Take Root and Write

Secrets Revealed: The Toot Fairy

A few years back there was a television special that drew a lot of ire.  Someone in a mask went through every famous magic trick and exposed the secret.  Audience members learned it was skill, smoke, and mirrors.  Entertainers who practiced this art were furious.  They claimed this masked man took all the fun out of the practice.

Well, I'm not a follower of magic, and I'm not wearing a mask, but I am going to reveal some secrets to my peers.  See at age thirty nine, I am ahead of my same age sisters in one regard: I'm enjoying the change of life.  Yep, I'm going to reveal the secrets of menopause.

I started having perimenopause symptoms two years ago.  I've had hormone issues pretty much since puberty as I had polycystic ovaries (PCOS, at one time they were five times the normal size).  There have been more years that I cried than laughed, so I share this column to encourage you.  If you look at life with the proper perspective, you can laugh. 

Secret #1: You most likely have children who are looking for the tooth fairy or once believed in her.  You, my friend, get a new fun friend all your own: The "Toot" Fairy.  Whether she replaces that unwanted "Aunt Martha" or whatever name you gave your period, no one warned me about the Toot Fairy.

Who is the Toot Fairy?  Someone who slyly, once I hit menopause, decided to give me random fits of gas whether I ate something spicy or not during different times of day.  Nothing over the top mind you, but enough for my youngest child to ask if she heard what she thought she did.  I'm not kidding, it comes as such a shock that even as a child of God I'm tempted to lie and blame the cat.  Alas, it's me.  Since no one told me, I'm telling you.  Beware of the Toot Fairy.

It's a Change of Life

The word God has put on my heart to apply to my life is balance.  Although I've had all the symptoms for nearly two years, thanks to surgery, I am officially menopausal.

You know, the change.  When people hear the word menopause, it almost strikes a response of sympathy and grief.  That's where balance is needed.  I've lived the hormone teeter totter and ask my family, it's real.  At the same time though, it need not be a death sentence.  It's a change all right, but God impressed on a mentor of mine that it is a change of LIFE, not death.

Here are some humorous and practical ways you can find that balance in knowing menopausal issues aren't fun, but they need not rob you of the precious gifts you are to God, yourself and others.

1.  I think we have a shot at a Nobel prize.  Not to take anything from Al Gore but think about it---perhaps global warming is really the Baby Boomer and now the Gen X ladies worldwide having hot flashes?  Honestly, when one hits it's not just a warm fuzzy feeling, it's what I call a nuclear glow.

2.  You can make a difference, especially if you live in colder climates.  As you navigate through this season, you can offer your sweaters and heavy coats to those not experiencing the nuclear glow.  I know the feeling won't last forever, but give and trust that when you have a need, God will provide.  He has yet to leave me in a barrel with no clothes on. 

3.You got what you wanted, time to read!   Okay, it's at three in the morning, but this change of life brings about some nights when sleep is hard to come by.  It's a great time to read, or better yet, pray.

Yes, I Would Like Whine with My Cheesy Outfits!

Just so you know, I have a serious side.  You'll regularly see me encouraging women to find freedom through surrender the third Thursday of each month here at Take Root, and through the Christian Women Take Root group with the same name.

Today though, I need to laugh.  Or I'll cry.

Either way, I'll pop the button on my shorts, break into a sweat, need chocolate, be exhausted, and have a headache.

And like shampoo, my life these days is rinse, lather, repeat.  Hot flash, hormone, repeat. Laugh, cry, repeat.  Hungry, headache, repeat.

The weird thing about these menopause symptoms is I'm not in menopause, I'm 38.  I'm in peri menopause due to hormonal balance due to polycystic ovaries.  Over the years I suffered from signs of depression, infertility, some weight gain, and intense mood swings in about a 20 minute frame.  The last year these things out of no where doubled, along with the headaches, constant hunger, change in you know, the "s" word (no, not sweat).  I didn't just cry, I wept.

These days I am seeing a specialist.  My case is odd in that most tests came back normal.  It's not shocking to see cysts because well, I have polycystic ovaries.  Some hormone levels were off (no one surprised there!) but I'm not an endometreosis case where a hysterectomy would be easy to allow.  Since I'm not yet 40, we started on a Zoladex therapy.  It's a monthly injection in my stomach.  I had no idea it was a 16 inch needle, I was numbed so good and talking so much, I was clueless.  The shot gave me a good portion of the life I knew back.

I learned last month I can't take the shot long term because of bone loss issues.  In a few days, I'll be starting Lybrel, the pill that acts like Zoladex in that it completely shuts down menstruation.  For me, my hormones spike and drop deep right after ovulation right through my period. Spike and drop are volleyball terms, aren't they?  Not the story of my life.

So that's where I'm at---hotflashes and hormones.  Looking at my closet with a span of three sizes and wondering if I'll have to hit the thrift store for a fourth.  I'd rather wear sweats all day but even in January, I'd be sweating in them.

So yes, I'd like some whine with my cheesy outfits.  Care to join me?