Take Root and Write

Invisible Illness Awareness Week~ Seriously, Can You REALLY not see it?

 

I have to say I am amazed. Are we so oblivious to those around us? Maybe it's the lady in the grocery store, the one child on the bench who's name is not yet called to be on a team in PE. It can be much closer, its your neighbor, your friend, your sister, or even your mom. Yes we can, and yes we are so oblivious. It's all around us. Maybe it's you.

We are talking about Invisible Illness Awareness this week. Some reading these posts really have never even thought or heard of such a thing. Don't feel bad or guilty. That's why awareness is needed. That is why after you read some of these posts you will no longer let your self be oblivious to what you now know.

    Oblivious :

1     : lacking remembrance, memory, or mindful attention        
2     : lacking active conscious knowledge or awareness  

Some clarification on invisible illness. The title of my post today is~
Seriously, Can You REALLY not see it?
Yes these illnesses, diseases, conditions, you might not 'recognize' them on site by name. But I have a hard time with people not having a clue that 'something' is up.  Oblivious means- lack of mindful attention. I think we as a society have become so oblivious to those around us and seriously pay 'mindful attention" to very little out of our circle or just plain out of our own needs.

Let's take a look at an incomplete list of Invisible Illnesses... These are in Alphabetical Order
Allergies and Food In-tolerances, Arthritis, Cancer, Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Myofascial Pain, Depression /Mental Illness, Diabetes and Blood Sugar, Digestive Disorders; Example IBS, colitis, Celiac etc., Eating Disorders, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome EDS & HyperMobility Syndrome GHS, Headaches, Migraines, etc., Heart Conditions inc Dysautonomia, Infertility, Lupus, Lyme Disease, Multiple Sclerosis, Neurological Diseases, Pain Management, Rare and Orphan Illnesses, Secondary Medical Issues, Sjogren's Syndrome, Thyroid Disorders.

Some of these will sound familiar to you, others will not. All have lists of symptoms that would boggle your mind. A lot of these also run together, meaning once you have one, you can become more susceptible to acquiring another.

I am Itching!

 
I am itching!

We are not open yet over here at our Main site. 
(Our Member's Area is, have you joined yet)
You will know when we are open as we will have our 'Open House'.  I wanted to make an entry into my journey column and share what God is doing with me and our site.

Building Take Root and Write is like no other journey I have been on. I have experienced so many emotions and God has challenged me in many ways that I did not see coming! It has been a lot like being pregnant! Have you ever felt spiritually pregnant? Your mind/emotions are in high sensitivity mode. As the birth draws closer the challenges to just even get around grow harder. You begin to feel like you will burst. When I was pregnant with my daughter, the few days before my water broke, I had an outbreak of itching that covered my entire body. It started suddenly in the car about 20 miles from home.
I am talking ITCHING! No rashes, just every spot on my body itched at the same time. Which meant every piece of clothing was making me itch more. We had a blanket in the car and it took all of about 15 minutes to get me out of my clothes and into that blanket.  That might sound  crazy to some of you, but  this was not hives, or chicken pox, this was what I found out later to be a great surge of hormones.  There was no relief. Not until after Isis was born, and my hormones settled.

I am itching! Take Root and Write is truly fixing to be born.
My emotions have been all over the place.
I have experienced sadness when I  thought certain women  in my life would be part of the site and have had to accept that they will not.
I have experienced peace, as I have released this site to God, and letting him pick the women that will write and read, NOT me. He has better resources than me.
I have experienced boldness and perseverance as I have put myself out there to women I do not know but I believe God has led me to, to present the vision of Take Root and Write.
I have been humbled, by His grace.  The women He has brought into my life, through emailing and learning  about them. Soooooo many women of God with hearts and passion to serve Him through writing and encouraging other women.
I have experienced patience! Yes, there is still an exclamation point after the word patience. That is pretty funny. I had thought at the very beginning of seeing the vision for Take Root and Write that it would all come together quickly. It really seemed quiet simple to me. Well, God has showed me He has His own timing for Take Root and keeps growing the ideas and details that require more start up time.
I have been encouraged. God has either encouraged me Himself when I so needed it, or used someone else to do it for Him. He has consistently  held my hand  while at the same time kicked me from behind to move me out of my comfort zone and trust Him.
I am so thankful that He has not let me give in, in any way. I am so thankful that He has showed me this is not MY project. That it is His and His to control. I am thankful that He has brought in an amazing group of women to write for you, encourage you, inspire you, challenge you.
Now I am anticipating when I get to set out the Get Ready for Open House date.
Ready to birth this baby!
Support me in my labor! HA! Leave a comment if you like, I love to hear from you!
I will leave you with a pic of what I see while I sit at my desk in my office at home on my laptop.

Intentional

April 5, 2008 - Saturday

Intentional Current mood: quiet Special Note~ Sympathetic for a friend and her family. Intentional; (adjective) deliberate,calculated, conscious, intended, planned, meant, studied, knowing,willful, purposeful, purposive, done on purpose, premeditated,preplanned, preconceived Keep my eyes opened wide. Keep me still enough, quiet enough, in the noisy, busyness of this life. So I can hear your voice and you can move me. Let me be intentional as your servant. Today I received news of a friend’s death. She was only 19. Lauren was killed by a drunk driver last night. Although I did not have a close relationship with her, I have known her for many many years. She was probably about 12 when our families connected through homeschooling. A strong core group of moms dedicated to homeschooling their children. I know today those moms, although maybe time has separated our paths, they are praying for Kim today, for that Peace that only He can provide. Kim and Lauren have stayed in my path these last couple of years as they attend our church. Kim and I run into other, not often enough but when we do, we catch up on what we can. It’s this last Jan 08 that sits in my mind today. The Women’s God Encounter I wrote about in my blog back in January. Lauren had attended as well. She came alone, like I did. She called me by name as I got off the elevator. It had been so long since I had seen her. I sat down, she shared about being at the encounter and what God was doing in her life and how she was seeking guidance about steps she was taking towards her future. I have always been drawn to the youth. Even as a youth myself, I would always think about what the person next to me was going through, what I did not know they were dealing with, what were they carrying all alone????? It was a precious time I got to spend with Lauren that morning and through out the rest of the encounter as I would see her beautiful face come walking towards me to say, ’hello- again.’ Thats what she would say. Her spirit so sweet. Had I not seen her and spent that time with her during that encounter, today I would probably feel a little different. I am not saying something was profoundly said to her by me during our morning coffee that made an impact- but I do know I listened, I encouraged, I let myself be available. I am so glad today that I did. This is NOT about me. Lauren is in heaven today because Kim, her mom, is a strong woman of God and because of all the friends, family and maybe even some strangers that fed into Lauren’s spirit. Thats what this is about. Being Intentional. Are we walking with intention?

That hand on the back of my shoulder...

That hand on the back of my shoulder...
Current mood:  calm
Category: Religion and Philosophy

 Tonight was a battle. This weeks been a battle. Emotion is rattling me. A quiet disease is draining me to exhaustion. It's been the happy face this week that I have painted on consistently without anyone on the outside having a chance to see through. The propensity to cry takes over my day. Tears to hide become as frequent as my desire to crawl back into bed to awake and find the rested and refreshed body that has eluded me. It's a season I have been through before. Knowing what's behind it all gives me a reliable reminder that it will pass.
So, I do not give in. I keep my schedule simple and minimize my responsibilities.

Today was Sunday, service set for 5:00. The enemy knows when to attack the most. Putting on makeup while crying is no easy task. Feeling like I have been ambushed by my own body leads me on a unsatisfying search for clothes that look nothing like me.
A glance in the mirror reflects someone I have yet to regard as truly being me.

I hear my daughter yell from downstairs to see if I am ready, as my husband is in the car.
I think twice for a moment if I will go. Maybe just drive separate and give myself a few more minutes. But I knew if I did that I would end up not going at all. So I grabbed my socks and boots and headed down the stairs.
It's such a surreal feeling of solitude.

My husband is patient yet not tuned into what has been my reality. Tonight they begin service with worship and an alter call for healing. My husband takes my hand as we walk up together. I have not spent much time at the alter since I became a christian 26 years ago unless it was to worship or pray for another. In the last few months, we have walked up together several times, for ourselves.
At the alter God has your back, not just by His spirit but almost always by someone, most of the time someone we don't even know, who is standing in as His angel; our intercessory.
Tonight I felt that hand on the back of my shoulder as I stood at the alter.
Someone interceding for me. They had no idea what I was standing there wanting to receive. I could not see their face, I could not hear their voice, but I could feel God's hands touching me through theirs. What an awesome God we serve.
I leave without ever knowing who it was. Later in service I looked up and saw a lady who I had done the exact same for weeks earlier. She was sitting around the same area I had stood when I was at the alter tonight. Her son is serving in Iraq right now, at that moment the reminder makes my eyes swell with tears; it does not catch me off guard. This too shall pass.

I thank God for that hand on the back of my shoulder tonight and I am blessed to be that hand for others. Thats why you make your way to your place of worship. God smiles when He sees us praising Him in the midst of our circumstances and reaching out to each other as well. I am so thankful for my church tonight and I am encouraged to deal with the week ahead.

Waiting for...

February 10, 2008 - Sunday

Waiting for...
Current mood:  awake

Tonight Pastor spoke about waking up. The words that rang in my head were-
You never want to say to yourself,
'It's too late, I waited to long.'

Now the worse case scenario as we talked about in service was shown to us in a visual.
I personally have never see the movie Titanic- way too emotional for me... but as the picture formed up on the big screen at church I knew that scene. The water was as black as the sky. The men rowing the life boat through the ice chunks were old timely looking. They were shouting, 'Is anyone there? Can anyone hear me?' Their boat had to maneuver through the floating bodies, as they realized they were all dead. A mom floating face up with her frozen baby in her arms. It hit the men. It's too late; we waited to long.

Of course Pastor showed us this scene to remind us of all the people around us but out of our comfort zone to reach out to. To show the love of Christ. To witness with our testimony. To share the Words of our Savior. So many people hurting in our world.
What is the most important thing we can give them?
Over 45 people died this week in tornadoes across our country, a shooting in a classroom, how many families lost loved ones both near and far?
I don't want to lose my loved ones. I have many I pray for.
That more than anything they find the truth.
The saving Grace that only He can provide.
The sanctuary of peace that only He can cover them with.
The unconditional love that only He will wrap them in.
It's not religion. It's Jesus.

Tonight I am lifting you up- my loved ones.
I am open about my faith and have a walk that some would call a charismatic kind of faith. But I have NEVER served a whimpy, quiet God. My God is the creator of the Universe! I have always believed Him to do the impossible. I have seen Him do the impossible, He has done the impossible with me. I will not be a whimpy servant!
I will not stand back and have to say- 'It's too late, I waited to long.'

Currently listening :
Effortless
By Rita Springer
 

...finding my way forward

Mood: Contemplative

I have been saying to myself that, I am finding my way back.
Now, as I have started that journey I am trying to narrow down what it is I want to go back to.
How far back plays a role as well.
What 'moment of me' am I trying to bring back into the now?

I am realizing that it's not going back to the 'way things were' that I want. I have grown too much through the challenges that God has allowed in my life these last 3 years (could go to past 10 years), to just want what I used to have.
I am sure hitting my 40's has also played a role in being so contemplative.

Can we be disappointed but still grateful?
That is how I feel about the last 3 years. I am disappointed that in so many ways I feel like I lost the last 3 years.
That they were not my own. My physical body took over, and took me down a path that I was not ready for.
But yet, spiritually, I am so grateful for how God used every aspect of it to help me to grow in Him and draw me closer to His presence.  I am hungry to return to ministry. I am hungry to sing again. It's a step of faith.
My voice has changed as my thyroid conditioned showed up.  I don't like the thought in the back of my head that is saying my voice will never be like it was. Or when I wake up feeling like a mac truck hit me and my mind say's, 'Could you imagine if you were scheduled to sing today?'
I got sooooo used to keeping my schedule clear because so many of the times I made plans, I would break them due to what was happening with me physically.
My God is bigger than those thoughts. How long will I allow those thoughts to determine my path?
I think they will determine my path as long as I keep trying to, ...find my way back.
I have decided to love the me of the now.
She is stronger, wiser, closer to God.
Why would I want to go back?
I am finding my way forward.