymore. It was like a disease I couldn't get rid of it. I needed to get immunized with a shot of the Holy Ghost for my anger. I needed to be set free.

"I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free" (Psalms 119:32 NIV).

Some of the things that would make me angry were the things I had no control over. Events that had occurred in the past that I could not change. I had no control over my husband's beliefs. I had no control over what my husband thought about me. I could not change my husband the way I thought I could before we got married. He wasn't changing the way he was supposed to! I allowed anger to contaminate my relationship with my husband because he didn't turn out to be that fairy tale "knight in shining armor". Another deception. This brought and kept pain alive in my heart. Pain evolved into anger and in my heart, like growing mold on old cheese, resentment was born which in turn began to kill love.

You Only Live Once, You Might As Well Invest in Relationships

You have probably heard the phrase, "you only live once". It is interesting to me how many different instances we apply that phrase to. We use it to encourage each other to try something new or take a chance that does not have a guaranteed result at its end. I think I use it the most when I decide to "cheat" on whatever diet I'm on at the moment. You know, a lot like the philosophy that advocates eating dessert first? My favorite one though, is "You only live once, you might as well be amusing". It just makes me happy. But it has gotten me to thinking a bit about how we do only live once, and what kind of a life would it be if we got to the end and had no relationships to show for it?  

When I was little, my dad had a business partnership with an older man who had already raised his family. He told my dad that if he had it to do all over again he would not have hoarded all the money he had made, he would have spent it on his family along the way. He said that by the time he got "enough" money his kids were grown and gone and he wished he had done things differently. I'm glad my dad listened to the older, wiser man! My brother and I have many happy childhood memories because my father chose to receive that sage advice.

The concept does not only apply to money and family vacations though, we can apply it to our personal relationships whether it be our children, our spouse, our parents, or our close friends.I have missed some precious moments in the past because I was "too busy", but there have also been times when I was legitimately busy and gave up some time to spend enjoying a family moment or time with a friend and those memories have turned out to be some that I cherish the most.

Meet Lakeyshia Dickerson

As a woman of faith, I have learned that obeying God is not always easy. Over the past few years, obedience was required to surrender my own will and align it with God's Word. I had to constantly remind myself, "It is not my will, but God's will that must be done."

My marriage was over; the divorce papers were signed and I was on my way to a new life. Leaning on my finite understanding, I was determined to escape my lifeless, broken, unhappy, and unfulfilled marriage. I was convinced I was right because I had no more strength. I desperately sought God regarding the specifics of my departure and while reading the Bible the answer came. Unfortunately, what I found was not the answer I was looking for. In His infinite wisdom, God had other plans.

Through the story of Hosea and Gomer, God revealed the part I was playing in my marriage and it wasn't pretty. God commanded Hosea to go show his love to his wife again. God was commanding me to do the same. I had to make the tough decision to be obedient and surrender to God and mend my marriage. It was not easy. I had to pray, fast, and seek God daily with my whole heart. I wanted to give up many times. However, through the Word of God, I was able to endure. As I remained obedient to God, my strength was renewed. I kept my eyes on Jesus and remained confident in God's Word. By faith, I believed that God was going to work all things out.

God restored me, my family, and most of all my marriage. God is no respecter of persons. What he has done for me he will do for you. In this column, I will take you on a journey and show you how the awesome power of God that transformed me and my marriage can transform you and your marriage as well.

The Lord is my Shepherd

I would like to begin this article with a prayer for you. Lord Jesus, I adore you. I praise you and thank you for this day. Cleanse my heart and forgive me of my sins. Accept my gift of praise to you and fill my heart with your Spirit. Father I lift up to you women who are married to an un-believer and who seek your guidance. Give them the gift of wisdom and the strength they need for each day. Lord I pray for their husbands. Give their husbands the desire in their hearts to want to know who you are. Father, I pray for the salvation of these men and pray that they will be the man of God you have destined them to be. Thank you Lord for their salvation and for the many lives they will be a testament to. In the precious name of your son Jesus, Amen.

As we seek the Lord for guidance in our marriages and as we allow the Holy Spirit to give us wisdom, there will be moments when we just want to quit. Quit praying, quit being nice, quit cooking, quit being married - just quit. But the Bible tells us to not be weary in doing good. Friends and family members would encourage me to not to give up. Hear my heart as I encourage you to not give up. The following scripture always comforts me when my soul is tired:

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Galatians 6:9

You Already Mean It From Your Heart

"I mean it from my heart." It's a sweet sentiment, full of earnestness and sincerity.  A way to express that you are not just saying something lightly. But did you know that everything you say is already from your heart? That's not always a comforting thought, but it's true.

Have you ever wished you could take back what you just said? Do you sometimes wonder, "where did that come from?" before the final syllable is even out? Our words are powerful tools that can either build up or tear down, and whether we like it or not they mainline straight from our heart. Sometimes it's easy to laugh about it, but too many times the result is painful wounds from words that cannot be retracted or erased; even by apology.

Can you imagine a world where we never said the wrong thing, or ever said the right thing the wrong way? A place where every one of us showed constant courtesy and respect to each other no matter how frustrated we were? It sounds like a eutopia! There are so many times when I'm crabby or tired and I snap at my family and I wish so badly afterward that I would have remained sweet and calm and kind. When I think about it I set out to remain in that state, but when I get stressed, there's no time for thinking and whatsoever state I'm in is what comes out.

 Our pastor has been doing a series on Marriage and Family this month. Last Sunday he played a humorous video clip preceding his lesson. The video, which you can preview at www.sermonspice.com depicted a family who were all wearing what they called Virtual Family Voice Transcoders. The video touts that the latest gadget to solve your family problems is now here! Just put it on and any and all negative words are translated into phrases that edify your family.They even have a solution for negative body language! The transcoders looked similar to little painting filter masks and speaking into them allowed the family members to say whatever they wanted and it would be filtered and translated for them in a congenial way. The dad can be seen explaining to his friend, "No matter what I say, no matter how negative it is, this little gadget will  make it positive and amplify it."  When his wife is seen "reminding" him to take out the trash, his response of, "get off my back, I'll do it when I'm good and ready!" comes out of the transcoder as, "Thanks for the reminder, I neglected to do that and I will remedy the situation at my earliest possible opportunity."

Weeping in the Night - Joy in the Morning

All week long I have been thinking about what to say to you. I asked the Lord and heard nothing. I tried to put this article together and found myself speechless. Then a still quiet voice began to say, "Tell them I love them." But I kept telling myself that there must be more to say. Sometimes we just need to get back to the basics and keep things simple. I just want to tell you today that Jesus loves you.

This week I felt overwhelmed with work and not knowing what to cook for dinner. The laundry grew out of control and it was a trial to get anyone to clean their rooms. I tried to tell myself that the joy of the Lord is my strength. But the truth is - I didn't feel joyous at all. I felt lonely, hurt and rejected. My life seemed to be at a difficult place. There's just no prettier way to say it. Please tell me I'm not the only one who has to deal with these feelings. My emotions got the best of me. I know that there is joy in Jesus. But sometimes I just want to sit and cry. And many times I do. Right now I feel that the Lord just wants me to simply share His love and to be real. So l ask that you keep me in your prayers.

Express Yourself...With Power, Effectiveness, and Wisdom

I'm getting the distinct impression that God is getting a chuckle out of me writing a column about relationships. Maybe I'm just more aware of my blunders since having started writing about it, but it sure seems at times that I am failing miserably at the very thing I'm commissioned to write about. I am learning though; and growing too, so all is not lost.

Meryl Runion of Speak Strong says, "Express yourself powerfully and effectively: say what you mean, mean what you say, without being mean when you say it." To me, that ideal seems just out of reach at times; usually it's the part about not being mean that gets lost somewhere between my brain and my mouth; at home anyway. Home is where it all comes out, uncensored and chock full of meaning. Home is where my husband points out my error and prefaces it with, "Hey, Relationship Lady".

I don't know about you, but outside of my home I generally filter what I say to people. I admire and envy the ones who can just speak their mind and everyone finds it endearing. Oh, to be able to just speak my mind! I've thought about the subject a lot, because it gets tiresome always parsing your words. I've entertained fantasies about just letting it go to the wind and completely being myself and leaving the results for everyone else to worry about. Why can't I seem to just do that? It sounds so liberating!

So far, I've come to the conclusion that filtering can be a good thing, at home and abroad; and that the benefit of being able to bluntly get my point across is overshadowed by the hurt I would inflict on the relationships that mean so much to me. As far as the relationships that don't mean so much: well, it's become a habit to bite my tongue now so those folks just get a bonus.

They That Wait Upon the Lord (The Importance of Being Patient)

Patience, a fruit of the Spirit

Hello Ladies!  I hope you all have had a blessed week.  Please feel free to share with the "Married to an Un-Believer"group a testimony you may have.  We'd love to hear from.  So, let's talk about the importance of being patient.  It is so important to have patience while God is working on our husbands.  When you understand that there is going to be a waiting period between your request to God and His answer, you will have a peace that surpasses all understanding.  Know and believe that God is in control and His timing is perfect.  If it were up to us, our husbands would not only be serving the Lord but would also be involved in some type of ministry.  And he'd be doing it NOW.  If this is your heart's desire - then let me encourage you to be patient with what God is doing.  Don't give up!  Keep praying for your husband even when it seems impossible.  Always remember that there is nothing too impossible for God!  It would bless me to no end to see my husband involved in some type of ministry.  But for now, I remain blessed for who he is.

Throughout the years of my Christian living, I have often heard that praying for patience is not such a good thing to pray for.  That if you pray for patience, you soon will regret it.  The Bible tells us that patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit.  It is a gift from God and a treasure to behold.  Here's what the Bible says about having patience:

A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11

Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God

Hello Ladies!  My name is Karen Evans and I am married to an un-believer.  Being married to an un-believer has its ups and downs. But when you allow the joy of the Lord to be your strength, the joy of the Lord will be your strength.  When I began addressing the issue that I was distressed about my husband not being a believer, a friend of mine told me to "be nice" to him.  Now, as some of you may know, being nice to your husband who is not always nice to you can be a difficult task.  Especially when you know he's not a praying man.  My friend told me that maybe God wanted to change me first.  "WHAT?  But I'm already changed!  I have Jesus Christ living in me!  He's the one that needs to change!"  Ladies, as much as it hurt to hear it, she was right.  We need to remember that God is not finished with us yet and we need to allow Him to continue His work in us so He can continue His work through us. 

As I sought the Lord through the Word and through prayer,  my desire to be in His will grew each day.  I began to look forward to being that light in my husband's life.  I wish I could tell you that there is a certain thing to do and your husband will be saved - but I can't.  If there is one thing I want to really express to you right now, it's to simply seek the Lord.  Ask God what is His plan for you.  He may want you to be more neighborly to your neighbors or to get involved in a ministry at your church. Being married to a non-believer isn't a punishment. Although the devil will want you to believe that it is. God knows exactly where you are. He knows exactly how you feel. And most importantly, He knows how much you can withstand. You are in a special place and God has great plans for you. 

What perception are you getting from your perspective?

We only know as much of the world as we can see from where we're standing, until we've lived enough to broaden our perspective. Often times we perceive things to be a certain way, but how many of those times could we see things differently by the simple act of changing our perspective?

I love to hear my husbands stories and anecdotes; almost as much as he loves to tell them I think. One of my favorites is the one about the grandpa who was watching his grand kids for the day and decided to take a wee nap on the couch for a while. Well, while he was snoozing away, his lovely offspring decided they would put some Limburger cheese in his mustache. Now, I've never had the experience of smelling that delicacy; I've avoided it, in fact, but I have heard that it has a powerful and unpleasant odor. So, a bit later when grandpa woke up, he smelled something strange. He sniffed around a bit and said, "this living room stinks." So he left that room and went to another, only to find it rank as well. After meandering and sniffing through a few more rooms he declared the whole house stinky and went outside where, again, he sniffed and was met with the most unpleasant nasal sensation. With that, he threw up his hands and shouted, "this whole world stinks!" 

The moral of that story is pretty obvious; and it is not 'don't tell your kids about Limburger cheese'. We could all probably think of some times we have had moments of Limburger perspective; times when our whole world just plain stunk simply because of the way we perceived it. The concept is not limited to general life experiences, however and plays a big part in how we communicate in our relationships.

New Beginnings

The trees are starting to blossom.  Schools are out or close to it.  Swimming pools are open.  All signs of June, and summer.  June has another tell tale sign: weddings.

Weddings are romantic, traditional, fun and a chance at new beginnings.  Two become one.  A cord of three strands that won't be broken.  New traditions, celebrations, and habits.  It's an exciting time, but it can also be frustrating, nerve wracking, wonderful and everything in between.

Weddings and marriage are the ultimate new beginning but I believe all new things bring about the same range of emotions.  A move, job change, family addition, any kind of transition takes us out of the box and puts us in a new place of faith.  Cliches like "Sink or swim", "Don't knock it til you tried it", or "You only fail when you fail to try" all apply to change.

This June I'm not getting married but I am facing a new beginning.  This is my last "Marriage: Striving for Oneness" column at Take Root and Write.   Transition abounds as our youngest is about to go to school full time this fall.  I feel God's call is for me to freelance and be a good steward of His gifts in ministry.  It's out of my comfort zone but I know what God starts, He finishes.  I leave this column with all the emotions and cliches new beginnings bring.

Say, Say O Playmate?

Do you ever look at some relationships and wonder why they work, or how they even exist? Did you ever notice how some of the oddest and unlikeliest friendships end up being the deepest; the ones that stand the test of time?

Lately, I've been pondering one such relationship as depicted in that old clapping rhyme we used to sing in grade school, "Say, Say O Playmate". For those of you who are not familiar with this rhythmic phenomenon, I will tell you that it is a story told, in catchy sing-song, about two friends and their attempts at planning a play date.

Friend one says: Say, say O playmate / Come out and play with me / Climb up my apple tree / and bring your dolly three / Slide down my rain barrel / into my cellar door / and we'll be jolly friends / forever more!

Friend two answers: So sorry playmate / I can't come play with you / my dolly has the flu / boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo / ain't got no rain barrel / ain't got no cellar door / but we'll be jolly friends / forever more!

We happily clap and sing about how friend one tells friend two where to go, what to bring and what they're going to do while they are together. They will be jolly friends and she has got it all planned out!

Friend two bows out of the play date with a myriad of excuses, and is it any wonder? Why would she want to go play with someone who is going to boss her around like that anyway? I'll bet she was quite relieved to get out of it and her actual answer got lost in translation. It was probably friend three who re-told the story and doctored it up to make it more palatable, because I'm sure her actual response sounded more like this: So sorry playmate / you have an attitude / and you are bossy too / so just forget you / talk to the hand / you're really quite a boor / you're off my facebook friends / forever more!

Me First

We are born with a 'me first' mentality; an instinctive nature to think of ourselves first. I know this because it is the one trait I've seen in each one of my four very different children. It is also a trait I see rise up in myself even now as an adult.

Everything in our culture tells us we have to look out for "number one", preserve our own interests, claim our rightful place in society, take what is ours; the list goes on.

There are times when it's appropriate to go first. If my darling husband and I are ever lost in a thick jungle I will not begrudge him the ability to say, "me first"!

When my six-member family returns to our one bathroom home after a long car ride, with bladders bursting, I will gladly race any one of them up the stairs calling, "me first" the whole way. I'm not sure if that's appropriate, but it seems to work. Besides, I usually let them go first anyway.

We want to be the first one in line, the first one to be promoted, the first to come up with the new idea; we want to be first in everything we do.  It's like my friend Audrey once profoundly stated, "It's every dog for himself!"

That may be a healthy sentiment in the rat race, but in relationships it is a devastating one.

Who or What Do You Love More?

  Chances are you are somewhat familiar with the movie, Fireproof.  Kirk Cameron stars as Captain Caleb Holt, a firefighter whose professional mantra is, "never leave your partner behind."  His wife, Catherine, grew up as a firefighter's daughter so she understands the demands.  However after seven years of marriage, she's ready to walk out.Caleb is ready to let her.

I won't give the whole movie away but neither spouse is approaching the marriage with perfect vision, choices or actions.  The movie is on DVD now and if you have not watched it, I highly recommend.  During a tense point in the movie, Caleb is faced with the fact that through his choices, Catherine believes there are other things, people and even strongholds/addictions in his life he loves more than her.

As the movie progresses, Caleb has a hard look at things and makes a choice, and wants Catherine to know, "I love you more."

Over at Christian Women Take Root, CWTR, we just kicked off reading The Love Dare challenge.  This is a resource utilized in the movie.  The book has forty days worth of readings based on Biblical principles and a practical application to apply to your marriage.  It's called a dare because it's not easy.  The Love Dare isn't about changing your spouse and all that is wrong with him, it's looking inside yourself with God's perspective and making the changes He asks you to make.  It's also a dare because you could read this book, do everything to the letter, and still face rejection from your spouse. But we are believing God is going to do a transforming work in us, and thereby, positively affecting our marriages.

Shine Your Light

This is a bitter sweet post. Bitter because this will be my last "Marriage from a Distance" column. Sweet because God is leading me on new adventures! I want to focus on the sweetness of this parting.

As I sat in church Saturday night we began singing a Micheal W. Smith praise song, Mighty to Save, and God touched my heart and told me this was the farewell message I was to share with you moms. The words that grabbed me this night were these:

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We’re singing for the glory of the risen King…Jesus
Shine your light and let the whole world see
We’re singing for the glory of the risen King…Jesus

Although living in a marriage from a distance is hard, tough, and sometimes lonely, we are still called to bring glory to our Father. Rather than sitting back and thinking "poor me", we need to be brave because we were made for this! We still need to shine our light to our family, neighbors, friends, community, and the world. We need to let everyone know that rather than choosing to focus on the hardships of life that we are going to lean fully on God and GO!

I know marriages are suffering, relationships are injured, job security is weakening, and financial troubles are staring us in the face and we do need to give attention to these as needed. But do not allow Satan to rob you of your joy nor dampen out your light for God! Don't' forget to be brave...you were made for this!

I Was Gonna Say...

It is hard to tell the truth sometimes. It's not that we intend to go around lying outright; it's just that we generally don't want to come right out and say what we are thinking. Well, unless we are reacting to our husbands or our kids! I often hear people say, "Well, I was gonna say...", or "I wasn't going to say anything, but..." It never fails to make me wonder why they didn't say it in the first place? Why do we hesitate to say what we are really thinking?

In relationships we have a responsibility to be forthright and honest about things. However, with that responsibility there is also a need for discretion; wisdom comes in knowing when to "hold 'em, when to fold 'em, when to walk away, and when to run." Understanding comes when we learn when to speak and when to hold our peace. "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pitchers of silver" (Proverbs 25:11). 

We are basically wired to spill the beans. That's why we all say, "I was gonna say...", because we really were itching to say it! The need to blab is evident in the popularity of websites dedicated to people sharing their deepest secrets and thoughts while cloaked in anonymity. There is even an application on one social networking site that allows your friends to tell you what they've always wanted to say, but could not (or would not) say to your face. Now, I don't really want to know everything my friends are thinking about me at any given moment. That is precisely why, if ever given the option, I will pass on the "reading minds" superpower; I just don't want to know every thought you have about me. However, if I have spinach in my teeth or am about to turn left onto a one-way street with oncoming traffic, please, by all means, say something! That is not the time I want to hear, "I was gonna say..."!